Borderline insanity trying to suppress anxiety

Mental health
1

Hello.

I'm having a very rough time.

I live in constant fear that I will mess up in the tiniest of says and it will have the biggest result that I never wanted. I also live in constant fear that I may be dead, dying, or even in a coma, and that what I'm experiencing now is just my mind filling the empty space and time with a reality to keep my mind busy.

I suffer from derealization and depersonalization, or so I tell myself.

I worry that I might go insane. So much so. Like I worry that my mind will just Crack and I will do something that I don't want to do.

I relate everything to sex and that seems to be my outlet for me trying to feel.

I've tried depression medication. Anxiety medication. Ptsd. Medication. Meditation. I just really want to get better.

All my emotions feel dull, if not fake and I spend my time trying to figure out how to feel.

People commend me for how smart I am. But I always feel stupid and feel like I'm never using my full potential.

I can't keep focused on something for very long until I get bored.

I'm scared.

I've felt this way for years but only recently has it had me concerned if I was going insane or would do something out of my control. I don't know why this worries me. But I'm scared

Any feedback or suggestions would be helpful

2

It sounds like you could have pure obsessional (sometimes called pure O) OCD. Do some googling of this condition and you mind find it fits your symptoms. Therapy with an OCD specialist might be very helpful smile

3

I know this might be difficult to believe but all of what you are experiencing is the result of being in an anxiety state. You are feeling anxious, that's all. You are not going mad, you are not going to die. You are okay, you are just feeling anxious. You are not going to do anything 'crazy'. These are all very common symptoms of anxiety. I have had them and many, many thousands of people also have them. We think we're going mad, we think we are going to die, we fear something awful is going to happen or we will do something awful. The point is, we don't. Nobody has ever gone mad or died from being anxious. In fact, anxiety is our own defence mechanism. It is trying to protect us (mistakenly) from a danger (which does not exist). Being scared is okay. It is normal to feel scared as a human being. It just feels very uncomfortable. Trying (gently) to accept your anxiety rather than being at war with it is the first step to healing the fear of fear.

4

Felt like this for 3 years. Just want it to stop