Hi Lucy87622,
You raise a question which is becoming more relevant, given the current failure of Government to allocate enough money to councils to provide this service,
My wife and I have gone through this process twice now, the first about twenty years ago with my own parents and the present day with my wife’s mother.
Twenty years ago, my mother had progressed to full Alzheimers and my father was wheel-chair bound with Parkinsons. Both by this time were in their late 70’s/early 80’s and both had consistently over the years stated that they would never go into a home and would commit suicide rather than doing so.
We had ended up with carers in every day with almost no break between visits, meals on wheels arranged as neither were capable of cooking and latterly an over-night carer, not council provided as my father was not able to go to the toilet on his own and my mother genuinely did not know where it was, even in her own home.
Fortunately they owned their own home and the local council requested us to accept that they could not go on with this situation, recognised that both were still averse to an old folks home and arranged for them to visit a home about 12 miles away, still located on the river where they lived, and on visiting this a home, both immediately stated, “isnt this beautiful!, we should have made this decision years ago!”
They had a living room, bedroom and toilet, a small flat, all meals supplied and with every amenity available. Yes, this was a council approved home and paid for partially by the local council with a contribution from ourselves.
Counter this with the present.
My wife’s mother is now 92 years old, has alzheimers, is registered blind & has hearing problems.
In the last year she has fallen three times, the first requiring a 3 week hospital stay(she lay for 6-7 hours before being discovered by a neighbour and had a serious head injury as well as to her face and arms). The second fall was not so serious only again causing bruising to face, arms and legs and the third about a month ago, where she injured her hip bone which now causes problems to her ability to walk.
After the first fall she was categorised as a “danger to herself” by Social Work and carers supplied five times a day and we also arranged for meals-on-wheels to provide all food.
When we queried the disparity between their “assertion of her condition” and their resultant action, we were advised that this was all they could afford to do as they did not have the funds available for “any other Options” which was eventually advised to us as meaning they could not afford the cost of a full time home and “would not be an option unless something serious occurred”.
Subsequently she has fallen twice more times but the response remains the same.
As I am sure you will understand that given the current somewhat parlous state of the NHS and constant news of funding shortages by most councils, this situation will not change in the immediate future.
We still live a 500 mile round trip away from our 92 year old mother and irrespective of my wife’s gradually failing health as a disabled person, there is no apparent change to these decisions in respect of this 92 year old lady. She still will not come and live with us as she has lived in "her" home for 60 + years.
A few tips; if your relative has alzheimers get his/her doctor to arrange an assessment by the local Age Clinic(if indeed there is one), check local hospitals. This should include a brain scan to ascertain the extent of deterioration in his/her frontal cortex(this is the area usually affected by Alzheimers.
If you have not already done so, register him/her with the local Social Work Dept., for an assessment to be carried out in his/her home to ascertain the need for carers to be allocated. If you provide care yourself, have them assess your needs to determine if you can qualify for the provision of a Carers Allowance which can be paid to persons who look after an elderly person. I believe the full allowance if awarded is up to £65 pounds per week.
It may be possible for your relative to be awarded a place in a Day Centre, for one or two days a week. Check with your Social Work Dept.
The norm for most councils is now “care in the home” as opposed to locating old people to nursing homes. It is frankly a financial decision, but can be short-circuited if your elderly relative owns his/her own home as this allows councils to fast-track such persons into care homes where the erstwhile home provides the money for their stay.
If like our 92 year old mother, her home is council owned, you do not have this “quick-path” and are reliant on council funding and meeting their qualification requirements!
Lastly, get in touch with Age Concern, Help the Aged and any other organisation that may be available to you locally who provide help to the older generation.
One word of warning though, beware of some Companies who quite frankly prey on the older generation and who specifically target them as easy “marks” to make money from their lack of understanding. We found one shop providing "aids for the elderly" pushing products even where they could not be used".
YOur Doctors should be able to provide various aids such as Zimmer frames, wheel chair, toilets in chairs(sorry the correct word will not come off the tip of my tongue!)
If you have not already done so, it may be appropriate for you to arrange a Power of Attorney which will give you authority to take over both financial and well-being care. Note that these two headings can be separated in a P 0f A dependant on an assessment of the persons’ ability to fend for themselves.
This can be extremely important for elderly people living on their own. Our mother twice lost her bank cards and her local Post Office called us to advise she was asking strangers to take her money out of her account as she could not get the card into the reader. Unfortunately most elderly people, and particular those with Alzheimers do live in their own little world, without any understanding of their surroundings.
Hope this helps.