Anxious/Depression, I have now lost my sex drive

Mental health
1

I am now 29 years old, with a boyfriend I love so dearly and is very good, supportive and respectful to me, but I have no sex drive and still have issues with anxiety and depression I try to solve. Here is my story, and I am hoping for your advice as I do not know what to do.

Early last year, I ended a destructive relationship (he was violent but did not physically hurt me), family members took their life (we have depression running in the family and I have lost a few to suicide which I was very close to), I was bullied at work, later resigned, and ended up in the end this spring of 2016 with the diagnose depression/anxiety and started to avoid everyone, both family and friends and I did not leave home. I had no income and it quickly got expensive to not have a job which was an added stressfactor to add to the nothingness I was now feeling.

A few years previous, I was known to be the most sparkly and happy person around and was often referred to as "sunshine!" for spreading positive energy. That was not me anymore though. Now I was a robot with no feelings at all. I also started to lightly think about suicide.

At this point, I reach out for help to my parents, and given the family history they immediately took me under their wings and had me move into their house as they did not want me to be isolated alone and thinking about suicide.

I spent a few months in their house, tried a couple of psychologists but did not find a good one, I also tried some medication for my anxiety buy that only made me nose anxious so I stopped taking them, I also took medication to enable me to sleep, but they did not work as they only made me restless and not able to sleep, so I stopped taking them.

I am now sort of self medicating and came across this website, thought I would reach out to like minded people.

I am now trying my best to be in a loving relationship, but as I have not sorted out all my messy past, I still have difficulties feeling some of the basic feelings: like sex drive. I am now worried and anxious that my boyfriend will leave me as I am unable to express such a simple thing as sex. I want to have sex with him, but my body does not respond to what I used to like.

Anyone who can relate to loosing basic emotions like this? I could really use some help!

2

Have you seen a physcharist. Phychologist may not be meeting your needs. It also is trial and error on which meds are best for you. It takes time to get the right meds for your needs and body chemistry. Depression distorts basic thoughts on most topics. A lot of people have their sex drive lowered when depressed. If you feel the depression is not the cause, perhaps a hormone test is needed. The man you speak of sounds very understading and must really care or he would already be gone. One big mistake here is trying to self medicate. I tried that and it was bad. You may have a thyroid problem or vitamin imbalances. Perhaps your M.D. will do a full blood panel and if not get another one to. I know it can be very frustrating but keep looking for answers, you will be glad you did. I truly wish you the best and hope you get answers soon. Let us know how you do and one day you will be helping some.

3

lifes not about sex,now done get me wrong it helps but its not everything,so if this partner of yours dosent understand then hes not the 1 im affraid,but if he does understan and lets you go at your own pace while you figure things out then hes a keeper,as far as your depression and anxierty go you need to find the right medication 4 you,what tablets have you tryed?

4

Thank you Barbara and Gary for sharing your thoughts. It is so valuable to be in this forum as it makes me feel less alone in this, as most/all of you can relate to this darkness, while family and friends are good they can not always relate to what I describe I am feeling.

Happy and relieved to say I have had some good days lately feeling less "dark". It is a good advice Barbara, that I should not self medicate, but some of my ideas seem to work better than others. Not sure it contributed to my better mood (maybe it did), I stopped taking my birth control pills about a week ago, as I read an article recently that suggested the hormones in the pills could contribute to depression-like symptoms. I will stay off the pills for a bit and see if it helps.. In the meantime I am thinking what other help I can find in terms of talking to someone.

Psychiatrist can be an option as you suggested. I have been thinking and reading a bit more on the subject of depression and anxiety and feel I am pretty sure that I could have some PTSD due to all unexpected loss of family occurring, I have had many nightmares of alive family members who are dying, or even day dreaming myself of ways that I could "accidentally" die, like being pushed in front of the tube.

Gary, thank you for your thoughts. I agree that sex is not the most important thing. But when I noticed that I find sex as arousing as an envelope or a gum on the sidewalk, my senses are completely numb. I am scared of the loss of not being able to feel the way I used to. I am very slowly starting to appreciate things again that I used to love, but it's a slow journey. My sex drive will hopefully eventually come back too, in the meantime I have a very open communication with my boyfriend, who is very patient and understanding.

Ps. Do you have any advice where I can find a good psychiatrist? All the good ones seem taken already sad preferably one in London, UK.

5

Hey. I'm sorry to hear your story, but it seems like you are really anxious to get better, which is great.

Self medication is really dangerous. As in you don't know what you're taking and it could be in a combination that makes you worse. I've done that, probably most people here have. I was always anxious and stressed in work, and got bullied as well. I stated taking benzos. I never got addicted to them or anything, luckily. But in the end I got worse in other areas. Like I might be fine in work, but then I'd be wrecked in the evening at weekends, couldn't move or do anything.

So yeah, it's best to see a doctor. If you want to see a Psychiatrist. You need to see a doctor first. You can't self refer. The doctor may well want to see if they can help first.

My opinion, and I don't like to tell people what to do, is to think through medication first. Dont read horror stories. But do proper research. Often times they don't really work and can be difficult to get off later on. But saying that, they may equally give you the boost you need.

In terms of sex drive, nobody wants to talk about that haha. The medication will almost certainly put that back even more. I've had no sex drive in ages. Well over a year. To the point where nothing happens, down there anymore.

But that's one side of life as previous poster has said.

Get better soon