Two months later
I've been taking Cit for 2 months now. I started taking 20mg three days after my wife said our marriage was at an end. I've been married before and suffered from terrible anxiety after the breakdown of my first marriage. I also suffered from bouts of depression but was too macho to seek help for my problems. So I suffered for almost 2 and a half years.
I'm just 50 years old and I thought to myself there is no way I'm going to suffer for another couple of years. God only knows how long I've got left and I want to enjoy myself.
So I went to the doctors a broken man and asked for his help. He prescribed me 20mg of Citalopram taken in the evening. Let me tell you the first 2-3 weeks were truly horrible. Night time sweats, lack of sleep, dry month, lack of concentration, forgetfulness and a really strange feeling in my head. The worst was to come. Bouts of deep depression, feeling suicidal and one very worrying panic attack at work. I'd taken Ziban to stop smoking ten years earlier and these side effects were remarkably similar.
I seriously considered stopping taking these tablets because they seemed to be making me worse. Good job I looked on the internet and it seems that nearly everyone on the forums has a similar experience when they start taking these drugs.
Anyway, after a couple of weeks I started to have good days. The bad days didn't seem so bad. The side effects gradually started to go away - with one exception - yawning. More about that in a bit.
I think the doctor was worried about my state of mind so asked me to go in again after a month. We discussed the dosage and he decided to increase it to 30mg.
Day by day things have got better. I'm now at week 9 and the good days far outnumber the low spells. Most of the time I feel happy, able to get on with my new single life and make plans for the future. Don't get me wrong, the problems are still there and every day I feel some sort of pain when I think about my wife and children. However, I'm not anxious or depressed. I can sing, laugh, socialise and generally get on with my life.
Cit has been a godsend for me but it's only a crutch. I know I've got a long way to go and there will still be many ups and downs ahead. I'm also mindful that I'm very fragile at the moment but at least I'm getting through it. I guess the passage of time helps as well.
My only real negative comment is about the yawning. It seems I constantly yawn even after 9 weeks. It's embarrasing sometimes when I yawn in meetings but hey what a small price to pay for staying sane.