I haven't been thinking clearly for years and my memory is awful

Mental health
1

Hi,

I've been putting up with moderate but continual anxiety and depression for years now to the point where I think feeling like this has become normalised. However, as I get older, I'm realising that these issues are starting to severely affect my quality of life

For at least fifteen years now I seem to have been suffering from problems such as:

Poor short and long term memory

Can't think clearly or strategically

Poor concentration

Can't express myself clearly

Struggle to think of things to say to people

Seem to have nothing on my mind most of the time

Can't hold many thoughts in my head at the one time

If I read things I struggle to remember in any detail what they are almost as soon as I've finished reading, ditto if I'm listening to something

I feel emotionally flat

Have difficulty having a deep or meaningful relationship with anyone

These issues are permanent and don't come and go - for example, I can't remember a time when I've felt clear headed and able to remember things well.

The frustrating thing is that academically I seem to be quite smart but my cognitive ability is very poor. I went back to uni 6 years ago, did well and I recently got a good new job. However i am struggling due to my memory, concentration and ability to deal with multiple strands of information. It's being noticed and commented on by colleagues and I'm really worried I won't be able to cope and will have to quit.

I've found I've always struggled at any workplace I've had due to these cognitive issues but until now have always had mundane, low responsibility jobs where I could get away with it.

I'm on propanolol every day which lessens some of the physical symptoms but I still get tight chested and short of breath when stressed and minor things (mostly at work) get me panicky.

I've tried prozac which for 8 weeks which had no noticeable effect and citalopram for 6 weeks which just made me nauseous and gave me a weird feeling in my head. I took venlafaxine for the first time on Saturday and it floored me - Sickness, diarrhoea, dizziness, pressure in my head and anxiousness. I'm scared to take it again now- there's no way I could go to work like that.

My doctor booked me in with an NHS psychiatrist but the waiting list is 9 months so I'm thinking I'll have to go private, which I can't really afford but I need to do something about this. I've ignored it for too long.

I'm feeling really hopeless, withdrawn and worried right now. Has anyone experienced similar long term symptoms and if so, have you found anything that's helped make things better?

Sorry for the rambling email but I've not really talked to anyone about this other than my doctor and I really need to speak to others about this, hopefully people who have gone through or are experiencing similar issues.

Thanks for reading.

Col

2

Hello. You described me. I did have to quit working full time. Now I work on things I enjoy. I redo furniture and things and sell them. I also help my friend in her flower shop when needed, as I love doing floral design. I am from the US, so here we have disability for what I have. I am not able to do the very stressful and demanding jobs I have always done. First, know that you are not alone. Second, find some way to get help. Others will let you know some options you might have there. If nothing else, find some stress management. It souns like the propanolol is working for you on a daily basis, but you need some breathing exorcises, and relaxation techniques. You can ramble here anytime Hope this has eased your worry some.

3

Its a good discription of me to, but what is it called, whats your disability called.

4

I have a severe anxiety disorder with Agoraphobia. I qualified for disability when I could not walk out of my house for ANYTHING for 2 years. My therapy was by phone only, and his letter helped me when I applied. I have had to go through numerous therapists, and just keep pushing myself. I still can not drive very far by myself. Maybe 15 miles. But I have been able to travel 300 miles with family. That is a HUGE step for me. But I also have numerous other phobias. I am working on a lot of those right now. It is an uphill battle, no doubt. But I will not give up again!!! It takes a therapist or GP to diagnose you properly. Not Google!!!

5

No google diagnosis I agree, I am just coming through a bout of depression, going to therapy, and had my first visit with a psycologist last week, they seemed baffled by me, but back next Thursday so hope to get answers soon. col38's post discribes me to a T, my whole life has been dictated by my condition.

6

Thanks for replying guys. It's reassuring to know I'm not alone in feeling like this.

It wasn't still recently I realised that my cognitive problems were most likely due to a perpetual underlying anxiety that I've been living with for years without truly acknowledging it. At times I thought I had brain damage and my doctor never really seemed to understand/ I struggled to explain it.

I'm 38 now and reckon I've been living with this since at least my early 20s.

I'm not sure if chemicals, psychiatrists or both are the brstvroute. Have you found anything that's made you feel better?

7

Therapy and Xanax. There are so many meds for this. Have they not prescribed anything yet? Truthfully, a Psychiatrist helped with a diagnosis and prescribing medication. Learning to live again was helped by a Psychologist. They can not prescribe meds, so they know tools to help you find why you are having the anxiety, and how to control it. Anger I did not even realize I had, had a lot to do with mine.

8

Hi Bonnie. I'm in the UK and went to see a mental health specialist a couple of weeks ago who recommended venlaflaxine. I took it once but it really didn't agree with me. I know if I took it the side effects I felt would mean I couldn't go to work. I'm not sure if they wear off after a few days but I am really put off taking it again. I've also tried prozac and citalapram but didn't notice anything after 6-8 weeks.

Have you found that meds make a difference? I think going to see a psychiatrist is probably the best route for me just now though I do want to find medication that helps too so might have to try some alternatives.

Has anyone found that meds help their cognitive abilities and clarity of thought?

9

Hi Col, Im on citalopram 20 mg, and went through a month plus of side effects, it was bad, and dont ask me how but still managed to get to work (part time). That said, with my job, I can hide away for 10-15 mins and wont be missed. week 9-10 before I started to feel noticeably better. And for the last week I have been on 1mg respiridone with the cit, which stops the constant fixating on crap, however been eating like a horse while on it, but better than the intrusive thoughts, and Im only on it for a month, so 3 weeks left and cycling so hopefully will keep the weight off.

