I'm nervous today.. Last night I was up almost all night after some news was going on around here.. Anyways I got up and was ok.. All of a sudden I sat down and got chest pains in the middle and basically everywhere around my left breast. It just won't stop. It'll come and go, but of course im leaning towards it meaning an impending death.. I dont feel like it's gas so what is it? I've never had this pain where it just keeps going. Its also on the side of my breast closest to my armpit so I'm a bit confused. It goes from pain to slight discomfort, but naturally I'm focusing and telling myself I cantbmove or I'll die right now.. Great way to start the day!
Happily i can comfort you by telling you this wont kill you. But you know that already.
suffering is quite unenjoyable too. Not going to lie. Haha.
You dont have to sit there discusiing all this with your thoughts today. You have had enough experience with this exact feeling and scenario to say..look body i love you today i have many things to do and i am going to fo them. I know you are feeling anxious, some weird sensations..but you will be functioning anyway. Then take all the symptoms and fears get up and go function. No reason to revisit those thoughts anymore. They arent kind thoughts or feelings. The body and minds are just going thru the same ole patterns and cycles as before. So theres this expression...broken crayons still color...go about your day anyway. Bring the wobbly legs, bring the heart sensations..bring it all but go about your day and be sure to let yourself know you love yourself and its okay to go ahead and function even with all the sensations. Retrain all this love. Yes it will feel weird and you'll be like what but i feel..but i feel.. But now my..and i feel...Who cares already! Who cares what your "feeling" because those feelings are liars and he anxiety bully is behind it. So no you dont "need". Or have to put your energy into those sensations or thoughts.. They are all just some over played out pattern.
So rememeber broken crayons still color..go color now. Go live. Okay play with your kids, clean the house, work, keep busy lord knows you gave it enough thought already ...the anxiety bully is very needy hahah and clingy so dont allow it to demand your attention all the time.
Haha thank you. I took my daughter up to get a donut for breakfast (bad mommy award today lol) And they've calmed down.. Now I've told myself my hearts racing.. Which of course I know is because I'm anxious.. Having some chamomile tea and ignoring it now.. I think I might ask the doctor to prescribe me meds for gas bubbles, I have the sensations of those bubbles moving all around now that I've moved around a bit.. My newest thing is insisting my hearts beating fast.. Even if it isn't.. Yesterday my HR was a calm 76 (well calm for me) and in my mind it was 145 and I was about to die.. I'm slowly learning to let it go, but the pains are still what gets me every time.
Then the other day I saw a news article that said a 20 year old died after going into cardiac arrest at a gym.. Totally fit, active, and only 20. That sent me into a 4 day slump. But I'm getting laid off of my job in a few weeks so I'm going to not have so much time just sitting here thinking and over thinking.. Its a blessing in disguise I guess.
You know what the 20 year old died fast..right. I bet she never even has all this horrific anxiety. Cause thats more realistic on how it plays out. People die love.they do. Has nothing to do with anything. Your heart is okay. It has been tested more then most people walking this earth 🙃 You didnt know her many of these people that workout drink these massive caffiene workout drinks..you dont even know her lifestyle,.you know nothing just some damn story that give you no real facts except..oh she died.
Donuts happen to be very delicious. So nothing wrong with having a donut here and there. Haha
stop assessing your body so much its mind bending. Very good you are aware that it all does pass. With or without your thoughts lol.
The gas will calm down when you do. They sell gas x over the counter. Your body needs your mind to please hush and stop annoying it haha. Picture some out of control, screaming, kicking, crying, flailing cranky little troll tugging on you and call that..the anxiety bully. Picture that one 🤗.
Try some mommy and me yoga stuff. Get two mats and im sure utube has something like that available. Or go visit your local yoga studio. I think its very important you provide your child with options and tools to self calm because they can learn this from you and possible genetic and its life ruining for them. So give your child all the skills and tools now. You know what i mean here. Its only fair. And its a win win for both of you. Believe me they know your upset or not feeling right and believe me they need really good coping mechanisms themselves.
