Depressed and overdose

Mental health
1

Hi,

I don’t know what to do anymore no one seems to understand me and I have just taken an overdose and regret it and tried to make myself sick but it didn’t work, I am already in a psychiatric hospital for 4 weeks and they constantly wash over any discussions I have with them and talk to my wife on the phone and make decisions about me that I don’t seem to have a say in.

So long story and try to cut short. 

I injured my spine in 2010, at first I thought I pulled a muscle but after 10 days I decided to go to A&E as I couldn’t stand properly and was losing sensation in my right leg and foot. They did some tests and a MRI. The MRI came back that there was nothing they could see in the scan but the other tests showed I lost sensation on my right side, and no anal tone when they check my back passage to see if I could clench. The decided that they would treat me with medication but also do a number of injections, facet joints, epidurals, catermine infusion. This went on for a few years but I was still in pain and eventually I looked for a second opinion. I paid to go private,  I was seen in a week and they arranged a new MRI this was January 2013 and got my MRI from 2010, the surgeon looked at the scans and realised the 2010 one was misdiagnosed. I had prolapsed discs at L3,4,5 and S1, the 2013 scan shows the same but the discs above were now bulging. He was kind enough to put me back on the NHS as he worked at the same hospital and he took me in to surgery the next day, at first he did multiple discectomys, so shaving the discs. He noted I had severe nerve compression where they had been pinched for 3 years he tried to release them but they were to badly damaged. I came round and although I felt a lot of pain went from my back I got really bad nerve pain in my legs. The surgeon explained what he found and what he did and said it would be about 12 weeks to recover and he hoped the nerves might get some sensation and the shooting pains might slow down once the swelling stopped. 

Sadly after about 6-8 weeks all my pain came pack with vengeance. I had bad pain, I went straight to the hospital and was given a new MRI and it showed the discs had gone and the ones above, so I have rods, screws and cages in from L1 to S1. But they damaged my nerve to my bladder, and that controls sexual function. So I have to self catheterise to go for a wee and I am unable to get an erections.

In 2014 I had to stop working as I couldn’t sit or stand for more than 20-30 mins without being in pain. They have had issues to get my pain under control. So jumping forward to 8 weeks ago.

I started getting voices, night terrors, and visions of a person standing over me, always the same person and voice, I don’t know the voice, but as the pain has been so bad. It was telling me to take my life, so I did 5 weeks ago.  I was treated to a mass overdose and then taken to a psychiatric hospital in Chertsey. They started treating me but I have been saving my meds when I can as the dr are rally nasty and laugh at me when I tell them about my voices and the nursing staff just ignor me when I try and talk. So today has been a low point for me as I had a MDT and they said I can go home Monday but they didn’t care I still have voices in my head and I said to them I feel really low and they just said send they will send me home.  So I stupidly took a mass overdose. Other people smuggled drugs in and I have taken a big OD of codine, paracetom, larazopam, anti psychotic drugs, cannabis. I now am regretting it, I’ve tried to be sick but nothing comes up, my HR is 220bpm. The voices have got worse. I tried to tell the staff but they said they can’t do anything, I’m now in my bed the rooms spinning I am falling on and out of sleep, I keep retching, my HEart feels like it’s pumping out my chest. 

I know I have done wrong but the staff won’t help me, and they won’t let me go out to A&E or call me a ambulance I don’t know what to do. 

2

I am confused that you are in hospital to help you deal with mental health issues but you have taken an overdose, is that correct and you still have your phone with you.

Where did you get the drugs from and what have you taken and how many.

3

Hi

I know this all sounds strange and stupid I know.

Yes I am in a psychiatric hospital that is meant to be helping me mentally and to come to terms with the the issues of my back, and losing my bladder and sexual function, it’s in the hospital grounds but totally different to the main hospital. Every time they give meds you have to go to a hatch and they give you the meds, I have been tipping them in my pockets and saving them, I don’t want to live anymore but I am under section so can’t go out, I’m 39 and don’t have any support, before all this my life was work work work. 

I can’t explain how I am feeling inside, I feel like everything I have lived and worked for was taken from me. I’m in pain 24/7 and after 8 years and them struggling to get my pain controlled I just don’t want to live I. This much pain.

So yes I saved some of the drugs they gave me and they should be checking I took them, but people bring in codine, naproxen, cannabis, heroin  and morphine based meds come in large quantities, basically what ever you want you can get, I haven’t taken heroin or other meds that are illegal but took 50 cocodolmol, 20 briefness , 200mg morphine and 100mg diazapam. I know I do wrong when I took it, I am trying to get help ( yes I probably did it as I am crying for attention, 70% of me wants to die slowly but then 30% knows I have done wrong. ) I keep drifting in and out of sleep the nursing staff picked me up and put me in my bed and they left me here on my own. I keep buzzing but no one comes. 

Yes I know I am stupid stupid stupid, then I cry for help but I don’t know what to do as no one wants to help even though I told them.

I know I have a mental health issue but I don’t get help I just get sectioned and they ignor my cry for help they just make sure your don’t have knives on you.

