As you are undoubtably aware, cocomodol is a combination of codeine and acetominophen and is widely available in either brand name or generic formulations. The formulation with the lowest amount of codeine per dose (usually 8 mg) is widely available worldwide without a prescription.
As such, it is often considered a relatively safe option for many people with mild to moderate pain.
Codeine is a member of the opiate family and while it is is considered to be less of a dependency risk than stronger opiates it is really a matter of relativity.
What is not widely known is that codeine is metabolized into morphine by your body and thus carries similar risks of tolerasnce, physical dependency and addiction.
Many people find themselves satisfied with the pain relief of this easily obtainable medication but find that their tolerance increases over time and some people will also develop habit forming behavoiur because of the percieved benefit to mood.
As the need for the dosage increases, there is also the risk of consuming too much acetominophen as a byproduct of their use.
Acetominophen overdose is the most common overdose in emergency rooms and the possibility of fatal liver damage from as litttle as 5 grams of tylenol exists.
So it is at least a double edged sword.
Enough of the lecture.
Your post is full of typical (sorry) artificial barriers that seem impossible to overcome and you are in an untenable stalemate.
This is why secrecy is so insidious.
You are not thinking clearly and you need someone with some knowledge and objectivity to help you see that your barriers are metaphoricaly a product of your addicted self trying to protect its staus quo.
First of all...don't panic or feel ashamed.
You have asked for help and now the rest is up to you (and hopefully a network of supportive loved ones and healthcare profesionals.)
It is unlikely your situation will improve without the support of others.
It is almost certainly going to become a bigger problem the longer you keep your loved ones shut out of this serious health issue that affects them all.
Addiction is a family concern and if you have a genetic predisposition to addiction (and I am not suggesting you do) then so do your kids and the sooner your children become educated about the risks, the safer they will be from falling down this same well in the future.
So, you can either let them in now and deal with the stigma or wait until it is obvious to everyone. The lies will have piled up exponentially and your chances of recovery will be worse once your dependency increases.
Which it most ceretainly will.
At this point their may not be a job to worry about losing or a family for that matter.
As a Canadian, I am not familiar with the privacy protection within the NHS but I would be shocked to learn that seeking help for a medical condition would become a limitation to you in your workplace.
We are protected in Canada from this sort of barrier to treatment but obviously make sure you understand your privacy rights.
Don't forget even doctors are as susceptible to addiction as the rest of us.
Everyone in your situation feels the same way you do.
The irony is that there are millions od physically dependant codeine users and they all feel alone, ashamed and helpless.
Which, by the way is the perfect breeding ground for developing addictive behaviour.
Do you see where I am going here?
Yes, you are in trouble.
If you try to fix this yourself you will likely fail.
No, it is not your fault
Yes, there is help and (with the support of loved ones) most people get better over time.
The shame and isolation you feel trapped in now will likely be replaced by relief, consolation, renewed trust and gratitude as your family educates itself on what you are going through and what they can expect during your recovery.
Don't kid yourself. Your family already knows there is somwthing wrong.
The anxiety of the unknown is far worse for them then to see a mom who takes responsibility, displays honesty and can model how to deal with a deadly serious issue.
I know my post won't fix you but I wish you all the best and encourage you to deal with this TODAY with your family.
I am an adiction therapist in private practice with 10 years experience as a clinician at Canada's largest addiction and mental health facility (CAMH).
My practice is full and this is not a solicitation for patients.
Good luck and feel free to ask me anything.