Back in December I was coming home from college and had this overwhelming feeling that I was going to die in a car accident before I got home. Turns out, I clearly did not pass away, but the car in front of mine at one point crashed into the divider. Had my mom not stopped short in time, we had the potential to be flung into traffic or go into the divider as well.
Once I got home, I found myself still believing I was going to die, but this time, in my sleep. In January, medical problems arose for me, but got resolved. However, during those times, I believed I was going to die for medical reasons.
When the next month came around, I was finally able to see a wonderful psychiatrist and a helpful
psychologist who I still see regularly. They diagnosed me with aggrivated general anxiety disorder, minor depression, and OCD. Around the same time, I was just beginning to drive again, and all of the sudden had this overwhelming feeling that I was going to die youn in a car accident come the second week of June 2017. I still feel this way, however I am unsure if this is anxiety or a preminition. Here are my reasons why...
At work one day, a woman said to me she loved my name and how it reminded her of her friend's grandaughter, who had a brother named Mikey. I had a flashback to my brother's friend Mikey, who passed away young after being hit by a car on his bike. This sparked anxiety within me. On the way home, I saw an ambulance in the exact spot in which my brother's friend landed after being struck, and when I came home, my sister told me that another young boy just passed around where we live in the same exact manner as my brother's friend, and the same exact age. Is it coincidence that these things happened and I'm having anxiety, or do you believe these are actual signs?
Furthermore, one day I yelled at my mom in the car "I feel like I'm going to die young, okay" and all of the sudden, a hearse pulled up in front of us (mind you, I leave near a funeral home) and then the song "I don't want to live forever" came onto the radio. When we came home, I checked the mail and behold, there was a letter prompting parents to get child life insurance (however, I am 18 and no longer a child). Again, coincidence or not?
My psychologist has suggested that I only notice these things and blow them up because I have anxiety about dying in June young before turning 19 (August 2017). If I hadn't had anxiety, I would think they are just average things happening.
I am seeking for people's opinions on what is happening and it anybody feels or has ever felt this way and if so, what happened? How did you cope?
I don't want to go back to crying in my room and feeling like I need to make funeral plans for myself. I have spoken to my significant other and even asked them to not be with others when I pass, etc. I also find myself purchasing things for big events (i.e. a trip to Boston, VIP concert tickets), but being hesitant to and/or not purchasing at all smaller things like Father's Day cards. I constantly wonder how my family will feel when I'm gone, how my mom will cope, etc.
Another scary aspect is that when I look back, I feel fulfilled in life, and I know this is how many people feel before death comes, but can't it also mean I just have lived a good life up until now and will continue to, kind of like those people with "no regrets." However, I have only felt this recently, but maybe it is because I am getting older.
Thanks guys!