Bad Day. Feeling Low.

Mental health
1

Hello to everyone and thank you for reading this. I have so many things in my personal life that are happening at the moment. This, combined with my ear issues just some days feels (like today,) that it is too much and I can't deal with everything.

Currently, life feels like a juggling act at the moment (this isn't a feeling that is caused by my anxiety, it is due to everything that I am trying to deal with all at once and my anxiety feels like another component that I have to juggle with.)

Everything feels quite uncertain at the moment due to various things and uncertainty is something that I find hard to deal with. My anxiety often seems to be born from the fact that I feel I'm some way out of control of myself or my life.

I like things to be 'in order' and I do relish in the monotony of life. Everything is changing for me currently and I do not really know how to deal with it.

My life this year has actually been irretrievably altered and I am slowly trying to come to terms with this, though I don't really think I have. I think I have actually ignored it of recent.

My ear issue is horrendous and only makes me worse. I am starting to believe my issue now... My GP was very concise and is offering solutions, all of this makes me feel better able to tackle it and when I do feel particularly unwell with it, now I try and rest if able rather than fighting it.

I was able to relax yesterday for a few hours but it does creep back and my mind begins to play games with me as my anxiety flares. I sometimes become aware of my tongue, or I will have difficulty swallowing..it's very strange. Sometimes I feel as if I am going to lose control of myself in some way and if I can't remember something, I still panic - fearing I am losing my faculties.

I have also been experiencing a bit of 'derealisation' as well. This seems to happen when people are talking to me.

This, combined with all the things that I needle to tackle at the moment make me feel like I am fighting a losing battle. Nothing seems easy at the minute... I am actually feeling quite sorry for myself. I need a break from everything being such a constant onslaught.

How do I deal with things until life begins to ease?

As I say... With regards to one major factor in my life: it will never quite be the same. This I am finding hard. Even when something is a negative in your life, if it has always been so it is very strange when it is gone.

2

hi its me again elaine 75058 i replied to some oe ur posts i too think i have an accoustic neuroma got all the symptons derealiration in noisy places tinnitus in 1 ear what symptons do u have? my dr said it was a virus bv ive had it for a year the anxiety has gone thru the roof these last ew days tension headaches everything u name it i got it X

3

Hi Elaine. Sorry you feel that way I would say the best thing for you to do would be to go to your GP and ask them to check your ears as the presence of these can give signs which can be picked up by doctors when they examin them. They can also give you a hearing test.

Another thing you could do is to have a thorough eye test as tumours can give away signs due to increased pressure within the brain which can be detected via optic nerves, pressure tests and peripheral vision tests.

As you have had this for a year I would say that the issue is probably your ears and/or anxiety.

If you had a tumour for a year that was at the stage of causing symptoms, you would know by now. Acoustic tumours usualy cause people to lose their hearing quite significantly. Hope this helps you a bit x

4

i had a hearing test ive got a bit of hearing loss the dr said it was ageing im 58 btw i brouit up the subject of tumour bv he dismissed it and said the test didnt show a tumour ive also got a vitreous detachment the eye dr didnt mention any thing abov a tumour

5

I hope things get better for you

6

Thank you I was just wondering how others deal with stress also, I felt I wanted to share how I was feeling in some way because suppressing it only makes it worse

7

Hey Sillymop. I'm in similar boat right now. Last week my anxiety started again. Feeling constantly nervous, having intrusive thoughts, and overall just don't feel normal or like myself. And today is like my first full day back...where I'll be working and going to lectures for a 13+ hour day. And I'm scared. Lots of things have happened recently in my personal and family life, and I just feel like I'll never be back to my old self again. I'll feel good for like 10 minutes and then feel anxious for the next 30. Up and down all the time. And I think I'm coming down with a cold too. Wish I knew better how to ease your mind. All I can say is that I'm feeling pretty bad and vulnerable right now too. 

8

Hi Nick thank you for sharing with me. Attending lectures within a 13+ hour working day would make me feel very anxious as well, especially at the moment.

