I'm sorry you feel this way. I wish I was dead too. My husband keep cheating on me and it hurts. I love my kid but I feel so alone. I gave my everything and still got cheated on. I begged GOD to kill me over and over. I don't want my life. If anyone needs a heart you can have mines.
Hi Patricia you are replying on an old post. It would get seen by more people if you put up your own post. x
Me too. :'(
I know how you are feeling. I found your post by googling "I wish I was dead". My life is not worth living. If I got fatal cancer, my first thought would be "how crap my life was". It would be a relief that I could finally end this crap trapped failed life. I've no friends even just to have a chat over coffee. I've got a beautiful clever daughter and my highly successful husband who is very loyal and supportive. I've trapped him in a unhappy marriage. I should've let him free and find somebody he could share his fun with. I'm boring dull, pathetic, hopelessly useless. I should let him go but we've got a young child,and I'm hopelessly unemployable in this country. English isn't my first language. And as my husband calls me a quiet little mouse, I've got no social skills. Socialising is something I try hard and keep failing. I love books and am obsessed with them, I can't drive although I tried a few driving lessons before the driving instructor ditched me. I hadn't had much confidence from the beginning but it's gone down to almost zero now. I really want to stop existing. Killing myself would be followed by ugly after-businesses which would despair my family. I don't want that. I just want to disappear from this world, stop being myself. I'm no depressed. Still can laugh at funny YouTube videos and go out for jogging. I failed to meet my husband's expectations. He's a successful charismatic guy whose company everybody enjoys. He's got lots of interests and a gift of gab. He 's super sharp and regarded as a godsend at his work. Everybody wants to be his friend. They probably are sorry for him being stuck with such a dull boring useless awkward woman.
I'm trying to get out of this self pithiness but my efforts just keep crumbling. I really don't know what to do other than lying on the sofa and staring the iPad screen.
I used to be more lively. More focused and positive. How did this happen?
Sorry about my messy random thoughts. I can't talk to anyone, and this post seems written here long time ago, hopefully you're feeling more hopeful than you were seven months ago.
Everything is going to be ok. Look into getting a reiki session and go to dr and get on meds. I did. It helps alot.
I've never ever posted in any discussion or forum about anything in my whole life. This is very new to me and I'm nervous. Tonight I went to google and typed in "I want to die" and this came up. First of all I'm very sorry for what you're feeling. I don't think people who have never been seriously depressed can possibly understand, and many of those people reply with severe anger if they hear someone talk in this way. No one in my life can understand how I feel. I have had severe depression for going on 20yesrs. The only time in my life that I was truly happy was when I was raising my son. Just as with you, my son is 23 and living his own life. Growing up we were inseparable. Best friends. I do see him but I still feel a horrible hole in my heart. Sometimes it feels like I'm grieving since he moved out. I also have a lot of medical issues that started in 2000. I've seen more doctors than I can count. It seems that most of what is wrong can not be cured. I've suffered greatly because of all of it. I think about people who have it worse than me, like someone battling cancer. But then I think that person is fighting for their life. I'm just wishing and waiting to die. There's nothing I can fight to fix. My medical issues have prevented me from being able to look for or have a companion so I've been alone for 16 years. After my son left I just didn't want to live anymore. When I was younger I actually did try to die but someone was looking out for me. Now I feel like if I kill myself my son would be very hurt. I also have a cat that I adore and the thought of him going to the pound is unbareable. So I wake up every day and go to sleep every night wishing I would die and prey that someone would care for my pet and that my son would be ok. I hope this was not too long to write but I needed to get this out of mg head and I responded emotionally to what you wrote. You are not alone in your feelings.
You can't die, Diane. Your son and kitty need you. You have a purpose here.
I totally get it Diane as I feel the same as you. At 62 after a lifetime of depression, loneliness and disappointment I am ready to go too. I don't have your serious health conditions but there are other reasons I am on my own and always will be.
I don't even have children to live for, though I do have a cat. I know my sister would take him in happily. I hope my natural end isn't too long delayed.
