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I'm posting this in the hopes to help anyone else going through the same thing.
I have always suffered anxiety to some degree my whole life, and only recently after a short stay in hospital I developed health anxiety. When my anxiety is in full swing, I cannot think rationally nor believe anyone when they tell me everything is okay. Not until I get conclusive results.
It all started with severe period pains - I rarely get cramping so this was out of the norm for me. My first mistake was Google; I got lost in countless websites telling me I had different conditions from PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome) to Endometriosis, or something as simple as aging and hormonal changes (I am 26). Some where along the way, I stumbled across 'HIV/AIDS'.
Of course, I knew what HIV/AIDS was and what it does, but never in my life had the thought even crossed my mind about contracting it, or even being tested for it.
I live in a country where HIV incidence has remained pretty low/stable here over the last few years (from the little research I did about how common the virus is) and you don't hear a lot about it like you do in other countries - it isn't even part of our standard STD/STI testing panel.
After I stumbled across HIV/AIDS, that was it for me. Daily I would read up on symptoms and people's stories, some with happy endings and some with sad. Everyday I would wake up with a new 'symptom' from body aches/pains to a white tongue (I was actually diagnosed with a geographical tongue when I was little, it is harmless), to headaches, flu-like symptoms etc. I was absolutely losing my mind. I only told my mother, my sister and my best friend of my concerns and they all told me I was crazy to even think I would have HIV - but it felt real to me.
I knew the health anxiety I was feeling wouldn't subside until I consulted a doctor. I booked for a cervical screening and an STD panel (blood test). I was sure it would come back that I had contracting something! My mind told me I would not get away with having nothing.
I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, my mood was depleted and I was anxious every second of the day for such a long time.
When I spoke to my doctor, she looked at me like I was crazy when I mentioned testing for HIV. She asked me if I was sure and only agreed to do it for my peace of mind. This did make me feel a little better that she would assume I wouldn't have it, but after reading so many stories, I didn't believe her.
She told me to make an appointment for a week later and the pathologist told me that the blood test would actually be done in 48 hrs. So I tried to tell myself that if something was wrong, my doctor would call me sooner and those that knew I was testing also told me the same - but I Googled and it didn't take long for me to convince myself that she might not even look at my results until my appointment.
I came back for my results a week later. Sitting in the waiting room for my name to be called was the worst. I was even waiting to see my doctors face and see if I could judge by her expression what my results would be - stupid!
Well... everything was fine. No HIV, no Syphilis, no Hep C, no Chlamydia, No Gonorrhea, nothing. My cervix was also healthy, no HPV was detected or any abnormal cells. Nothing was wrong with me.
After this, I felt relaxed. Like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I was so ready to throw my life away over a virus I didn't even have. I had suicidal thoughts. I told myself I couldn't live if I had this virus and that is scary! and it was all because I went on a Google frenzy. All the symptoms I was feeling went away. I will be avoiding Dr. Google from now on.
TL;DR - I convinced myself I had HIV, spent weeks of my life with severe anxiety and my results came back negative. My symptoms were all in my head and a result of stress. NEVER Google your symptoms.