I can definitely relate in terms of permanently being up and down. I feel my mood rise and my symptoms ease and I feel almost normal. Then it creeps in and I'm holding myself rigid, fearful of losing control and ultra aware of every sensation I experience. It's not nice...

It's hard not to feel like we are part of a waiting game, doesn't it? Waiting for it to pass, waiting to feel normal. Waiting. Waiting...

Like you I want to live properly but it's so hard to function normally at the moment. It's hard to stop waiting.

9

It's sad too because sometimes I let these feelings, which I can't always even describe, make me miss out on stuff. I've never really been one to go out or have friends, but I've had opportunities lately to reconnect with old friends and I missed it. Because I just didn't feel well and wanted to stay inside. It's pretty terrible. One of the only things that helps is to know that I'm not alone in all this, others can relate. 

10

I can relate. I often put off social meetings because I don't feel 'able' to go. I cannot quite put into words why I feel unable, it just feels like I cannot go. This can spill out onto going out alone or going out to do things for myself. I put them off because I feel I can't.

Yes, reading others experiences on here really does help sometimes. It's nice to see you are not alone.

11

Life never eases of as such, Iam sixty six and I feel things are getting easier as I get older.

Look on the internet for a book on Mindfullness this course will help you relax and control the negativity you are suffering from. I hopefully help with your health worries

 

12

There are people walking around who go with flow and accept life as is. No matter what. They know they have only a certain amount of real control in the outside enviornemnt and dont spend much time wishing the past was different, the present is different or dread possible future predictions they self impose. Those people are the happier ones walking this Earth. Then theres us. Its a personality thing to some extent. 

You want to become a tyoe b personality lol. But you arent one. I used to want the same thing to be one of those laid back calm people who take life in stride. Hahahaha next lifetime i shall 

i dont have the magic answer for you. I have t found it myself. I do feel the people around us play a role in all this as well. Not everyone is comforting or soothing. Some even aggravate the whole thing worse. Some maybe trigger it. Not even trying to blame others but this disorder and have ailments is hard. Lets be real. It is hard. It gets lonely and we are very aware of everything. The only answer i have found of any use is surrendering to it all. Just be like okay this is me and this is how i am now i want to have more fun in my life.

I just feel its harder when the outside people..any people who surround you try to push and force their personalities or their idea of fun on you. Does that make sense? I know my husbands idea of fun things to do arent mine at times. He likes loud music..i cant stand it. Same with movies at times..they are too loud. This relates to the eustatian tube part as well. Then he will attempt to make me feel bad like im screwed up because i dont want to enjoy what he enjoys. Mhm. Cant even make him care that it causes me distress to be in loud enviornments. He doesnt get it. God made him all perfect ohyscially lol..not really but he only knows his own dislikes. Anyway point is that stuff whether its a spouse, family or friend it causes anxiety and issues. We are in different mindsets.

nothing wrong with feeling sorry for yourself if it helps you grow as a person or learn something about yourself that you can change. Life isnt all equal and fair. We all know that. We are all on different chapters of a book of life lol. So best not to compare your chapter to someone elses. It plays with the mind if you do that. 

Also realease doctors are not Gods and science is not a relifon it changes on a dime. They can only study what has been done, taught and prooven. Very few think out of the box or view the person as a whole not a part. Scientist and researchers are more of the out of box people not doctors. They are mostly cut and dry. And absolutely have to function in their own set of rules placed on them by insurance companies. Many tests are a small fortune. And know mris just emerged in 1977 so they doesnt even know everything they are seeing yet lol. I feel deep down the body knows how to heal many things on its own and when we over think, pour the medicine of the trend in the body, eat wrong..etc..we screw up the healing process. So the thinking running to the doctor is the answer all the time..it seriously isnt. When sick yes. At least they can help to a certain point but not constatnly. Its a draining, expensive waste of time.

lastly it is not a loosing battle. It feels that way at times, but it isnt. There are ups and downs. So when your down know in your heart that means some ups are on their way. Think like its a map with hills and valleys. Picture that cause i think anxiety is like that. We all just cant stand the valleys. Haha.(make you think of the map song lolol)

i havent done this yet but you  try the otovent and see if it helps your ear. Maybe youll get lucky. It takes a while for this stuff to self heal. Sometimes its fluid and sometimes is inflammation and unless they seriously go in there they dont always know which it is. It is extremely common, sucks big time i have been dealing with it since april on and off had three sinus/cold infections as did my family went round and round. Hang in there. 

