Thanks all for your replies...
It's probably 'the' most difficult thing I've had to face being honest. I know to some people it may trivial but it's having a real negative impact on my life in lots of ways. I feel like I need a live-in psychiatrist some days.
The worst thing about it is that some nights I'll wake up with nothing hugely worrying on my mind. I'll pop to the bathroom very sleepy then bam! - the thought of not going back to sleep hits me, then my stomach starts churning. Then I'm so awake I cannot get back to sleep.
I then get up (like this morning) and sit downstairs pondering what the hell to do and who to talk to and some crazy hour. It's so depressing.
I've been on 10mg citalopram for over 3 weeks but need to up it to 20mg I think. May be even higher. I've been taking some 15mg Mirtazapine before bed too and they help unless I'm really stressing in the night.
I thought I'd got over this a few months ago. I seemed to have a 4-5 month better stretch when I was on fluoxetine and amitriptyline then I changed meds.
I'm not changing again though, I'm pretty confident citalopram is the best for anxiety longer-term and Holly your story gives me some confidence.
I pretty much know why it's happening. Since childhood I seem to move from one 'issue' to the next that gives me great difficulty - ordinary situations that I dwell upon 24/7 l- ike presenting to groups (something which when I'm over the initial few minutes I enjoy doing) but for years they would keep me awake at night. Now it's a fear of a lack of sleep. I have to say for a 38 year old man I feel quite pathetic but it's something that was ingrained in me and still is but I'm trying to break it down.
I have some underlying depression and anxiety, but these are so much milder when I sleep, it's like I morph back into my old self again and am 100 mph at work, exercising and doing normal things.
I somehow need to convince my sub-conscious that I don't need to keep feeding these problems that I've dealt with all my life. It's almost as if I have to find another problem to replace the old one and it's ruining my life. Can anyone identify with that? Does citalopram help with negative thoughts like this? God I hope so.
In the last 12 months I've been to an anxiety workshop, mindfulness group and am currently using a daily meditation app called Headspace. All of these have helped but when I wake up in the night (like last night) I can't seem to stop the juggernaught - the terrible habit.
12 months ago I would sleep quite well 80% of the time and had nothing like this around my neck.
Anyway my plan over the next few weeks is to:
- Stick with 20mg citalopram
- Meditate daily for 20 mins
- Try and relax as much as possible
Any other suggestions welcome!