Crippling daily anxiety since break up.

Mental health
1

Hi everyone

Hope you are all ok today.

Myself not so much.

I've been a member of patient forum for a long time and have always found it to be helpful.

I previously used it to discuss the anti depressants I take. Venlafaxine 75mg am and 75mg pm.

My life was going well and I seemed to be making a positive turn in my journey.

I started working again full time as a support worker which I love, I began studying health and social care I started driving again and bought a car and me and my ex of 10yrs started saving for a mortgage deposit.

However last September, I made the very difficult decision to end our relationship as I found out he had been unfaithful several times with his best friends girlfriend. I loved him but it was something I couldn't get best and I felt after everything we had been through together I deserved better.

Since then my life has slowly gone down hill, I cannot focus on any aspect of my life. Work, social, college. I am anxious everyday. I cry everyday. I feel sad. I feel lonely. And the pain is getting too much.

My thoughts are mostly of fearing I will be alone forever. Fearing I cannot be a happy single woman.

I fear for my future. It sounds generic as I know all of us go through break ups and have these thoughts but now they are plaguing my life all day everyday.

They are interfering with every aspect of my life and everything I worked so hard mentally to change.

I try to tell myself how far I've come and how I deserve and will find someone who loves me but it doesn't work.

Now I keep thinking never underestimate the security you feel in a relationship...should I have ended it? is it worth feeling this way.

Well that doesn't matter anymore as he has since moved on and is dating someone else.

I myself have been seeing someone. But I cannot bare it. Dating. Knowing where I stand, all these feelings. Not feeling good enough, wondering when he will get fed up of me and end it.

As you can see my self esteem has again hit an all time low. I know deep in my heart that the right thing to do is to be on my own for now as I cannot handle dating yet. But I also enjoy the distraction he brings. The distraction from anxiety and sadness. That is until I go home and all I wonder is why hasn't he text? Why did he do that or this? The whole over analysing every detail.

So I know right now the logical thing is to be on my own.

But I'm scared. I panic when I am alone. I cannot handle my thoughts and fears it's getting too much.

I'm not really sure what I'm expecting from this.

I think just telling someone how I feel and putting it out there helps.

My nature is to bottle everything, I don't tell even my closest friend or my mum who I am close to.

I am very good at painting on a happy face. Very good. I find it difficult to talk. I feel guilty. When I say it out loud I feel stupid and pathetic.

There are so many other people going through a much more terrifying hell than me right now.

Real problems. So much going on in the world and here I am with my pathetic first world problems.

I can't help the way I feel though. I feel drowned and weighed down but these harmful feelings and thoughts and I can't see through all the fog it creates.

On the positive, I have a doctors appointment next Friday. It may mean my tablets be increased again. I had previously been decreasing them. I have no issue with this though as I found these tablets to be helpful.

The only downside was the sweating.

I guess I'm looking for a friendly shoulder. Someone who can relate. Words of kindness?

Sorry for the long post. Thank you for reading.

2

Hi Leanne,

I am sorry you are going through such a rough time with depression.

You have reason too though. You just had a breakup.

It sounds like you may need to be on your own for a while. Why is that so scary? It can be pretty fun to find yourself. Find out who you are on your own.

It sounds to me that you have a lot going for you right now. Congrats on that.

You have lots of shoulders here to lean on.

Take care.

3

Thank you so much for your response.

It made me cry. A good cry though.

It's nice to know there is somewhere to turn and someone to listen.

It means the world to me.

I am 31. Since the age of 20 I've been in a relationship.

I'm not really sure what it means to be on my own.

I often hear and I'm told this is a good time to enjoy myself find myself but I don't really know what that means.

Perhaps I just need to give myself time to adjust.

I have a constant knot in my stomach. That feeling of fear. Fear of loneliness.

Fear of losing everything I worked so hard to get back after my first and last episode of depression.

It took along time to get where I am and I don't want to go back to how I was but my emotions take over.

I am by nature a very emotional person. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I worry constantly about others my family and friends, I get hurt easily offended easily.

I have been told many a time i need to grow a thick skin, learn to say no, not be so nice.

Easier said than done. I've never been a strong person. I look to women who I see as strong and am so inspired and I wonder how I can be like that.

How can I ignore these emotions. How can I be happy on my own by myself.

4

Hi Leanne, I think that you are a lot stronger than you realise, you have got yourself out of a relationship that you knew you couldn't carry on with, that in itself is an achievement and shows that you are worth more than being lied and cheated on. You have started to see someone else which proves that you are attractive and interesting to someone else, enjoy the time you spend with him, don't stop yourself from socialising,it's good to get out and about with other people,the way you are feeling is just as important as how anyone else feels,your feelings are real and are a problem to you and can feel just as bad as someone with "real problems" you are not going to be on your own forever, your only young, don't worry so much you won't be left on the shelf, your just going through a bad patch,and just as sure as the sun will shine, you will get better and you will be all the stronger for it,there are loads of people on here that can empathise with you,we all know exactly how your feeling and are always here if you need a chat, you have achieved so much you should be proud of yourself, when you feel like your anxious or on a downer,force yourself to do something different,even if it's just a walk to the shop do it to stop yourself from overthinking, you'll be surprised what a little distraction can do, I hope you start to feel a little better soon,and feel free to message me anytime I will always give you a reply 😊😊