feel like I'm not only ruining my own life but my kids too! Hate my life and way I feel everyday which is fine! I don't care about me anyway but I do care about my babies and want more for them but I don't know what to do for the best? I Try my best to hide way I am from them but maybe I'm not doing enough? Any advice PLEASE? x
Dear Dondons,
As we go through different stages of our-lives, sometimes we think we are burdening our loved ones or our own children especially when we are not functioning well. I understand that where you coming from I am myself mother and exactly see your point but, please don't concentrate negative side as I am sure as mother you always want what it's the best for your children. Please try to acknowledge yourself first whether its depression, emotional or physical pain then concentrate how you could get help in either way sometimes it's not necessary to see especialist but a good listener friend or family member may sufficiently helpful . Those feelings that you might not fulfil your children needs I think it's broadly natural feeling and concern. I wish you all the best in your life and your babies.
Thank you for your reply but honestly? I think I've concentrated on myself for far too Long and maybe that's the problem ? But I'm not sure I know how best to guide/help my children anymore, feel I'm ruining not only my life but theirs too and i really don't want that xx
Hi,
I know exactly where you're coming from. I'm a single mum to three boys and have suffered with depression, intense anxiety, low self esteem etc etc for as long as I can even remember now! (I'm 33). I'm also at the point where I'm thinking my kids would be better off without this no hope of a mother. I try and try and TRY every day but I can't seem to make things better. I feel like I've failed them by not being this super successful mum who defeats all the odds stacked against her in order to provide a better life for her children. Yeah, that just hasn't happened. On the outside, I don't seem like there's much of a problem but I find it a struggle to string a sentence together sometimes. I avoid people cos I hate myself so much. This, I know, is bad for my kids well being. I feel totally isolated and can't seem to break the cycle. Sorry, I know this is a very negative response to your post but I guess I'm tying to let you know you're not alone in how you're feeling. I'm right there with you!!! I still have a tiny bit of hope that things will be alright. Never stop trying. You'll be okay too. Happy to listen if you want to talk on here or on pm.
Take care xxxx
Hi, thank you for your reply, I'm 33 also, single mum of 5...2 boys and 3 girls, I try everyday to be a "normal" mum but I'm not normal, at least I don't feel it, it's so hard feeling this way and trying to do my best by them, I feel like I'm failing them but don't know how to change things, they deserve so much better xx
It's so hard. The funny thing is, when I hear you say stuff like that, I'm thinking, no way! You're an amazing mum! Being a single parent to one child is hard, let alone 2,3,4,5! And the fact that we are doing it all when really the responsibility should be halved (in my case, dad does nothing to help ever) makes it all the more hard work. I don't know if you're the same as me, but a lot of my stuff is low self esteem and my confidence has died. I don't know what else I'm meant to be doing besides being a mother and I compare myself to everyone else. All that does is feed the negative thoughts I have and the whole thing spirals. I just feel worthless. But, I have to remember that I am worth the universe to my boys and I have no doubt that your kids feel the same way about you. Don't give up. Have you spoken to your GP or had any therapy of any kind??
Oh I'm fat from amazing, my children's dad sees the 3 youngest albeit irregularly kinda when he feels like it!
Yes I have low self esteem too.
My GP does know my situation and I do have a counsellor although I've not seen him for a couple of months, he's been on holiday, had an appointment With him last week but stupid panic attack stopped me from going xx
Nope. Concentrate on getting yourself sorted out before you can guide anyone else Hey? You are doing the RIGHT Thing.
For example, if you've got a problem with travelling on public transport, or answering the phone, you aint going to be able to teach your kids that things are O.K.
example, I still have a lot of trouble calling someone I don't know as my mother used to shove the phone at me ('Oh heres Steve' when I was a kid and I was 'trained' to panic ('Whos on the line?' 'What do they want?' 'What should I say?'. If mum had resolved her issue she / me would have been much better! I got (mostly) over it by being part of an I.T. support cell where I HAD to pick up the phone and call. But it was SOO bad.
Youre doing OK. :P