If you ever find a the answer to get from type  a to type b personality send me a pm . 🙃 Accept yourself love as is. Surrender to it all. And go with flow instead of always trying to swim upstream or questioning what is. (Easier said then done)

 

13

Hi Mopsy

I am taking a break from the Forum but I saw this from you and so...will try to help

Unfortunately, some people in life had a health issue. With me it was lifelong chronic migraines. With my youngest son it was ashthma With you it appears to be an ear problem

This is not to say you will have this forever. But for now you have to accept that this, for you, is a problem and, working with your GP, hopefully it can be resolved in the fullness of time

I am glad you are able to accept you have this ear problem as opposed  to spiralling into panic and imagining it is something other, something far worse/scarey.

Acceptance plays a great part in one's ability to cope and overcome. I appreciate not everyone agrees with me. I base this concept on my own life experiences.

One of the hardest obstacles to overcome with Anxiety Disorder, is the inability to accept test results/diagnoses by the medical profession. This is because the symptoms are so horrendous the rational mind cannot believe such suffering is due to anxiety alone

Thus a fear of some underlying disease hovers.

I do not underestimate how abysmal life can be when such fears arise nor how difficult it is to overcome them. The mind trying to tell you one thing and the body upholds the conviction that one is ill unto death.

I'll have a heart attack.!

It must be cancer!

I have a tumour!

All those fears appear to be proven by the symptoms

But this enormous mountain can be scaled with acceptance

As far as your life changing?

All change is scarey. We feel comfortable in our routine. And I for one believe that those with AD are to some certain extent, control freaks. Thus the onslought of panic and anxiety symptoms, are extra frightening because we have, we believe, lost control.

And to some extent this is true

If we could control the symptoms they would disappear instantly

But the taking control requires time and practice and it is hard to be patient when one is afraid But it can be done.It is done.No matter how many times AD knocks us flat on our backs we spring right back up again

The courage,  the determination of AD sufferers is remarkable

No matter how dark the day, the hour, the moment, the spirit burns like a bright light.

It apears to me that at this moment you are viewing your life and circumstances with negativity. You are tired of fighting? It's not about fighting, honey, it's about getting your ducks all in a row.

Not seeing all your issues as one great lump of a problem but viewing them, dealing with them, one by one

Change is inevitable. We might not always like it nor embrace it. But we have to take the best of that change. And whilst you might never be the same, as you say, yearning for what once was will only make you miserable. You have to concentrate upon what is to come, and what you will be

Nothing remains the same forever nor can you expect it to.Life flows like the sea. You have to go with it.

You will get nowhere trying to swim against the tide

Hugs, Helen xx

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14

Hi Helen it a lovely to hear from you again. I'm sorry to hear that you are taking a break from the forum (for selfish reasons!) but I hope the break does you good

Everything you say is right, most especially where you note that a lot of GAD sufferers are control freaks. I am definitely guilty of this... I seek control when/where I have felt I have none. After experiencing scary years as a child where I was completely at the mercy of someone, the prospect of being out of control frightens me. This is also why I have OCD. I try to keep control it many ways, even though most are ridiculous.

My anxiety constantly changes at the moment as my symptoms change. I am on a steroid nasal spray and have been using this for over two weeks and now my eyes feel a little funny. The issue with my ears has made them feel odd before, now it seems a little more persistent and it again raises my anxiety: is it the spray? Am I allergic? Will I damage my eyes? Is it my ears? Is it something else? Something worse?

And on and on...

I hate what is happening to me. I want it to go away so that I can return to normal once and for all... My partner tells me that I need to be patient. I know he is right.