News articles about people dieing suddenly send me into a massive spiral too! it's horrible. Theres a footballer near my end who suddenly died while playing football on monday, 26 years old. That sent me into a massive spin big time.
But what you've got to remember is that these people have probably never had the tests that you've had. That 20 year old might of had some heart disease that could of easily been picked up on an ecg lf she went for one. Im sure like you you've had all the ecg's etc, It's rare for somebody to die suddenly of cardiac arrest anyway, but I wonder how rare it is for somebody to be screened for heart problems, and still suffer cardiac arrest? I think the odds would be very very slim!
Was doing better for the day, now the heartburn is coming back.. I had a Turkey sandwich with avocado and kettle chips for lunch before it started and a egg white and cheese on a crossaint before it started earlier..
Is the crossaint and chips maybe a bit too greasy? Usually it doesn't bother me though but I've suddenly been eating a lot more the past 4 days.. Mostly healthy foods but still..
The criosant is terrible for your stomach. They sicken me. All butter and nasty. The rest sounds very good. Kettle chips are my favorite haha i had some to day as well. Lunch was beautiful. I kmow the chips probably arent the best but a handful of chips wont hurt. Drink a full glass of fresh water after every meal you eat. A full glass. That will help. And forget croissants. Sadly.
I have a 24hr challange for you. If you are up to it. From when you read this post for 24hrs you only see the good in things, only "feel" things that are good. You tell yourself its a pain free, achee free no bs symptoms allowed..for 24hrs.. no matter what you think or feel that negative or illness related you do not "react" too. Try it. Literally do not allow any reactions or attactchment to any negative thoughts or symptoms for 24hrs. See how it works.
Its a little gift to yourself and a reminder to your mind, body and soul that there is an alternative to all this. You can control it for 24hrs. One day. Fake it, force..whatever needed but no reacting to anything but happiness.
I can predict in case your fear tries to slip in you wont die. Lol. You wont. So allow that as a given and just take the 24hr challenge. We can call it a mental vacation..or a gift to yourself.
You are such a sweet person and you have absolutely trapped yourself in a vicious endless pattern that needs to stop. The only way to even attempt to reset any of this is get a break from it. Which you are the only one who can give to yourself. So i hope you take the challenge. Its only 24hrs long.
Ok I'm going to try it. Its 140pm right now so 140 tomorrow I will check back in. I'm sick with a cold today so a ton of tea with honey and looking up recipes tonight.. I also found out yesterday we got the apartment we were looking at, so now to start packing too!
Hi ,maybe a pulled muscle. Easy to do in your sleep.
All depends on your digestive system,the egg white and chees actually sounds pretty healthy and the crosaint delicious. your stomach is probably just upset because of your nervous night. If i awake from a bad dream i get an upset stomach.
Excellent. And good youll be busy. Check tomorrow. Shhh no talking about any symptoms till tomorrow. And feel better too 😊
Well.. I almost made it... I didnt completely lose it like I normally would, but I ended up having a horrible night after finding out my friend talks about me after I do everything cor her. Her boyfriend has brainwashed her into thinking I'm horrible so he can control her. This led to a full panic attack, heart beating out of my chest, but I still managed to keep calm. Ironically enough, no chest pains at all yesterday. I know my HR is going fast because I'm sick but I'm still trying to keep calm about it all. Hopefully some soup and good rest will knock the rest out. I just hate the sick feeling of having my HR speed up just from sitting up. I'm going to have some soup and look up some more new things for the apartment. Maybe some Christmas shopping for the kids. Not letting it get me down today!
The friend thing is upsetting. No doubt. How did you find out about this? And why the heck would this information be relayed to you. And why is does the boyfriend feel so comfortable bad mouthing you with your "friend" mhmmm. Think about that. Dont let that junk bother you too much. Truth is they must have a very boring relationship if this is their topic of conversation.
