Can’t stop crying

Mental health
1

It really is a bad day today. Scared of being alone. Asked my 15yr old daughter to stay off school today as I feel scared. Which isn’t like me.

I hate to show anyone any sort of weakness or problems let alone my daughter.

I just broke down crying and I just can’t stop.

I feel so useless and selfish, feel like I’m being a burden on my family & it’s not fair!

I’m scared about the stool test tomorrow.

Keep thinking my other tests are wrong. Blood tests, ultrasound on abdomen area and X-ray on lungs.

My minds telling me there’s something wrong.  I have lost half a stone in the past 2-3 weeks. And have a bowel movement every early morning which is porridge formed. It was twice for a few days but only going the once now. I was struggling to consume anything the last couple of weeks  but the last few days I can eat little & often, which can be hard when you have no appetite. 

I really am trying to think positive and help myself. Yesterday was a good day. Today is not! 

Mind keeps thinking the worst! That I have the C word.

Really really feel bad today. To a point I just don’t know! I feel really selfish feeling this way to.

I lost my mother in law last September to pancreatic c. And it’s scared me to death.

I hate hate this! Tomorrow seems so far away. I don’t even know how I’m going to be! When they done an ultrasound on my pelvis & asked for internal I panicked so much laying there thinking I never gave my pelvis a seconds thought, there’s something wrong. I cried with relief when I got told all ok

But my minds telling me there’s something wrong. I was diagnosed with acute diarrhoea on Monday when I went up. As they couldn’t find any bugs or anything wrong with stool sample. But tomorrow’s abit more of a thorough stool sample check I think. I’m scared.

I keep thinking I need to be locked up or something.

2

Calm down!! =(

You're letting your negative thoughts get the best of you, I do it myself as an anxiety sufferer. But you have to stop thinking about the IFs and remember the positive evidence you have!!

You said you have done numerous tests already and everything has come back normal. It's highly unlikely for something to be seriously wrong and for them to miss it on blood work, an ultrasound, AND an X Ray. Something would have shown up on one of those!

I get diarrhea ALL the time when I am anxious, it's like immediate too, as soon as I start feeling panicky or nervous it's like 5 min later bathroom trip. This is a very common symptom of nervousness and anxiety. I read the reason behind it in an anxiety book and it's actually kind of funny... It goes back to prehistoric cavemen days, where your body feels it is in danger (the panic/anxiety feeling) and so it tries to lighten itself to be able to run away from the danger faster. So by this, you may have to urinate, or pass a bowel movement or even throw up, bc your body is trying to make you lighter to run faster lol. Fortunately we're no longer cavemen escaping tigers, so this is a bit of a malfunction nowadays. But still kinda funny right?

I say you make a list out on paper, of all the POSITIVE evidence that you do not have something seriously wrong with you - that will help you remember everything good and reinforce it. I do this a lot myself with my own health anxiety worries.

Also, have you seen a therapist? I see one who specializes in anxiety and it helps me a lot.

 

3

Also, the explanation for your weight loss is the diarrhea. Anytime I am experiencing diarrhea often from anxiety I always am lighter and drop a few pounds.

4

Thanks for your reply Philly89. 

I’m sorry you suffer from this horrible anxiety too.

Just really nervous about tomorrow’s test.

I should of had my CBT phone consultation on Tuesday, but was at A&E again. 

But will phone to rearrange.

My partner thinks all along it’s the health anxiety, but when I started to have trouble eating anything ( for about 4-5 days) couple of weeks ago and the soft stools every morning, & weight loss, that’s when I started to panic even more. I drink a lot of water and juice now more than ever before.

My partner tries to reassure me about the tests that they are right & I’m fine.

Wish I could believe it. Since April when this all started there always seems to be different things that come & go. The past couple of days the dizziness has gone, hopefully for good. I also worry about my bilirubin levels as they fluctuate a lot & have recently been quite high but they put it done to Gilbert’s syndrome. But then I think is it?  How can they be certain etc etc...

But according to blood tests and ultrasound scan everything normal.

My brain just can’t shut off. I’ve always been an over thinker, but now it’s all bad.

Do you recommend therapy? I’ve always been quite a private person tbh. But on these sites I can offload.

5

I HIGHLY recommend therapy. You can use the Psychology Today website and search for one in your area, who takes your insurance, and who specializes in things like Anxiety issues. That's what I used to find mine, it made it to easy.

I thought about going on medication for my anxiety but once I started seeing a therapist I felt so much better, and I still have my bad days obv but I really believe therapy kept me from needing meds. Not only does the therapist help me by teaching my breathing techniques and rationalizing my fears etc, but I think just me saying my fears out loud to others helps in itself.

Something my therapist said to me that I try to keep in mind - just bc you THINK there is something wrong with you doesn't mean there actually is. That's what anxiety is - irrational worries. There is absolutely no certainty to thoughts, they are just thoughts and thinking them does not make them real. So no matter how much you may THINK you are sick, etc. you cannot think yourself into sickness. All you are doing is just making yourself feel upset while in reality your body is probably perfectly fine (being that your tests show everything is normal). The bad physical symptoms you are having are from that anxiety, not from a sickness, otherwise your tests would show it! So you just need to work on the anxiety and that will fix the rest.

It sounds silly that anxiety could cause such severe symptoms, but I always say - my friend is an EMT and she says you wouldn't believe the amount of 911 calls they get for heart attacks and other health issues, that actually end up just being anxiety/panic attacks. So that right there tells you how severe physical symptoms could be from anxiety!