I've had depression and Anxiety now since I was about 16. I know the triggers. Massive Stress sets off my Anxiety in which eventually sets into depression.
Now, ten years later it feels like I'm stuck in a never ending cycle. I can't seem to see a Doctor. I was put on Citalopram when I was 19 and I didn't like how it made me feel. Numb and couldn't concentrate. I tried to overdose on it but fortunatly wasn't succseful.
I've learned and grew a lot since then but when I have days and days on end of feeling like I'm going to die and as if I'm ready to wake up from a bad dream. My head is always fuzzy, I over think, I obsess, my thoughts are filled with my loved ones dying. I can't stick to a job because I'm afraid of having a panic attack in front of everyone no matter how much I fight it because I want to work and be "normal" more than anything.
My Social life is now a dwindling flame and I don't mean to ramble on so much but I'm so so fed up.
What do I do?
My Doctor just gives me forms to fill out and wants to put me on meds but I don't want to be on meds. I fight it off myself but it always comes back. Do I just give in? Is being on meds that make me feel numb for the rest of my life the only way I can live normally?
Again, I'm sorry for sounding so pathetic I just don't know what to do anymore.
I've suffered anxiety issues now for around 6 years in that time I have started on 20mg citalopram and currently at 40mg.
When in bad bouts I suffer from hurrendous sleep issues. I recently went back to my GP who has advised me to taper my cit. 1 week 40-30-40-30etc then 30-30-30-30 etc on a weekly basis then lower and lower but steady. He also gave me mirtazapine 15mg at night. First 3 days slept fine so far so good. Still quite anxious and have a fast heart rate and a bit groggy throughout the day but better than not sleeping!!!
Obvs I'm nervous about weening off one and taking another but I'd rather have some side effects that have days without sleep!!!!
Anyone out there on similar medication that can advise and let me know how they are doing?? Any one find that this combo works for them??
I've been fine on cit alone until recently. Doc said it could have stopped working.
I've tried to find groups where I live but there is none which is a shame as I think group thearpy would be awesome.
Hope other people join in this discussion maybe we could all help each other through experience!!!
Ask your dr for a referall to psychotherapy, then you can talk to someone who understands about these issues - gp's generally know nothing about them and just throw pills at you. Therapy works better in the long term, especially if the issues have been around for years. No pill will take that away for you, therapy (not cbt but proper psychotherapy) has a very good chance of helping you. I refuse meds and only use therapy, it works for me and countless others. Pills at best are a short term fix, not a long term solution
[The-Elephant-Rope] As a man was passing the elephant, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small thin length of rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at any time, break away from their bonds and become free, but for some reason, they did not.
He saw a trainer nearby and asked why these animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. “Well,” the trainer said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the exact same size rope to tie them, but at that age its strong enough to hold them. By the time they have grow up, their minds have become conditioned to believe that no matter how much they try, they will never break the rope. They still believe the rope can hold them, so they never try to break themselves free.”
The man was amazed. These animals could, in an instant, break free from their bonds but because they believed they could not, they were stuck right where they were.
Thanks, I feel the same way about Meds hence my reluctance to use them.
As for Therapy, where I'm from the Doctor refers you and you have to wait a few weeks before the Therapy people ring you. They then do an assesment over the phone and you have to wait 6-8 MONTH for an appoinment. The first time they just never got back to me, claiming my number was lost in the system.
The second time I was me waiting for an appointment after the telephone assement. That was 14 month ago.
When i read it it just resonated through me. So i thought maybe it was worth sharing. Food for thought. Somewhere in all of us..there is an out. Even in despair. I have walked in and out of such despair through out my life.Sometimes it is a mindset that just alters it and then it does improve for a while. Nothing "easy" about any of this,
Hi, I can totally understand your reluctance to take medication , but sometimes it's the only way to feel anything like "normal", maybe you just haven't found the right meds yet, if depression and anxiety is down to a chemical imbalance then no matter how much determination you have won't correct that imbalance, don't give up on seeing your doctor even if he wants you to take medication , it might be the best thing for you as you feel so wretched without it. You don't have to take it forever if you don't want to, just till you can cope with things a little better. I really hope you start to feel better very soon, I know exactly how you feel,I was on clomipramine for 32 years with only a couple of blips in that time but had to come off it because of high blood pressure, I was put on sertraline in January but now I have to come off that because it's not working and gave me severe breathlessness, I see my go on Wednesday and will be starting a different AD , like you I would rather be drug free, but to be honest I would try anything than suffer with this terrible illness, keep posting please then I can see your progress xx
I'm having a good day today it's crazy like how bad I was yesterday and today I'm singing, cleaning and being active. Let's hope it lasts! But we all know it won't lol.
Hi Sarah, really glad you've had a good day hope this is a sign of good days to come it's surprising what a bit of sunshine can do for your mood, remember always here to help when needed x