I know that at my age I should be enjoying the best years of my life, preparing for high school, hanging out with friends, etc. (I’m 13 btw). Yes I get that I’m very young, but I’m just so tired of living another day… All that comes with a new day is more disappointment, more pain and everything just seems to rest on my shoulders, kind of like Atlas the Titan who had to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders.
I suppose that I should elaborate. You might assume that currently my life revolves around my family, my studies, and my social life. Well, regarding my family, I don’t get along well with my mother. We’re totally different: My mom needs to feel powerful, is dominant, is a generally negative person (by that I mean she assumes the worst out of everything, and most of the time she only sees the worst in people), and she’s the one who’s talking. I am milder, my temperament and emotions are in control ( I had learned it years ago; yet now it’s slowly breaking me to have people assume I don’t have emotions at all), I see both the good and the bad and try to focus on the good, and I am a listener. Well, obviously I have my own opinions too; but Mom never listens. Well, I’d also like to say that she isn’t like this with my two younger siblings. Maybe she just hates me, I guess (I have been told several times that I’m not worth her time). I can’t stop thinking about what a perfect family mine would be if I weren’t there.
As for my studies, I’m barely holding on. My grades are fairly good, but this year I have to both prepare applying for high school (I’m planning to study abroad) and keep up my good grades. Add that with the pressure from my family, and I’m done. Most of the kids at my school have to fight tooth and nail to get a good grade, so I’m kind of biting more than I can chew.
I honestly don’t know what to do now. I’m just so tired. Life doesn’t seem worth living anymore. My mother’s hurtful words keeps haunting me and all my emotions are bottled up painfully. I’ve tried having a heart-to-heart with (one or both) my parents for a long time, but they never seem to take my struggles seriously. Right now I feel so alone, cause nobody is there for me. It’s so cold most of the time. I just don’t want to try once more anymore. Everything doesn’t seem to have a point.