I am desperate . Diagnosed with BPD last year. My emotions are a roller coaster ride and I'm always angry and irritable. I feel suicidal daily and won't commit due to having three children and a very poorly husband. It's getting beyond copable now and I feel that my whole family hates me. My husband is so poorly that his illness comes first and I feel like I am going out of my mind. I never smile and never go out and just continually think about dying. My children are 1 , 2 and 15 - I feel like I can't cope with them but am terrified that if I tell the mental health services exactly what's going on in my mind then they will take my children, put me in a psychiatric unit and then my husband will die if his illnesses and my children will be left with no parents. I am beyon frightened. Nothing makes me happy even my babies, all I want to do is curl up in a ball and die. I see no future for me, don't believe I am worthy of love and will only ruin anyone's love for me anyway due to my anger. It comes on so quick it's like I've been hit with a sledgehammer , I then only think about death. I am so desperate. My mental health team ironically have discharged me , my paranoid mind says it's because they don't think any things wrong. I then spend a lot of time rumitising on his crap they are and if they can't help them what's the point. The only meds that help is Diazapem but I can only be given small amounts and the pychiayrist has not suggested anything else😢 I would take any thing to help but they won't offer anything , I though t mood stabilisers may work, suggested it to doctor but got no comeback . Everyone who knows me thinks I'm this very happy lovely spiritual person, because that's what I must portray to them , but my immediate family think I'm a psycho basically so I just don't see the point in living anymore
Hi kittyb76
We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.
If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.
Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.
If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.
Kindest regards
Patient
Hi Kitty
Your mental health team will help you. They are not there to split families up they will do all they can to keep you together. It is important that you share how you are feeling and get the help and support you need for all of your sakes.
Stay strong and good luck
Salut Kitty,
Je suis vraiment désolé que tu traverses cela, s'il te plaît, ne baisse pas les bras. Les choses vont s'améliorer, ça ne peut pas te sembler ainsi, mais ce sera le cas et un jour tu souriras et riras à nouveau. J'étais dans le même bateau, moi aussi je souffre de TPL (Trouble de la personnalité limite), j'avais des sautes d'humeur folles, des pleurs, des cris envers les gens, je sentais que je perdais la tête. Plusieurs hospitalisations. Je n'avais pas les meilleurs psychiatres ou thérapeutes, alors j'ai continué à chercher jusqu'à ce que je trouve quelqu'un. Continue à chercher. Tu trouveras le bon psychiatre et thérapeute avec thérapie et compassion. On m'a prescrit du Topamax pour mon TPL, c'est pour la régulation des émotions. Depuis, je me sens comme une personne toute neuve. Plus de cris, d'automutilation, de pensées suicidaires. Je te conseille de te renseigner sur ce médicament. Il m'a sauvé la vie. Je prends aussi du Remeron pour un trouble dépressif majeur, du Wellbutrin XL 300, du Buspar et du Klonopin pour l'anxiété et les attaques de panique. Et du Trazodone 50 mg pour le sommeil. Il y a de l'espoir, s'il te plaît, continue à poster.
Josephine thank you so much for your reply. I wrote this when I was at my worst but still feel lousy
I have seen my doctor today and asked to try topamax , she agreed, but given I am highly sensitive to most medication she has given me a very small dose which I will try tonight. Thank you so much for your suggestion as I researched the drug and it seems to be really helpful for BPD sufferers.
My condition as you well know can seriously affect everyone in the family so I am praying I will find the right medication for me.
Unfortunately my husband is very angry at the moment as my impulsivity lead me to gamble and as a result I have relapsed as I gamble when stressed
I have however been out today for the first time in a while , I saw a close friend and told her about my illness. I don't tell anyone really what goes on at home or in my mind so it's a win for today but now I'm fearful of the outcome of my gambling as husband won't speak to me. Thank you again for your kind words , it's really appreciated x
Je vous en prie. Faites-moi savoir comment cela se passe. Votre médecin peut augmenter progressivement votre dose.
Hey kittyb76,
Je viens de réaliser que cela a été posté il y a environ cinq jours, mais je vais répondre quand même.
On m'a diagnostiqué un trouble de la personnalité limite (BPD) il y a environ huit mois et je vois une thérapeute toutes les deux semaines ou chaque semaine si j'en ai besoin. Elle m'a dit qu'il y a tellement de choses qui se passent avec nous qui avons un BPD qu'il n'y a pas de médicament spécifique pour cela, car les médicaments contre l'anxiété et la dépression ne ciblent que ces choses mais pas l'ensemble de notre maladie.
J'ai été sous antidépresseurs par intermittence depuis l'âge de 14 ans et je n'ai jamais compris pourquoi mes émotions étaient encore si intenses alors que j'en prenais. Ils ciblaient ma dépression, mais tous les autres traits de mon BPD s'aggravaient.
Ce qui peut aider avec le BPD, c'est la thérapie et la thérapie comportementale dialectique (DBT), elles aident à calmer la tempête, à apprendre à faire face à vos émotions et à les comprendre, et à enseigner la pleine conscience. Je commence la DBT individuelle le mois prochain et je suis très excitée.
C'est une chose difficile à gérer, toujours se sentir en colère et avoir cette sensation de vide qui nous semble constante. Je te comprends, ma fille, et j'espère que tu pourras trouver quelque chose pour t'aider.