Constant need for excitement

Mental health
1

Hi everyone

I’m the long term partner of a man who suffers GAD. He’s had it 10 years now (diagnosed). 

I’ve realized one thing about him, he can’t stand it when life isn’t ‘exciting’.

Most of us go through their day by following a certain routine and so does he.. the problem is that he’s pretty bored of this.. his work bores him, his friends bore him, I bore him.

As a person he has always had this NEED for excitement, something new, something thrilling.. and when that lacks he gets extremely anxious/ frustrated. 

This question and the background of his ‘issue’ is hard to explain, but does this relate to anxiety or GAD. 

Does anyone else with anxiety/ GAD always feel like they NEED to be excited about something?

And if so.. why is this?

Thank you everyone

2

Hi there, I think the need for constant excitement can directly be linked to "GAD". The main thing I picked up from your post is not the word excitement. I don't think it's about that at all. I think his constant need to be doing something could stem from him feeling unfulfilled in his life and when he does exciting things, it temporarily fills that hole. But the thrill is short-lived. Hence hlm having to go on to the next thing and do something else. If he is doing something, he doesn't have to deal with his thoughts and feelings. He is not comfortable with himself or being in his own company. Maybe it is his way of coping. But at the end of the day, it's about getting the balance and of he is constantly moving as you say enviably there is a downside, and and when you crash-it hurts! It's just my opinion honey. Suggest doing something relaxing together. Goodluck. Donna xxx

3

I agree with donna, I think it's directly related. Perhaps it's a way of not only trying to feel fulfilled in life but also just a way of keeping himself distracted. Many anxiety sufferers can agree that some of the worse times is when you are just sitting at home alone with your thoughts. Maybe he likes to keep doing exciting, new things bc it distracts him from his anxiety and negative thoughts.

4

I have been with someone in the past who constantly craved excitement and they too suffered with anxiety. I believe it is a form of distraction and separation from the day to day worries of life and situations. It’s almost as if they are always trying to run away from what they have/are doing in life, towards something else but then they realise certain decisions that they make which seem ‘exciting’ were actually reckless.

5

Thanks everyone for your input.

donna23316, I think you hit the nail on the head.

Ever since I have known him, he has had this constant need for distraction. I feel like, he has this void inside and he needs to fill it with anything that provokes some sort of emotion in him. Does that make sense? We have been together many years now, and ever since I have known him he has had GAD. He was diagnosed at quite a young age. 

There was a time when he left me, even though our relationship was a good one but it had become "boring" (his words). He said he wanted to feel butterflies and those new feelings again. I tried to explain to him that those feelings don't last forever and that what we have is great because its solid. It ended up with him getting in to a relationship with a very dangerous woman and it ended up with her having detrimental effect on his mental health.

this was years ago, it was hard but we got through it. At the moment, he thinks his job is boring (he always thought so anyway), he says he wants new friends, he is sick of his surrounding, he feels empty and that he is just going through life..same job, same friends, same everything. I have told him that life will always be a routine, everything new gets old eventually and that maybe practicing some gratitude towards the life he has been given would be a different perspective. He doesn't seem to want to listen to my advice.

At the moment he is very uncomfortable with being on his own for too long, getting stuck in his thoughts. I think thats one of the main reasons he does not like his job, its quiet and doesn't fuel the fire within him so he ends up sitting at work thinking about different things. 

Thank you Philly89 and Star1711 for your input, Both your posts make a lot of sense and I recognise those behaviours in him. Star1711, did your partner ever lose the excitement of your relationship, and if so...how do you cope?

Lastly, just to be clear... What I am describing of my partners thought, feelings etc.. is that something that is "common" for an individual who suffers from GAD? Any experiences, opinions etc would be really appreciated. I am still trying to learn about this..

Thank you xx 

6

I didn't exactly have the "need excitement" feeling, but as an anxious person I did go through a phase where I needed to constantly be doing something and on the go. I couldn't just sit somewhere, I had to be busy all the time bc, as I said earlier ^, as soon as I stopped moving the anxiety and negative thoughts would show up again.

7

Yes, he would go through periods of losing excitement in the relationship. Of course the blame would always fall back on me. Like yourself I would explain that relationships go through ups and downs and the honeymoon period doesn’t last forever. In the end I just had enough and we went our separate ways. No matter what I said, it didn’t make any difference, and he didn’t want to reach out for any medical or professional help. There was only so much I could do, being quite young myself at the time, it was a lot to deal with and affected me emotionally. Since then he’s drifted from one failed relationship and job to another. It’s almost as if he’s always been chasing something and can never quite find it. As an anxiety sufferer myself, wanting to keep busy and find distractions is very common with this disorder. It’s great that you are being supportive and trying to find out more information. Does your partner take medication or partake in any therapy?

