Don't know what to do with life and career

Mental health
1

Hello guys, I'm 20yo, I have a full scholarship in medicine, I already have 2 years studying, Im 4 years away from graduate. The thing is that from the last year I realised this is not something I want to do with my life, Im sciency, I like the topics as much I woul like topics about physics or any other science topic, But a career is not about only liking the topics, I cant say I like a whole woman if I only like his ass. I told my mom (Because my dad is completely dettached in all the emotional, social and psychological spectrum) about that, she said:

- Only when you finish medicine you can do whatever you want.

I have already other issues in my life and I dont want my career being part of them, I cant get a part time job, first because of the exigences of my career, second because is a requeriment for my scholarship to not work.

My performance is been going down in a freefall, although I have a 3.48 GPA, I don't feel I'm doing what I should be supposed to do. I'm thinking about failing in all the subjects of my next period, so I'll lose my scholarship and my stupid mom wont make me going to medicine because it's too expensive for she, being the only support in my house and being just a teacher in a 3rd world country.

I got my fears and doubts about this because is kinda drastic, and I'm afraid that could cause me damage in future scholarships options.

But is that I feel my creative potential is going to waste. I used to read a lot, to draw, to make comics, stories, I make poetry, I've won contests in ortography and essays, I would like to have a dynamic job using creativity, Im thinking about mixing it all together and learn to make "thoughtfull animations" or something like that, But always I think about this I get sad because I also think is too dumb and is some of the worst ideas Ive ever had, I dont think I could make a living of this.

But I feel dehumanized, a mechanical walking receptor and repeater of book contents, Im sleep deprived, I have neglected my body (I dont know is thats the right expression), I'm gaining wight, Im feeling tired, I stopped exercising because Im so down that every movements feels too heavy and in that moment I feel the urge to cry.

I'm crying more than ever the last days. I feel stuck. Hope you can help giving me ideas.

2

Hi Beta.To start I hope it all works out for you.You sound like a thoughtful creative young person.I don't know if anything I can say will help,but maybe it will.Sorry in advance if it doesn't.I would say do you maybe have a counsoler at your school you can talk to about your options to change to something that you like to do,how it would affect your scholarship, could you take a semster off to sort everything out without losing your scholarship if you choose to still stay in medicine,etc.Most schools have guidance counsolers you can talk to or maybe a teacher or dean you would feel comfortable telling this to.Do you have any older friends who have become doctors who may have gone thru this on their way to becoming a doctor,who can give you some advice on this?I live in the US so it's easier to change what you want to do in college although you would still probably lose your scholarship since it is for medicine only,i'm guessing.Don't feel bad about not wanting to be what others want,your still young and you are going to be realizing you may like other things than you originally thought.Just take some time to make sure you really do want to do something else instead of being a doctor and are not just going thru a time when your a little "burned out" or overwhelmed by everything your doing right now.I would pray about it,but I don't know your feelings on God,but I talk to Him alot about my problems.If you do go to some kind of group religion maybe there is a leader or person that you could talk to.A close friend could be someone who might be ble to listen to you and give you some support and advice.Again remember your young so you do have some options although if you live in a third world country(I'm going by the fact you said your mom teaches in a thrid world country) they may be limited I don't know.But what you really need to do right now is talk to someone you trust to listen and give you some good advice.I hope this helped and I will pray for you.And again I don't know what your thought is about God,but just talk to Him and that small voice inside that is Him may give you the best advice of all.God Bless You,Bob

3

Your career is very important and coming from a person that here because he got laid after 30 years of devotion, suck it up and graduate. You can always get more creative in your work and off work. Buckle down and don't lose your scholarship. Your parents have given you so much. You owe it to yourself to finish what you started. Trust Me! You will so fortunate if you can do this and you can.  I wish I were you.

4

Actually i say this from experience. My daughter is a doctor now doing her post grad. When she was doing medical studies she used to tellme that she was fed up and felt like shecwas wasting her life buried in medical books. But even then she made sure she finished her course. I know its tough but since you have a scholarship and you have already done 2 years in medicine i think it would be a waste if you discontinued. Four years will pass by quickly. Once you have that degree under your belt you can try other things that you want to do.

5

Everything has both good points and bad. Once you get into it only you will realise it. Like now you know about the trials and travails of becoming a doctor.

6

Im just finishing nursing school this month..

I did economics studies when i was you age... i see how doctors save peoples life..i think its the most noble and hard job...stick to it if u can, wait till u get on touch with patients and see how much difference u make in their life..medicine its not boring...every day its a challange...some people die, some.live..i dont think there is another job more serious than this one...finish it, if u wont like it, u will have time to do what u like.... u are very young and your might give up at something really big...goodluck, doctor!

7

Hi BetaOxidative - this is from an old dude. When I was in college I wanted to go on in Uni and study but my well-off parents wouldn't let me. I often wished I had done something - anything to have achieved that goal. I, too, am very creative and have accomplished many varied projects in life, but found that it was hard to climb the ladder (I did theatre (so bitchy), writing (lonely), arts and crafts (the most rewarding), and some producing (expensive.) I often thought I would have been more stable had I something to lean back on - like a degree. Can I suggest (I know - boring!) that you slog through the next four years and get that degree. Might I also suggest that you keep a diary, note inside it your daily routine and anything - no matter how slight or mundane - that happens to you, the people around you, the shape of the clouds - anything that takes your fancy. This diary will be wealth of information later on, there could be a seed of inspiration in there that you can turn into a storyline, create a character, a comic layout, a comic routine - anything that you can use your creative talents to bring to the world. Imagine how many grad students are feeling the way you are? Millions of themall over the world. Uncertain, tired, chained. You could be onto an untapped market there. Then, when you have finally graduated, you can dive into that creative process, give it everything for as long as it takes, and IF it doesn't work, you have that degree to fall back on. Best of luck whatever you decide, I hope you find what makes you happy and fulfilled.