Hi all,
I had a difficult time writing this out, and there may be typos, but please hear me out. I’ve been suffering and struggling with an undiagnosed condition that’s ruined my life. No one wants to understand, no wants to believe in me, and I don’t know what to do anymore because I can’t keep living like this.
For six years now, I’ve had issues eating, specifically swallowing. I feel like it gets stuck in my throat and when I reach down in here, I can pull bits back up out of my throat, or simply cough it up. I gag when swallowing, I drool a lot, there's persistent pain, and most of it sits in my throat for days until I'm able to get it back up (doesn't seem to block my airways, usually, so it's able to sit in there). I've had to avoid almost every food because of this, I can't eat out with family, and I'm seriously living off instant mashed potatoes, canned cheese, and thin pudding with nothing in it. Just a week ago, I’ve even started having issues swallowing these as well.
Although not eating a lot of foods have really made me sick, I can’t treat any of my other diagnosed medical conditions because I can’t swallow pills or even chew vitamins. I’ve asked for any liquid alternative available but my doctors say that there’s nothing wrong with me and end up sending me home with prescriptions for pills that I can’t take. None of my pills can be crushed or opened either.
I’ve been to twenty-five different doctors and seven different hospitals, all of which have brushed me off like I don’t matter, refusing to find out why I have such trouble swallowing food. I’ve had a barium swallow, barium meal, endoscopy, blood tests, PH monitoring, x-rays, and a few other tests that I forget the name of (sorry). Nothing has been found, except acid reflux, however, I was put on medicine for that and haven’t had reflux in two years (they said my case wasn’t that serious anyways).
I’ve been seeing an ENT for six months and have continuously fought with him about my swallowing issue, which he says is acid reflux, although I haven’t had it in two years while the swallowing symptoms have persisted. I’ve done everything he’s said, I’ve let the man shove tubes down my nose, and he keeps thinking I’m lying. It’s not serious to him because I haven’t lost weight, however, I tried explaining that I’ve eaten enough amounts of the food I can to keep me at my normal weight.
A lot of doctors, as soon as they find out I’m mentally ill, immediately tell me it’s ‘in my head.’ “You need to see a psychiatrist.” “It’s your mental illnesses making you this way.” I’m so tired of hearing it and it’s the very reason I absolutely hate my doctors finding out. I’m seeing a therapist, I’ve asked her about this, and she can’t understand why they’re blaming it on my mental illnesses. It’s not like I have questioned the swallowing issues stemming from my head, however, no doctor will refer me to someone that actually deals with neurological conditions to see if it’s a possibility.
I'm 17 and don't want to live my entire life struggling to deal with this by myself. I don't want to drink blended up milkshakes made out of different foods, that still cause me to choke mind you, and I don't want to live off limited food for the rest of my life. My depression has gotten to the point where it's made me stop really living, going out with family members, or doing anything because I feel alone. As I type this, I'm crying my eyes out because I'm scared, suffering, and no one believes me. What's wrong with me?