Hi - thanks for posting. I can completely relate to your struggles, and I'm sure many other posters on this forum will have shared experiences.
Firstly, do check out some of my other posts, because sometimes I will have articulated the same thing better at other points.
Please note, all the information provided is based on the dietitic advice I've been given. I am not a qualified professional. Just in recovery from anorexia nervosa myself.
You mentioned that having re-started eating, your weight "rapidly" gained 2kg. This is very normal. I imagine you felt very anxious, and an impulse to give up, and return to restrictive patterns of behaviour.
There are several reasons for the 2kg gain. Firstly, this may have actually been linked to your time of the month. Your body retains more water during this time (mine for example retains so much that my weight shoots up 3kg). After my period is over it then goes back down again.
Second, your weight "gain" could have been down to your body trying to repair itself. (I'll also talk about this in relation to the calorie consumption). Your body is rapidly trying to rebuild itself following starvation/restriction. It is fixing tissue, organ and so on so will cling onto as much energy as possible. If you were initially eating more calories than you were before, then at least some of that weight gain, could be your body trying to fix itself.
Weight is incredibly hard to predict. How often are you weighing yourself for example? If you are weighing yourself daily, then this is not realistic to get a picture of what your weight actually is. At this stage I would consider trying to manage it weekly. In the long run, I would suggest only look reviewing it monthly. Your weight will fluctuate between 1-3kg at any given time. (As alluded to, it can be slightly higher at your time of the month, but it can also fluctuate at many other points, for all kinds of reasons, even mundane ones such as the air temperature being a bit drier, or you sweating less one night!) This means that even if you eat the exact same thing and drink the exact same thing every day, and even do the exact same routine every day, including weighing yourself the same way every day, your weight can and will still be different. (which is a horrible concept for us!)
I don't know much about the digestive challenges you have noted, (you aren't taking laxatives are you? If so please try and stop these as they are so dangerous). The medication can cause varying side effects, including the sweating you described as well. Perhaps discuss with your doctor these symptoms including the diarrhea.
Sometimes we have bowel troubles when returning to a more normal appetite too.
I get bowel troubles around certain food groups, because my body is still getting used to eating these, due to having cut these out for so long. I also get increased bowel movements during my period, which I also think is my medication (which I take to stop me from being in agony!!). I would definitely speak to your doctor. One of the things to be mindful of if you are experiencing diarrhea lots is loss of vital minerals like potassium, so you may want to consider increasing nutrients such as bananas (high in potassium) and supplements which can replace lost salts.
Calories! Yes, I get worried about eating too much too. This is why I started calorie counting via an app, and now I've got a bit stuck in a rut with it. So I wouldn't advise it at all. What it did prove to me is that where I thought I'd "binged" (i.e. for me eaten more than my meal plan, or what was safe for me), I'd still eaten less than the recommended daily allowance for a person my age. So sometimes we do catasrophise over these things. That said, when I was at secondary school, I did used to experience binges around the 3000 calorie mark and it's only recently I've understood why.
I used to skip breakfast (because I thought that would make me lose weight). Get tempted by the vending machines at breaktime, skip lunch because of it and binge as soon as I got home. I'd eat dinner normally with my family because I didn't want them to know.
Breakfast is vital to keeping your moods stable, but also keeps your weight low. You need carbs at each meal, otherwise your body tries to find energy in its most densist form (i.e. binge). I know it's hard, but if you can plan plan plan and try and make sure you have something small at each meal. I find oats so simple are amazing for breakfast but if that's too difficult to start off with, I tried putting oats into some of the big yoghurts (onken, rachels), then I find some of the soups with pulses can be great for lunch (like the Glorious range) because there is more substance to them. I started off buying some of the waitrose salads for dinner too to try and get me going with something more than soup in the evenings. Again, you have loads of beans in these, which if things like pasta and rice can be too ambitious this is a good stepping stone.
I get fresh fruit delivered to my office, so I can have a banana as a snack and usually find snack bars a great snack mid-afternoon, or hummus and ryvita. Actually, all that I've mentioned still gives you room to add in more, as that's still under 2000 calories (depending on the combination of options).
One thing I would say is really focus on goals in recovery. Motivations, things you want to achieve that are not part of your eating disorder. Yes, I'm still in recovery (not recovered...it's a long battle), but one of the reason's I'm doing so well this time round is because I'm exhausted by everything my eating disorder has controlled and all the things I've missed out on. I've cut holidays short because of my anorexia, I've missed out on social events, I'm constantly having to plan around social engagements due to my anorexia. I had to resign from a job because of it (indirectly). It's the things I can do, now I'm in recovery which reminds me how much I want to succeed fully. These motivations remind you just how much you want it on the day your weight goes up or you have a horrible day...not to let your eating disorder get the better of you.
Hope that helps. Keep fighting.
i will try and do my best to keep going and not being so tough on myself. Also no, I don't take laxatives and I'm not sure yet what's causing the diarrhea but I'll try to find out! I do always eat breakfast lunch and dinner and snacks but i still don't feel satisfied.. It's like my stomach has no bottom :P i guess i have to listen to my body