You had no chest pains yesterday because you controlled your emotions they didnt control you. If all you do is talk about your symptoms all the time then surely they shall appear full force for you. Life can not be about symptoms. Too much stuff to do and see then sit there and assess the current symptom of the moment. Its a waste of time and energy. You check check check..check some more and the. Check your symptoms again. You absolutely have OCD. Yiu can resoind to the thiught but acknowledging it fast but dont react to it. Whi cares what your heart rate is at all. You know when there is a problem love..when you dont have a heart rate thats when you can worry. (Humor)
the cold sucks. Soup, steamy showers and laughing are the best healers. Ok maybe some shopping too haha.
I love that you are enjoying the apartment and new things and ideas for it. Run with that. Very fun.
And you know what i really live the last line of all this! Dont let it effect you. Why should it yo have a lovely family and great kids and new apartment and life is good. It really is. Aside frim the ocd of checking your symptoms, life is good. Your life is good. Your friends life ...eh haha.
I hooe your cold feel better soon. Please ince a week oick something that you tend to onsess about and junk it. One bad habit or constant sabatoging thiught a week has to be trashed. First ine is checking your heart rate. It serves no purpose. You have examined it, checked it out, monitored it, everything already. Leave it alone now. Your heart works love. Leave it alone you are getting in yiur own way to a really nice life.
Omg so sorry about the typos.
im going to keep blabbing haha..have you ever stopped and took a good look objectively at your life? Good ..Its lovely! Things are moving along really nicely overall. Stop and be grateful and very appreciative. Look at your kids..you made those haha. beautiful work you have done. Can you take five minutes here and see that if you removed the ocd health crap thoughts what a glorious life you would be living. Yes yes i really know that to a point is uncontrollable but you know what excuses begone..it is controllable to a point too. It is. You prooved that yesterday. Some of this is habit. The second you emotionally get upset you run to symptoms. They are your comfort anxiety zone . Its not comforting but that where you go in your head. Ocd is a b*tch to train.. it needs to be. Even if you start slowly. Pick a two hour time frame twice a day. Those two hours there is no symtom checking no matter what allowed. Not saying you wont feel them. You probably will im saying no emotional attatchment to them at all. And exist like that for the next month. See how that feels. Its too much strain and stress on you to exist like this it is. Its not fair to you. You really seem to like feeling good and Want to just enjoy the stuff going on in your world and you should be allowed to do that.
Your standing in your way really. I know you know this but sometimes its good to hear it.
Some good therapy and cbt and you practicing not reacting to the symptoms or anxiety is all you can do and will be enough to slowly walk thru this muck.
If i come across as not understanding what you are going thru, i do understand but i really know sometimes we make up excuses or reasons why we have to feed into anxiety and they are lies. Lies we feed ourselves to go back to the addiction if it all..or the ocd aspect. Its tought to break sych intense programmed habits. But it is possible. Slow and steady and cinsistent practices will slowly retrain your brain. Does this make sense to you? Not trying to be preachy at all..really trying to wake you because in so many posts you show so many signs that you are enjoying aspects of your life and are just really trapped in this viscious cycle. I see the happiness wanting to pop out and i want you to embrace it.
that went into moderation but im sure it will be fine and come out of it.sorry probably takes a day.
Im going to try taking my kids to the pumpkin farm today.. Apple cider, doughnuts, petting zoo, pumpkins, rides, everything.. Im a bit panicky because my HR is high so im scared that walking around will make it horrible, but ive been walking around my neighborhood with no problems lately so hopefully i can stay calm. Atleast i know ill sleep good tonight after a full day.
And the friend thing, im not exactly sure.. He has always been threatened by our friendship, i think because he wants to control her and im not allowing it to happen. Its sad but she will learn one day. I actually learned because she had me read their text messages during a fight and i happened to see my name involved through the entire thing.. They fought for like 4 hours about me. There is much more to the story but its so unbelievably ridiculous it isnt even worth typing lol!
i have same problem as you were having, i had also done tmt report,ecg reports,my chollestrol is also normal and blood test is also normal,i had anxiety before 1 year but still i am having chest pain, so what you did as you was also having this same problem i read your blog you was discussing your problem so if you can help me to get out of it kindly suggest what you did to get completly well...