2 years ago, i had a nerve-saving Da Vinci prostectomy. today, i simply cannot get an erection. i am depressed. i feel inadequate. MY wife never even asks me for sex. Maybe she is glad because she is not interested in sex anymore (we are both 66) and she likely knows i can't perform. i think with her help, i might be able to get an erection, but I just cannot bring myself to talk about this. I dont want to obsess about this. I am happy the cancer is gone. i still have a desire for sex. I struggle with these feelings. i know life is more than sex, but would like to try. it's been 2 years . lost.
Gene,
I know what you are going through. I went through the same thing after radiation for my prostate cancer. This is, unfortunately, a common side effect of any procedure to cure the cancer, even if it is advertised as "nerve sparing". You should ask your doctor for viagra or cialis. Viagra is called sildenafil and is available in generic for very low cost. Might be worth a try. There is also a psychological component to all of this. You are concerned about not being able to have an erection, and that anxiety causes you to not have an erection - so this goes in a circle.
At least your prostate is gone. Mine was left in place then I went through five years of BPH torment as my prostate began to cut off my urine flow, and the radiation has made my bladder hyper sensitive, so I feel like I have to pee all the time. Very irritating and it is ruining my sleep. At least you will never have to go through the horrible symptoms of urine retention due to prostate blockage.
Of course, you might have or had some incontinence issues.
Tom
Having had PS dealt with using hormone treatment and RT I can understand some of what you are going through.
There is of course far more more to good sexual relationships than PIV so not being able to get a good erection should not be the be all and all of intimacy with a partner. You need to build loving and trust and the pleasure of being close and sharing. It may take time but if you both make the effort it can be done but I suggest that you need to take the lead and go back to courting her and making her feel that she is special. You are the man so you need to bear this in mind and not expect her to wear the trousers! Hope this might help. Cheers, Richard
I had a radical (old fashioned) prostatectomy 23 years ago. That was after a TURP and several cystectomies and painful rectal scan. Then 6 years later it all started to go wrong and I had to endure 37 doses of RT. All very debilitating. I have been left with a weak bladder and a lot of internal damage that causes regular flare ups of bladder and urinary tract. Yes the ability to have intercourse went but that was not the end of the line. One can have a very pleasant sex life without having intercourse. My wife was a star. I am now into my 80s and nature has taken over and the urge is faint. Watching sexy films has the Mary Whitehouse effect on me now. Just as well as my lovely wife was taken into care two years ago with Alzheimer's. I looked after her at home for 10 years before I couldn't cope. There are much more important things in life than sex. Companionship is worth a million times more. Losing ones sex drive and ability is nothing compared to the loss of a lifetime loving companion. Make the most of your relationship with your wife as she sounds a very caring and sympathetic lady. (If I have not spelt some words correctly please accept my apologies)
A couple of things come to mind:
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See a GP that specialises in men's sexual health. Such chaps are focused on the physical and mental needs of those who have gone through what you've gone through;
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Cialis works if you take it daily even if you don't have sex. The downside is that it's expensive;
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have you had your testosterone checked since the treatment? Has it returned to anywhere near its pre treatment level? If not, then see an endocrinologist to discuss.
Worth bearing in mind that if you have had treatment for prostate cancer you may be able to get Cialis etc for free. I find that Levitra works usefully for me and have it prescribed by my GP also had a pump prescribed.
As my treatment involved knocking down my testosterone to as low as possible so increasing it was not advised though I did ask. Cheers, Richard
Got my ......tomies mixed up. The word is Cystoscopy. Still got my bladder. Sorry!
- Free meds depend on jurisdiction, I am in Australia and alas they are not free;
- You're right about testosterone. I too had it fall. You should not, by any means, help it rise again. It should do this on its own.
- Regular use of a pump needs motivation. I am motivated to take cialis but not so for the expensive pump I purchased.