Even though I'd still take it regardless. hope this helps. regards Nick

 

10

Hi Col. Yes when you get the right meds for you, amd it can all take time, I have found that they ease the symptoms. Thn you are able to think more clearly without the worry. Cognitive therapy helped me cause it makes me think in a more positive way. I am also able to gradually face my fears, and do more. It just takes time. There is no instant cure I am sorry to say.

11

Hi Colin

Just reading your post and can totally empathise with you my friend. Your life seems to be a carbon copy of mine, but thankfully I haven't suffered as long as you have. I've had this problem for the past 9 years, and I feel the reason is down to a lack of vitamin b12 in my diet. I turned vegetarian 9 years ago and I truly know that it's no coincidence that around that time I started to be forgetful, anxious at work, terrified of engaging in groups that if I'm asked a question, i won't be able to answer and end up making a fool of myself.

My mind is always cloudy and I struggle to think with any clarity. I've been to the doctors to ask for a course of b12 injections, but they claimed that my blood levels are normal and refused!

I know for a fact that my problem is down to turning vegetarian, but I couldn't go back to eating meat!

I used to be a confident guy who always had things to say, but that's all gone. I will continue to strive for a cure to my condition and hope you will too.

All the best my friend!

Gary

12

Hi Col! My name is Amber. I'm 23 years old and have been going through the exact same thing you have been going through. I do not have the funds to go to the doctor so I wanted to know if you had gotten any help or have been diagnosed? Please it would help a lot. I have all of the exact same symptoms and because of it is affecting my relationship. My husband gets tired of telling me things over and over and he often gets mad when I don't notice certain things or certain social cues from him. I have depression (unfortunately self diagnosed and not being treated for it) which I think contributes to it. And, often, I tend to keep to myself because if I end up in an argument with someone I can't think of anything to say. Even if the argument is just online or by text. My husband says that I just have my head up my ass but I think that it's an actual illness or problem. If you have gotten a result or found something that helps you let me know!

13

Hi Col, how are things going at present with your cognative issues, of which I can relate to most of them as a 6 year chronic anxiety sufferer.

14

Me completely - Col, please tell us you've found a cure!?

15

Same here. Any luck? But I have a great memory in memory games but when it comes to just remembering, there's a fog.

16

There is a permanent fix for this sorry for the long post, but if it helps someone then ).

I have been going with similar phase. But i do recommend something.

I think all these things start to happen when you have excess pressure and stress or depression, which i think make the brain numb.

So, First of all test your vitamins levels. Mostly the main factor is B12 and other variants of Vitamin B.

Secondly, I think brain goes into deep hibernation or response numbness. I call it "rusty brain". Now you have to something to crap off the rust. Re-energizing brain neurons with the help of meditation.

How to do meditation :

(Original video was in hindi, translated to English. So there might be some language errors)

So the process of meditation is explained in the initial minutes. I recommend you to follow that methodology.(As there are various)

Now at least do that for 3 to 6 months daily, depending from how long you have been facing this issue.

( If you didnt get the meditation method from video i will explain you here)

Thirdly, don't pressurize yourself to perform better. Stress is brain's enemy. So you need to chill relax and enjoy the life. Eat healthy and avoid meat. Do some exercise or yoga for at least 20 mins a day

Fourthly, Don't stick to Digital world ( i mean to say: dont use mobiles laptops unnecessarily) Actually we have tendency to lessen our suffering or getting over boredom with the help of digital world( scrolling through the facebook post and unnecessarily watching youtube videos). This creates distracted thought process or numbness( just feeding information without really processing that info. Which leads to information overloading. Brain gets confused: which info to process or to store, The real world or the virtual world.)

I am saying this because our brain is in weak stage. So first we need to strengthen it, so it can process thoughts and information effectively and efficiently.

And last thing don't be lazy. Stand up do the work that you have thought.

And avoid multitasking as much as you can for certain period.

So what we are doing here and why all these restrictions. ( Its like you have to go to gym to make the muscle):

Actually first we are dosing what is deficient. So the brain get its fuel.

So with the meditation we are training our brain to function properly, because it has really forgotten its abilities because of huge stress.

So in meditation brain again learns to process thought calmly and step by step only focusing on required information. Increasing focus, decreasing anxiety and stress.

Lastly the digital thing is like parasite for our brain. So for a period of time it is necessary to avoid this parasite and need to strengthen our brain.

*Note*(for men): " If you are overmastrubating please limit it( max 2-3 times a week) which depletes our resources".

Thankyou. And sorry of this long long post (and for english lang errors if i did any, english is my second language)

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17

Hi, the solution to this problem is your eyes. I know  it sounds unrelated but I somehow got lucky enough to find this. I'm sorry that you have been dealing with this so long. Download the App accleread. It will train your eyes and help you think a lot faster. Sometimes I find myself in extreme euphoria just my own thoughts. I understand this problem and I know that sometimes you might be trying sooo hard but still can't get stuff done. It's your eyes. You might have a very slight form of lazy eye. I know this sounds crazy but just trust me. Get the app accleread and make sure to use your eyes to read. And it's free but you'll want to get the full app when you start seeing the results.

18

I really like your comment.  I 100 percent agree with the meditation and stress points. Stress is the number 1 killer but please look into my comment about the eyes. It will help 

19

Read my comment 

20

I know this is was 3 years ago when you posted this . but have you overcome this problemb because I was in shock reading your post as I have the same problemb I put it down to anxiety and ptsd and a whole list of over problembs but not sure . I have quit all my medications as i though that would bring my memory back but im still the same I cannot watch tv anymore and my concentration is awful any advice would be greatful . also when people in my life talk to me its as if it all goes through me withought any though.