I'm 19 years old and for the past couple of years I have felt afraid to be out on my own, especially at night. When I am walking down a street I feel uncomfortable with my heart races and my breathing gets heavier. I find myself very suspicious of men, for example, I feel afraid to order a takeaway if I am in my flat alone (I have two female flatmates who are usually around) because I am afraid of a man delivering the food and possibly knowing I am alone. I feel very uncomfortable about my own chest and hate wearing anything revealing unless I am drunk. I constantly check behind me when walking and I feel afraid walking past vans. I have to go on a year abroad later this year for several months to another country so I'm very afraid about how I will cope with being in a strange place walking on my own with strangers all around and at night. I constantly check several times whether all of our windows and door are closed and locked.
I can really relate. I always had the feeling that something bad was going to happen. Not exactly like rape but being in my room and suddenly somebody kicking in the door and barging in. The constantly checking of doors and windows sounds like OCD to be honest. I had the same problem. Instead I couldn't leave the house without checking 10 times if there wasn't something on fire in my room. And after I left I would sometimes walk back to check again. It was terrible because I just couldn't stop. I always had the feeling that if I didn't check, something bad would happen. Offcourse, there was never a problem.
Have you thought about seeking help? I benefited a lot from group therapy and cognitive behavorial therapy. There are also a lot of cheap books about cbt if money is an issue. It would be nice if you can actually enjoy your time abroad.
Did something happen that made you feel this way? I hope there is a part of you that knows that it's an irrational fear. Offcourse bad things do happen but it happens rarely and it should in no way take hold of your life in such a way! I really hope you decide to do something about it because there is a possibility your irrational fears won't stop by themselves.
I hope this helps somewhat
Emis Moderator comment: I have removed product/company/website names as we do not allow repeated posting of these in the forums. If users wish to exchange these details please use the Private Message service.
http://patient.uservoice.com/knowledgebase/articles/398331-private-messages
Have you had any traumatic experiences that would trigger you feeling this way? I would recommend going to talk this through with your doctor.x
Hat, sad to say your feelings are not irrational. But you can do things to empower yourself and give yourself confidence so the anxiety is not overwhelming. One is self-defense classes or taking up a martial arts. I studied karate for five years and ended up achieving a brown belt. I never participated in sports in highschol but took up Karate during univeristy when I found myself walking late at night by myself after lectures. I also walked with my hand in my bag curled around a can of hairspray. It is not illegal like mace but sprayed into the eyes of an attacker would give you those extra precious seconds to run away. Remember, EMPOWERMENT is the key word.