Aghhhh I want help but I askednto go to A&E but am told I can’t leave 

4

Hi hope this post finds you OK? I can't understand why when you first went in why they didn't give you meds to help with the voices you hear as that seem to be the driving force behind your actions. Also, who is the enabler who gave you the drugs-not a good thing to do for someone as vulnerable as yourself who feels as you do. As I say, I really hope you're OK xxx

5

Hi Donna,

I feel terrible, I am trying to be sick but I have nothing coming up, the room is spinning, my HR goes from 55 bpm to 220 bpm and I am laying down, I feel hot, cold, sweats, nautious, and the voices won’t go away. The day staff have all gone home and I have told the night nurse but she said I look ok and just lay down and go to sleep. As I said patients are bringing  in so many different types of meds, I have had some cannabis but not heroine or crack. The staff search people when they come in but only pockets and bags so the people that bring it in know how to get it past nursing desk. I am on some anti psychotic meds that’s meant to help the voices but I have told them if anything it’s made it worse. I have just beeen sick but what I took is now in my system and I have brought up loads of blood.  I told the nursing staff and the HCA and left it for them to see but they just went ok that’s fresh blood keep drinking fluids 

I just want to shut my eyes and not wake up

6

Buggsy

Some what you mentions does not match with what happens in my area, medications generally need to be taken in view of a Mental Health Nurse.

Looking at the medications you have taken will eventually wear of, the problem is a further more serious effect may appear within a further twenty four hours and this may become more serious. Given that the need for you to talk with your duty nurse needs to be done straight away. If you have a Mobile Phone phone your family and explain what you have done. Ask them to contact the Ward Sister and explain what you have done.

You also need to get urgent attention, if the ward will not help contact the emergency number, 999 and explain your overdose. If you need further advice and you are not at immediate risk call NHS Information Line and contact tel No 111 and explain what you have done

7

Buggsy, you cannot use the excuse "I have mental problems" for your demons and expect it to get better. You must consciously make an effort to rid your life of those demons. I attempted to overdose and in return I no longer have the neurological ability to lift my right foot up, a result that was hard to overcome but certainly doable. Please do not take anymore medication and try to sleep. By the time you wake up chances are you will feel better. If your intuition tells you that you will not be okay because of the medication, do whatever means necessary to receive help from the hospital staff or EMS. Please do not take anything else as I do not want to see you end up like me.

8

Thanks I have spoken to the night nurse and they have taken my sats and taken it serious and have a HCA taking me to A&E.

You at correct they are meant to watch you take the meds, but I worked out how to slip it in to my pocket on my tshirt when they turn there back for a split second, so saved 4 days of meds. I have been honest with the night team and given them a rough idea of what I have taken.

I know I have done wrong and need help that’s why I am in the psychiatric hospital, unfortunately I still feel so low and vulnerable that I don’t want to live, but my call for help on here I guess I do need help and am asking for it in anyway. 

Thank you to everyone for your words I hope this is a wake up call I need, I just feel so low I don’t know what to do anymore.

9

Hope you are feeling better?

10

Hi Donna,

Thanks for thinking about me.

I saw the duty dr about 20 mins ago, I have been sick 7 times, and the blood has got worse each time. I have now been transferred to the hospital medics as I am dehydrated so will give me fluids via IV line, and run a full blood count. So will get those results in a few hours. I have a really high BP 193/105 ( or she said that’s high I can’t remember what is the norm ) so they have me hooked up to a machine as my HR is only 58  resting so they seem very concerned.

I wish I felt different and somehow need to break the cycle of pain = OD or alcohol to make me forget. I know I am the only one that can stop me doing what I have done and I hope sooner rather than later I can get a normal life back on track.😔.

Again thanks for your kindness I have become such a recluse over the last 8 years that I have no one to turn to in my normal life. 

11

Hi, in this area and I’m sure all over the UK they are meant to give your meds and they watch you take them, but I can put them in my pocket in a split seconds they haven’t realised. 

My wife hasn’t been to see me and won’t take my calls as she is angry with me, she is no only family I have. I have no brother / sisters and both parents are dead, so it’s only me fighting my corner. I am not using this as an excuse as I deserve what I get really. As I said the support here has been a little lax really, most of the staff play table tennis and want to spend as little time getting to know the patients, and being on a all male ward I keep myself to myself  it it’s very testosterone led they all want to fight each other for top dog. 

What’s done is done I believe you don’t look back only forward and I just sadly can’t see over the hedge but feel my life is on repeat and I dont want to find any more excuses 

12

Hey Buggsy, I for one, don't think you are making excuses. What the hell has the word "excuse" got to do with it!? It doesn't come into it! That is suggesting you you are making up the reason why you took an overdose. Its obviously due to mental health problems and just as James couldn't fight his demons successfully nor could you at the time. I think if you had the proper help, you would feel better in yourself and it shouldn't come to this. James is right about one thing though-don't take anymore tablets honey. Donna xxx

13

I'm so sorry you feel so sad xxx message me anytime this way or privately if you'd prefer. I will always reply xxx Donna x

14

Thanks Donna I have PM you. ☺️