Bipolar BF dumped me! Please help me understand

Mental health
1

hey everyone,

to start off my now ex bf has been seeing a therapist because earlier in the relationship I told him he should cause I know something was wrong I even was the one to say that he might have bipolar disorder and come to find out he did and that was about a year ago so recently about two weeks ago we got into a fight he was having a mental breakdown over text message and I tried to understand and say what I think he wants/needs to hear he then got mad at me because I wasn’t answering the right way anymore then stopped replying and two hours later said that we need to talk and I was so taken back by this he said I don’t care about what he was talking about because of how I was answering but I genuinely do so I met up him to talk about what he needed to talk about we decided to take a break just for two weeks while he goes to an outpatient program and gets on medicine (he’s really trying) we decided on the break but he still wanted to hangout that night so we did,everything was normal even great but then two days later he texted me saying he needed to talk to me so we met up again which he said that he wanted to now breakup because he went to the psychiatrist that morning and decided that he was a lot worse then he thought and two weeks wasn’t gonna do which is fine I wasn’t fine with the breakup because I thought as a couple we should work on it together like we have been but also can’t tell him to not go work on himself when all he wants is to be happy with himself all up to this point he kept saying he loved me he wants a future with me and he’s doing this for him but also for us cause he sees a future in me he/we even talked about marriage and how we had an amazing connection almost like soulmates he was/is? so in love with me. But he wanted to be alone he didnt want to be half in the relationship cause i deserved sm more so I let him there was times where I texted him cause I need reassurance about us and how he felt about me so I didn’t exactly have the best time leaving him alone but I did back off and then about a week ago I texted him because between that week we decided we could do check ups and I wanted to check up on him after his outpatient program and he told me he was having a rough day but I did unfortunately give him an attitude about texting me because I thought that’s what we were doing we then got into another fight him saying how he can’t trust me with his feelings because how I give him an attitude and have said mean things to him (nothing terrible...I fully regret and have apologized for) he just wanted me to show him I was changing working on that and I fully understand I shouldn’t say things to hurt him or give him an attitude in his weakest points then the day after we met up again basically just deciding we need to not talk because we both have heightened emotions do to the break which is totally understandable and how his “heart” is telling him to be alone right now cause he just wants to get better but still says that wants to be with me so we decided on that but we still established we wanted a future together and that eventually we will get back together no matter how long it takes because we are meant to be together but he also says that he doesn’t know what the future holds but he is hopeful that we will get back together/belong together I then left him alone for some odd days I think about 5 and we talked he was completely fine perfect even telling me how it’s great to have reassurance I don’t hate him and I still do love him and want to be with him even saying when he gets to where he wants I’ll be the first to know and we will be back together and then he texted me the next day saying he wants this to be a break up (like we decided on) I know it’s my fault breaking what he wants with texting him sm and asking the same questions for reassurance it definitely got annoying I just was so overwhelmed with the constant change of what will happen like between a future and no future he basically said the we shouldn’t be hopeful for it we need to cut all ties and saying he needs to let me go no more false hope and then I call him cause he literally flip flopped in between yesterday and today and he said he fell out of love with me he still loves me as a person but not in love with me anymore and this started a couple months ago which makes no sense to anyone I’ve told cause we were perfect up until a couple weeks ago I asked him about that and he just apologized for leading me on and not being honest with me with his impending feelings and holding on to what we have left and not how he didn’t know if it was a mental low or truly felt that way and he decided it wasn’t a mental low and that’s how he felt but then he discreetly agrees to maybe us getting back together (saying he won’t allow his brain to think this way but doesn’t tell me no when I said who knows what will happen in the future) after some time has past to let this whole breakup settle even agrees to after a while being friends is 100% possible he just needs his space which now I will give him and not text him so often annoying him with the same questions.... I just want to know is this relationship I total loss or is there a possible hope that he will come back and we can start a new relationship as better people with some space and working on what we want to it just seems that he doesn’t want to let me go but has to right not he doesnt want any other girl not looking for any relationship just wants to be alone i just dont know what to think about if we do/dont have a future ( sorry this is so long just didnt want to leave anything out)