Yes, you have my sympathy and I understand your feelings. I started having erection problems aged about 50 and they discovered my testosterone was low. I now have injections to help that but still don't manage enough for intercourse. I haven't had intercourse for over 20 years, but as someone wrote, you can still be physically and emotionally close with your partner. I also had rt for prostate cancer recently but don't know if that added to the non erections. At age 73 I don't really care anyway and I suppose age is also contributing. Low testosterone, radiotherapy and age - it seems to be the way it is now. I hope you get the support you are looking for.
As I understand it, every therapy for prostate cancer destroys erection ability. Surgery reveals ED sooner than RT. And if you have >1 treatment, then the chance of ED being bad is increased. Most often cialis or levitra should help, especially if taken regularly, even if you don't have sex regularly.
Thanks. I shall have a chat with my new Dr who seems ok. I've read that some things work if you take them before you plan to have sex, but if there is something which works at any time without the 'I intend to have sex in 3 hours' notice, then ... It would be good to function properly again and not just think of how it was in my younger days. My rt was 60 Gy in 20 fractions last January.
Good luck. Let me know what you find out.
I I had my prostate removed in 2016 and I am not able to get a natural erection the pills don't seem to work but I am able to get an erection through penile injection it works in over 90% of males after the operation. these are the medical facts but of course speaking with your wife and opening up to her and explaining to her that you would like to try this is a different story. maybe get some outside help if you can't talk to her but if you can and she is willing to help you you can have a satisfying sex life. it will be very different but satisfying and can be very loving.
It's been a few years now since I had my R.P., and for the first couple of years I was afraid I would never be able to get an erection again. I'm lucky that I am able to get Cialis or Viagra on my drug plan, but just taking one before any kind of intimate encounter with my wife did absolutely nothing. On the advice of my doctor, I started taking it for 2 or 3 days in a row while giving myself a little extra attention in the shower, and I am starting to see some positive results. I'm not sure if I could have penetration at this point but to see myself returning to nearly the size I was is very encouraging. I'm 65 and not ready to give up yet.
Never give up! I had RT and hormone treatment for PS in 2016 with excellent results and find that erections are possible with one 10 mg tablet of Levitra. I'm almost 78 and very fit and active and on several dating sites so intend keeping positive! Thankful that PC did not get me. Keep it UP everyone. Cheers, Richard
You're not lost, you're alive & probably havn't encountered much physical discomfort. I too, have survived prostate cancer, homone & radiation treatment for stage 1 agressive cancer, 2 years after diagnosis. A year ago I thought best part of my life is over, probably so. Then developed radiation proctitis, took six months to live through & recover from that bastard.
Now I'm fine, 5% of former bedroom ability but I don't give a dang. I'm eating, drinking, smoking cigarettes & checking out younger women, just looking of course. Women in my life from yesteryear are either dead or not interested in banging anyway. I can still jerk off, not like when younger but all's not lost. Adjust and accept what's left; not so bad.
I am glad to hear you're checking out younger women. Most guys confuse sexual performance (ability) with sexual interest. And most guys suffer deflation in both spheres. good to see that your interest has returned. And good that you have a positive attitude.
Regards,
Barney Gleason 9 post surgery, RT, ADT etc with a similar experience and outlook to yours.
Well now I'm 78 looking for a new partner and had hormone treatment and RT for prostate cancer nearly four years ago which so far has done the job! Very low testosterone. I find that for me Levitra works reasonably well but tends to give me a bit of heartburn but got tablets if it is a problem! Got a pump but don't often use it as it is a bit of a faff. Cheers, Richard
interesting you say you don't use a pump. I am 51 and had RT, ADT etc. used levitra and bought a pump, but after a couple of months or 1-2x a week of use, I ditched the pump and rely on cialis or levitra.
How is your testosterone now compared to pre-treatment?
Agree. It is very useful to speak to a psychologist or a GP who focuses on male sexual problems to help when preparing to speak to the wife.