I also need to trust my GP. I often doubt them because on two occasions as a child when a family members life threatening illnesses were missed until they ended up being rushed to hospital. This has stuck with me and always made me doubt them, if I was honest.

15

Hi Mopsy,

well Taking a break but still looking out for friends

I too like a measure of control. I am a very neat/tidy person who hates clutter. A place for everything and everything in it's place. Chaos is so stressful.

Anxiety does fluctuate, dependant upon how one feels physically. I appreciate it is hard to maintain a sense of proportion when symptoms attack. Doubts can be stronger than common sense at times.

Questioning your problem and questioning the remedy will enhance the symptoms, Mopsy. Sometimes the "cure" is worse than the complaint, honey. You have to look at the bigger picture. Patience, as your partners so rightly says

Patience, of course, is difficult for those with AD We contend with the symptoms for so long, we wait for meds to absorb into the system for so long, we utilise the self-help methods for so long. We go throught CBT for so long

It's all wait, wait, wait.

That is so difficult to come to terms with. But at the end of the day there is no alternative. Much of the cure lies within ourselves. Hard as that is to swallow, meds or no meds, at the end of the day it is down to us to drag ourselves back to normality

No one wants to acknowledge that. Not you. Not me. Not anyone. We want our GP/the hospital to "make us better. "

They cannot. They can only give what little assistance is at their fingertips. And that is not much. Barely anything.

I can understand your trust issues with GP's because of what occured when you were a child. Sadly, such things did happen. And yes, they can happen now. But the instances are rare now. Medecine has moved on, information about illnesses has more recognition that it has ever had. There are more tests available than ever before.

But you do need to trust your GP. Allowing doubts to enter your mind impedes the path to your recovery.

That which you are experiencing with your ears is unpleasant, it has an adverse effect with other sensory functions. It is a thing apart from your anxiety. However, it is your anxiety that feeds/enhances the symptoms and at the same time feeds your fear.

Watching your symptoms, so to speak, exaggerates them and ignites panic

I know there are Forum members who disagree, but as I stated, I can only draw from my own personal experience, but accepting you have a problem...one seperate from the AD..will enable you to control it, insofar as you will not add panic. You will not add mounting anxiety

As I said, all my life I suffered with chronic migraines, and would lay in a darkened room in crippling pain, dry vomiting because it was so bad. Had I allowed myself to think, This cannot be a migraine! I must have a brain tumour! my symtpoms would have enhanced due to fear, my life have been a misery.

So yes, Mopsy dear, accept the ear problem and all that goes with it .Accept the treatment albeit it nasty.

Anxiety. Ear problems. Don't confuse the two

Accept that in life there will be changes

Those changes can be positive if you look at them with an unjaundiced eye.

I send as always, big hugs xxx

16

Helen, I am so thankful that you take the time to reply to my posts. I really mean that. I value your words because they are said with sincerity, wisdom and reason and you seem to have this ability to sooth me. I am sure everyone else here feels the same.

I have never experienced a place quite like this forum and never thought I would be able to meet people like yourself. It's been a bit of a revelation for me..because I don't often tell people what I live through and so in turn, they probably do not tell me...

Please don't go for long!!!

17

Hi Mopsy

I hope I have helped I do try, drawing on my own experience with the misery of AD

And I will always respond to you. I just needed time out, if you can understand that?

I'm sad that today has not been a good day for you.

At times AD can feel overwhelming. At such times you need to sit quietly and try to calmly sort out your thoughts as opposed by feeling crushed by the symptoms and you fears

Seperate the physical illness from the AD. By co-mingling them in your mind you make them impossible to cope with

Don't let today overshadow tomorrow, Mopsy. Deal with the here and now. Tomorrow will take care of itself

And sleep. AD is exhausting both physically and mentally. When we are weary, our defenses are lowered.

Rest. Heal.

I send hugs as always

Helen xx

18

I can understand that. Sometimes I think seeing so many people sharing their AD stories can go from being helpful to perhaps making it worse and so I can understand the need to pull away for a bit and regroup

I am always worse myself during certain times of the month. I find they make my anxiety worse sometimes up to a week before and during.