2

Hey this sounds like me yrs ago im. Now 30 with Bipolar things can get so confusing in your head when your not on medication it’s sounds like he could maybe having a mixed episode this means one minute your certain on what you want you feel great wanna party meet up yet at the same time your confused about everything you question your self question others start maybe been paranoid maybe a lil temper it’s total chaos in your head but at the same time it must also be hard for others around us once maybe lithium or what ever he goes on kicks in as long as he stays on it it can really calm things an slow the madness in your head. Down hope this helps a little xx

3

thank you so much!! this does help!! do you think I should still have hope for a future relationship after he takes his time with therapy and medication?

4

Oh absolutely he must have feelings to begin with he. Maybe having a little episode we can be complicated people haha when I had episodes I’d want to be out on the town socialising partying doin all. Sorts of crazy ■■■■ thinking I’m a billionaire buying the whole. Pub rounds lol and I wouldn’t call my partner for days because I didn’t know what I wanted in life but once I came back down to earth I realised I did want her an I felt guilt an all sorts because of how I acted but once I got on my meds an help I stopped all that saw things clearly but this doesn’t mean you have to sit back an take. It all this is your life and your feelings to remember that so put your self first sometimes before him because you matter to we can be quiet selfish sometimes and I realise this now was goin to leave this chat group but I’ll keep it open. Incase u ever have questions or need advice x

5

There’s always hope :grin:.
I’ve BP and BPD, from my own personal perspective, one of the worst combinations. I’m 32, I’ve 3 children with my partner of 12 years. My psychiatrist is astonished by this as we don’t tend to have stable relationships but that’s more because of the BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).
My partner has known I’ve been mentally I’ll for years but I only accepted and got help this past year. it’s the only reason we’re still together is because she loves me and knew I am ill because it literally controls your life and leaves you in a state of pure confusion as to all the extremities, highs, lows, Rollercoaster of emotions daily. Made me a living nightmare and that’s putting it Extremely lightly! I used to push her away and Leave because I needed her to fight for me so I knew she loved me.. I know.. it’s a complete head trip, just one of the many joys of everyday life for myself and many like me. anyways, Albo33 got it spot on so just thought I’d drop you a line to say, it’s tough, sometimes really tough, but it’s worth it in the end.
Hope this helps in some way.
All my best wishes,
Stay strong x

6

thank you this gives me so much hope for in the future that we will! is it true that the meds change you into a different person though? like will he even what me still on meds like will the meds change what he thinks of me?

7

I wouldn’t say a different person, it would just seem like that to some because of drastic changes depending on how severe a condition affects a person. Everyone is different and responds different to treatment. The thing is, he’s getting himself sorted. it might of scared him and might of made him not want to drag you through the mess he feels he’s about to go through.
If he loves you he’ll be back once things settle down, I’m sure of it :grin:

8

Need some help. I have been with my Fiancé for 4 years, engaged for almost 3 years, 3 years ago we were set to get married NOV 6th -he did this same thing left me and talked to other women, came back and asked me to marry him. For 3 years it has been ok, a lot of fighting, everything my fault, rage and other abuse. He now left me again and the next day was on dating websites and talking to other women. His medication was increased from 10mg to 20mg he was off he was on. Forgets to take consistently then when he goes into rage calls the doctor so 3 weeks ago they increased to 30mg due to some anger and physical abuse outbursts, did this just cause his mania or whatever is happening? Will he come back? HE is on all kinds of dating sites and this past Monday he did say “I love you” so d I asked what we were going to do and he said “I don’t know… but your haircut looked cute” that was so weird and did not sound like him, not something he would say. Then he said the following and it is worrying me and I think he needs to talk to a therapist " I am REALLY broken. In many ways. My Body. My Mind. My Spirit. My actions. I can’t HELP a lot of it. Then he said I love you. I am sorry for the mean things I said last night and hasn’t spoken to me since because he is talking to other women. Will he come back after this episode should I give up. HE says he loves me.