Dealing with grief using alcohol.

General health and lifestyle
1

Hello everyone! I’m new on here and I apologize if this is very long winded. 

I’ll start from the top.

As a teenager I drank very occasionally, sometimes a semi-mild binge night and sometimes just a little bit. Up until I hit about 22 not much changed. At 22 I would go out to the local clubs once a week to every other week and I would have probably 6-8 whiskey cokes.

At 24 things started to get fairly bad but I was still a functional person. I would split a 5th to a half gallon of vodca between 3 people probably at least 3-4 nights per week. I always rebounded quickly and was able to work. 

July of 2016 I attempted to leave my partner of 6 years. I felt that if I left I would be able to easily stop drinking. The relationship had also deteriorated pretty considerably and I had developed feelings for someone else, something I feel very horrible about. 

In October of 2016 he committed suicide and I was the one who found him. I was devastated, overcome with crippling guilt, depressed and utterly lost. 

Since then my life has completely fallen apart. I wasted all the life inshurance money partying and drinking myself stupid. Woke up wile on vacation in Canada with a guy in my bed that I hardly remembered from the night before. 

I attempted to stop drinking multiple times but I guess the alcoholism monster has gotten me. The person I’m with now also drinks just as heavily as he knew my partner and also feels guilt for his suicide. 

Me and him moved to Arizona this last September to get away from all the people who knew our story in an attempt to start over and stop drinking. It worked for a while but problems have a way of catching up to you and now we are worse then ever. I am now 26 and he is 21. Neither of us can seem to hold down a job to save our lives and we are both totally broke. I really don’t know what to do anymore or how to get help. I am terrified this is going to kill one or both of us or land us in prison. 

I am also really worried because after the last couple binges I am not bouncing back and it’s been about 5 days since I’ve had anything to drink other than half of a half pint tonight. I literally feel like I’m dying and can hardly get out of bed. My abdomen hurts and my liver feels tender. I also seem to be having really pale bm’s and the ends of my toes are numb. I don’t know if this is something that would be normal after a really excessive several day long binge or if I should be worried about my liver. Or maybe detox symptoms? 

I mean I have only been drinking really excessively for about 2 years and having mild to moderate binges 2-3 times a month for 2 years before that. Is it even possible for me to have wrecked my liver at 26 from 4 years of drinking more than I should? 

Thanks to anyone who bothered to read all that. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. 

2

Hi Lancealot7, sounds like you have a pants time of late and two of you trying to go through the stages of cutting down/quitting together will go one of two ways. Did you know your new partner before he had a drinking problem? If not, this could prove to be difficult. You have passed any danger stages of detox, 5 Days with only a pint is a call for congratulations, that is one of the biggest hurdles. Those aches and pains are normal, you could well have had them all along, the booze can hide your bodies signs of bodily damage. You say you moved to get away from People so you could stop Drinking, there must be more to it? If not, perhaps you need to open up and get help to deal with you grief otherwise you are going to spend the rest of your life running from yourself, and that's impossible. What is your social network like where you are at the moment? What kind of support do you have around you? There is no reason why Tomorrow can't be the start of a new life, you have to think about what you want to do or get from life so that you and perhaps your Partner have something positive to aim for. You did a great thing coming on here and wrote a great statement, there are plenty of People with great ideas to help you keep off the Drink and deal with situations. Your Liver is stronger than you think, it will repair itself in Time. It's rare for someone to recognise and tackle a problem at 26, again, more power to your Elbow. I hope you start to feel better soon and I would love to answer any questions you may have. Welcome AL

3

I just have a lot of pain in my liver and it takes a lot of water to keep me hydrated to not have urine that’s almost Orange. But I still sweat considerably more than I ever have before when I sleep and I sleep at odd times I’m facing legal ittues and I really want to get back home because I have no in person support here besides my partner. I might just go and get in rehab then face the legal issues after I get some help later on. I’m afraid of getting beaten or raped in jail though and I also fear that would be a major setback. Me and my partner both didn’t have this problem before this all happened. 

4

We had about 2 and a half pints each tonight though. I’m asking for alcohol treatment in lieu of jail time. The us is not very helpful to get help I’m finding. 

5

With the amount you are saying that you are Drinking would not normally be enough to cause that amount of Damage, perhaps get a Liver Function Test. But if it's Alcohol and your Urine is dark the at least it shows it's still working Always keep a bottle of water/squash with you and take a sip when ever you can (Don't go necking Pints of water can cause swelling in the Brain). How did you feel after drinking 2.5 Pints? Think about that for just a moment, then let it go, that is information is pointless to carry with us, especially now we have decided to Fill our heads with stuff we like   If you were to go to a Doctor Right now, they would probably put you on Thiamine, Strong Vitamin B Compound and Sanatogen. You and your partner should be able to pick these up from your local Pharmacy at a very Reasonable Price. What is your Diet like otherwise? not sure how the Law works over there, but I'm sure you don't want to spend the rest of your Lives shi77ing yourselves every time a Copper Pulls you over, you getting help off your own back shows great character and integrity, a sure plus for you two. Your 2.5 pints, was it Larger/Cider/Whiskey/Vodka? 

6

Lancealot, I don't know where you're from, but in the UK it's very often even more difficult. You might look into The Sinclair Method, it would be fairly easy to get that treatment in Arizona, but you would likely have to get some liver tests. It involves taking Naltrexone before you drink and Naltrexone is taxing on the liver as well, but not nearly as much as alcohol is. In any case, it would be up to the prescribing doctor. The success rate of the treatment is about 80%, so whether you go to rehab then consider The Sinclair Method later down the road or find a doctor that will prescribe it for you now, it could be a very good option to help you gain control over your drinking. Some do start it after being abstinent for awhile and it seems to work well that way too. 

You can read more about it on this page, under The Sinclair Method:

http://patient.info/forums/discuss/useful-resources-487627

The numbness in your toes will be helped by thiamine (vitamin B1), as Pistal says (looks like he has some other good suggestions for you too). The trick is going to be staying away from the booze for a fair time so your liver has a chance to recover. Acamprosate is another medication that kills your drinking triggers, but it takes a couple of weeks to kick in. From what I understand, it doesn't have much of any impact on the liver, so if you can hold out for a couple of weeks after starting the medication it might be the way to go. 

As you live in Arizona, you can make a telemedicine appointment with MDProactive, they're rather inexpensive.