I get a little imbarassed to ask other women if they experience this too. For a while I couldn't see the connection, but as I am getting older I can. It seems to make everything worse, including physical symptoms and of course, if you are ill it makes that worse too. I can't be the only one.

Yes, sitting quietly and applying mindfulness is very helpful. It is good to try and collectively put things into place and not allow for anxiety to run away with you. You are right.

19

Hi Mopsy,

You are correct. People post every day and it can be somewhat depressing and you cannot help everyone, despite wishing to do so.

A very wise Forum member, who at the moment is seriously ill, advised me to choose my Forum connections, ie, only reach out to those I genuinely felt my opinion could be of value, as opposed to the headless chicken method of  mentally running round trying to respond to one and all, which gets one nowhere but mentally stressed ones self

And to take time out as and when needed

You are also correct about the impact hormonal changes affect AD. My migraines and my AD were heightened leading up to and during menstruation.

There is little one can do, I found, about that,. Nature will have it's way.

Taking extra care of one's self by being gentle with ones self helps. Plenty of sleep, making sure we are hydrated and four light meals a day.

Lolling in the bath was one of my favourites, lazy beast that I could be at such times. And a quiet hour or so, No distractions noise wise.

Having AD is somewhat like groping in the dark. We fumble around blindly until we find methods of self help that suit us as an individual human being.

Trial and error, Mopsy. I wish it were otherwise. I see postings from those who are terrified and it makes me so sad. I wish there were a pill one could swallow to make it all go away. A magic wand

But no, it's a long hard slog to get on top of things because AD alters and changes which is frustrating

One symptom can be overcome only to find a new one appears. And when this happens it is vital not to feel defeated. Because you can, if you keep calm and not let it throw you into a panic, overcome that as you have overcome other symptoms

Day by day, step by step, one problem at a time, Mopsy. If you can see the symptoms/ problems, as individual attackers, coming at you out of nowhere ?

You could not overcome them as a whole.You would be easily defeated

You win  by tackling them one by one

Mindfullness is a wonderful tool. Being a fiction writer I took that concept to a different platform. I wrote things down. Seeing it in print/ on my comp screen, clarified it for me. It made a semblence of order out of chaos. The written word is a powerful tool

Perhaps seeing is believing? I truly don't know. Works for me though

Use whatever you can, Mopsy, to keep you determined, focused, calm and positive

Hugs Helen

 

20

Hi Helen. I am truly glad that you feel your advice won't be lost on me.

Don't get me wrong, I have many headless chicken moments (I like that saying!) where I fall to pieces, panic and despair. I also have a lot of times where I feel I am on the edge of this: about to fall any minute into full blown panick and I seem to teeter at this point for days or weeks or more.

This is where I am currently.l and I can feel myself pulling myself back and not allowing full blown despair quite yet.

My meds are making my eyes funny..they either feel a little sore or stiff or my vision feels like it is jumping or bouncing. I can't lie, I am finding this quite frightening but my partner thinks I need to push onward and keep taking the medication until my next appointment to review my medicine.

Like you I am a writer and I fear losing my vision or that medication could damage it in some way.

I have been trying to read up on my condition and have found that vestibular disorders can affect your eyes in the way I describe, but I just wish I could start to see light at the end of the tunnel. Currently it all feels worse...but I cannot let myself panic or return to where I was a few months ago.

We spoke quite regularly during my lowest points and I think perhaps you better than anyone could see how bad I was.

I would like to branch out and speak to more people but I have cut myself off from people terribly. It is all my own doing, I know this - but it has left me quite alone. I do not have many friends, I never have. I'm quite reclusive to a flaw and this poses both good and bad points.

AD as you once said can make us feel lonely. I think it is because our actions can push other's away even though this is unintentional.

Yes, regular meals, being kind to yourself and indulging in restful activities is a must. It feels like a stolen moment away from anxiety..and those moments are very special.