Lori I have spent countless hours and made my knees sore from kneeling trying to figure that purpose out. The only thing I come up with I see my son, but he's grown. He's healthy successful and stable. I know he loves me, but he. Doesn't really need me anymore. So I think was that it? Was I just here to raise my son? I don't get any answers. Thanks for the reply.😔
Do you really think that your son doesn't need you anymore just because he's grown and moved out? I am 38 years old and I still need my mother. Unfortunately she has been gone for the past 9 years. I have been battling depression my entire life. It sucks. Sometimes I want to die. I don't have any children or family that I talk to. I am alone. That's what makes me sad.
I am alone too. I can't even have pets where I live. I always have feared that I would end up alone because I never had children. Do you wish you had?
I didn't really when I was young and couldn't anyway, but wish I did now. I feel very alone and unwanted now, and missed out on what's most important in life - family.
x
I've always felt alone. My biggest fear is to die alone. I did two past life regressions and in both I saw myself die alone. I think I've carried this feeling through many lives.
Hey Lori. I was thinking about the things you've said. Why does dying alone scare you? I'm not afraid to die. I guess I would be afraid of being old and feeble and being alone. But not the dying part. I guess it would depend on joe long it took to die. I was wondering if you ever think about trying g to meet someone like to have a partner. I would love that but because of some of my health conditions I really can't be intimate with anyone and I think most men would want a relationship that included that.
I actually have a boyfriend that I've been with for 3 years. Well on and off for 3 years. I'm not afraid of dying but I am afraid of dying alone. I don't know if you believe in reincarnation but I've done a couple past life regressions in and every one of them I have died alone. I sometimes think that it doesn't matter who I'm with that I will still feel alone
Hi, reading your response here you state many thoughts that are associated with depression and anxiety, may I suggest you check the 'moodjuice' website (it is one one the recommended lit of this website) and read their booklets on depression and anxiety.
I recently had an assessment that I thought was just for anxiety but I scored mid way with depression which I didn't expect because I do still have might sense of humour, I, like you, do laugh at YouTube videos.
Best wishes to you
PS sorry about the typos
Thats great. I totally agree. I see no point in it really. But there is a silver lining. You can be fearless. Wanting to die is liberating. It cant get worse and maybee you will embrace the absurdity of it all. Personally there are a few things I could do before I die. Vendetta for instance. or gambling. Wanting to die is the best way to face fear. I want to die too. But I want to die taking risks. There are those things I'm afraid to do that I want to defeat before I go. Then I'll go. I mean wanting to die and living fearlessly are perfect for each other. Its ironic but wanting to die can be its best antidote. Go do something terrifying and then ask yourself, "If I want to die then why am I afraid?" Then do it. The body will tell you if you really mean it. and if you do then you are so much better off. You can do all the things that once scared you and laugh.
Hi. I hope I find you well I feel I am writing to myself. I have been through some rough times lately and feel like you too. I don't know what to say except that you are not alone and that if nothing else . I hope you are safe. Life is difficult no one said it would 've easy I wish I knew what I know now it would explain a lot. Each life is precious from the lowly spider that we don't hesitate to stamp on to the new born baby. But this life is yours and I am sad to think that you may leave this life without wishing u had done more. I too feel the same I have lived most of ny life unhappy but I think this needs to change.
I care x
Hi
I'm only 17 but I'll day one thing that I do understand what you going through cause I've had this feeling many times and even today I also feel depressed lonely and sad but I've always been learnt one thing that one day people will value you and see the importance of you being around maybe sooner or later but I'll tell you that you just value people and try making them feel that you so care and you like being around them then they will understand you more or even if not dont wish to die seriously what you really mean to wish for is a better life not death. Death is not good cause it doesn't give peace that's harder cause you have to repay for your deeds and im sure just cause of people you want to leave the world. The world is too big to say that no one cares for you one day someone will care for you maybe a stranger instead but someone will. Im really sorry if I've said something that may have got you upset but always believe one thing it's better to live life happy you believe in life and life will befilled in you just enjoy life. Follow your heart not these awful things.