8

You didn't mention his age, but maybe this is a midlife crisis? Men go through that in their 30's and 40's.

For me it was taking up skydiving, skindiving, extreme exercise and going back to college and changing careers at 36. I survived and got over the need for thrills. Maybe your boyfriend is going through the same thing?

9

I might be similar to your boyfriend in this way. It's a need for mental stimulation, some people are happy with routine, some are not... there's nothing wrong with him in this regard per se but it might make him hard to deal with over time.

Al

10

Some people are just wired that way unfortunately. It is more of a perspective/attitude issue. Many people are like that, why do you think there are so many affairs and broken marriages? It is very common! I don't think there is a cure for it except religious beliefs that would teach someone to stifle their urges to roam from one job/partner/etc to the next and/or a societal tend that does not accept roaming (such as how it was in this country for up until the 1960s). People stifled their urges because society Dodd not condone that "adventurous spirit".

There really is no cure for that type of temperment. Either he will value what he has in you and learn to appreciate and cherish you, his friends and his life, or he will follow his impulses and his drive for "greener pastures".

But rest assured that this is very common. .. and not anxiety related. It is just the way some folks are. . And probably many more men than women!

11

I know he isn't going through a midlife crisis because he has had this exact problem for years now. There has always been some sort of drama in his life that keeps stuff interesting. Yes, some people don't like the routine of things, but my partner actually wants to get married, have the house and kids and responsibilities in the future. Thats what he wishes for, which is essentially a life with quite a lot of routine. Also, its pretty hard to constantly mentally stimulated, unless you find ways YOURSELF to be it. That means recognising that its an issue you will have to sort mainly and not depending on another person. I can't constantly be interesting..its pretty hard especially when you have been in a very long relationship and you both pretty much know everything about each other. We do go on dates still and do new things together but lately its like he isn't quite happy. There's a void in him, and as a partner I don't know how I can fix that.

 

 

 

Star1711 your response literally sounds like my partner!

I know he isn't going through a midlife crisis because he has had this exact problem for years now. There has always been some sort of drama in his life that keeps stuff interesting. Yes, some people don't like the routine of things, but my partner actually wants to get married, have the house and kids and responsibilities in the future. Thats what he wishes for, which is essentially a life with quite a lot of routine. Also, its pretty hard to constantly mentally stimulated, unless you find ways YOURSELF to be it. That means recognising that its an issue you will have to sort mainly and not depending on another person. I can't constantly be interesting..its pretty hard especially when you have been in a very long relationship and you both pretty much know everything about each other. We do go on dates still and do new things together but lately its like he isn't quite happy. There's a void in him, and as a partner I don't know how I can fix that.

Another fact that is interesting is that he actually got diagnosed because of boredom (!!) He was in a situation for months where his mind wasn't stimulated and he was left being bored. He ended up having a complete mental breakdown, and was diagnosed GAD. After this, he spent months in his bedroom to the point where he could not even cross the road without anxious emotions. 

If he did not have GAD, i know he would be an adrenaline junkie. However, because of GAD, he is afraid of: heights, small spaces, the tube, lifts, airplanes, motorways, boats, water etc etc etc so its pretty hard for him to release the adrenaline that way. He has always been hardworking, unfortunately he chose a line of work where he is sat in an office all day and not really doing much, which in itself worsens his anxiety. He is looking for new ventures, something where he can be more hands on, interactive and out there. He has a massive personality and he likes the fast life, he likes his thrills. 

He does really want to get married and have kids, he keeps saying this. However at the moment he finds our relationship dull because there are no butterflies...which I think is natural due to the many years we have had together. I am finding it hard to deal with at the moment, and not sure what I can do to make things better. Anyone with GAD  or similar experiences may be able to advise me on this? 

Thanks all again for replies x

 

12

Usually when a person has a  Constant need for excitement, it means that they lack inner contentment with themselves. They are always searching for something they think is located outside of themselves that will make them happy.

 but as long as they are restless inside, they will not ever find that contentment in the world. There are many wealthy celebrities that can buy anything in the world they want and go anywhere they want and have us much fun as they want but many of them are not internally happy .   That’s why occasionally  only you will read about some of them who become severely depressed and worse. 

 counseling would be a great idea because it gets a person to really think about themselves and what exactly they’re looking for or lacking. Anyway I hope your friend is OK and gets some support for this. Be a good listener   without judging. ❤️