So about 4 months ago I started dating this guy, I will still say I believe this guy is my soul mate and I am still unbelievably in love with him. A month into our relationship I fount out I had genital herpes, if you read my forum my first discussion explains the first outbreak. So me and my partner both have it, still both half accusing each other of it inside but the subject is taboo and we do not speak about it. I have had 2 outbreaks since I was diagnosed and although the pain is less severe, my mentality is still all over the place and I still struggle coping with this disease. Anyhow, today I discovered my boyfriend used to sleep with prosititues, he said it happened just the once but because he has lied about this information before now I cannot pin point how many times. I am LOOSING my mind, I am so so angry because I have asked this question numerous times and my reply was always a no. Today I started to play on the idea, laughing and joking about sleeping with sex workers and he admitted he has before. I don’t know how the f*ck I should react at this, I know readers / outsiders would immediately assume that he is a bad guy, a liar etc but he really isn’t- I have fallen so deeply in love with him it’s undescribable. We plan to move in together in a month or two and start planning our lives together however this has really started to make me think different. Has he done everything right with me because he feels he cannot be with anybody else? Because the thought of sleeping with someone else with this disease makes me feel sick and disgusting. Who would want to be with someone with this? A lifelong disease? I am 20 years old so I feel no one else would ever accept me. Do I have a right to be this angry? Was it his way of protecting our relationship? I don’t know what to do but I am feeling very angry and disappointment inside.
Hi Jess
There's quite a few issues swirling around in your mind that are muddled together. I think it would help you sort out your feelings and what's important to you if can separate them.
1. Your bf had sex with a sex worker
2. Your bf hasn't been open / honest with you about the sex worker previously
Do you have a very fundamental objection to sex work? If you do and this makes your bf seem exploitative then maybe that's the important issue?
However it seems more likely that it's the second issue. The two of you have never properly addressed where the Herpes came from and whether your bf knew about it. His lack of openness about the sex worker seems to chime with his lack of openness about the Herpes. I’m not surprised you are upset.
You obviously love your bf and are looking for a reason to forgive him. I don’t think this will go well unless you can be convinced he has fully told you about his past.
You need to find a way of having the difficult discussion with him.