Is this an anxiety disorder? Please help I'm losing my mind

Mental health
1

Hello guys,

I'm in my late 30's and presently working on my PhD. I've been diagnosed a couple of years ago with a condition called Retinitis Pigmentosa (RP) that eventually leads to blindness. Since then I feel like my whole life has just taken a weird turn. I've never been someone prone to anxiety or depression. i've always been rather pragmatic about my problems and strived to keep as much control as possible on my life. I'm an only child and my mom is pretty much the most important person to me in my life. She has been an absolute trooper about my diagnosis and has been super supportive. I feel like I've already put her through so much with this condition that I'm reluctant to share more with her about my health issues. 

Since my diagnosis, I've been slowly unravelling. I started having some very serious concerns about my health...what if I have another debilitating or fatal disease lurking in my future?? At first it would be just a though in passing. Lately however, I've suddenly started experiencing some other rather worrisome symptoms. It started with having pins and needles/ burning sensation in my hands and feet simultaneously and it would last for weeks. I saw my doctor who sent me for an MRI that thankfully came back negative. The weird sensations would come and go, but I wasn't too worry about it since the MRI revealed nothing ominous. In the meantime however, I started obsessing more about the possibility that something is seriously wrong with me. It was no longer just a passing thought but a constant worry. About a week ago while taking part in a bookclub, someone mentioned that a person they know has been diagnosed with ALS. At first I was obviously shocked to hear about the sad news, but later the same night I started obsessing about having the same disease. The next day, I started experiencing some serious body-wide twitching and weird buzzing sensations. My back is where most of the twitching is happening and it is non stop. I've even started feeling that some of my limbs are getting weaker, however  this sensation comes and goes....which is probably a strong indication that this muscle weakness is only perceived and not real. 

The thing is the rationale part of my brain is telling me that I'm psychologically triggering these symptoms.Yet, for some reason I can't understand there is this absolute dread that keeps overriding every single rationale though I'm having about this. I wake up in the morning feeling sick with dread. At times I start sweating profusely and feeling absolutely panicked about it all. I keep imagining all sorts of horrible scenarios of me withering away slowly and my elderly mother taking care of me, only to have me dying and her alone in this cruel world. I am all she's got since her mother, her brother, and my dad passed away within a few months of each other. I honestly don't think she could take the shock of losing me too. I've noticed that whenever I have really bad nights where I stay awake googling my symptoms and feeling extremely anxious, the next morning I feel that my whole body is sore, every single muscle in my body hurts. I try to calm myself down, and look at all of this rationally, I scold myself for being so paranoid, but honestly it is getting harder and harder to calm myself down. Whenever I think I'm making some strides in reasoning with myself, the possibility that there is really something wrong with me and that these symptoms are not caused by anxiety creeps back again. Even when I feel calm, the twitching is still there mostly in my back, so I start thinking that maybe there is really something wrong. Tonight for example, I started feeling like my tongue might be twitching.  I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind.

I can no longer focus on my work, I'm constantly focused on every single aches, pains, and twitches my body is experiencing. Lately I've been thinking a lot about death. I don't think I'm having suicidal thoughts, I'm mostly just obsessing about getting ready and making sure that I find a way of ensuring that my mom is taken care of if I happen to have a fatal disease. I feel besieged by my own thoughts and this dread that seems to be unrelenting. Have any of you experienced something similar? Is this how an anxiety disorder manifest itself? Would you have any recommendations for me? I haven't told this to any of my friends, I'm not sure they would understand since I don't understand myself what the heck is going on with me. But I desperately need a sounding board. HELP ME PLEASE!  

I apologize for the lengthy message and thanks in advance for taking the time to read it. 

2

Hi Jay you most definitely appear to have developed hypochondria.You should go to your doctor and talk about how you are feeling.Ask to be referred for therapy and work through your fears.Talk to your mother she probably knows there is something wrong with you.Get the help you need to overcome your anxiety.

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Wow 😳 that was an eye full jay sorry to read about your problems that you our having like you most of as here suffer from anxiety and panic attacks why would you want to scold your self about having anxiety would you do that if you have heart disease ore cancer like I have no jay you seen like a very intelligent person if we look at the whole picture it becomes overwhelming the mind controls the body so if you feed it negative taughts that's what you our feeding your body what you have is horrible and you just might have to live with it so try to enjoy today the now bescause jay that's all we have the now try explaining to your mum I also had a loving care wonderful mum I was so blessed if for some reason you find it difficult to talk to your mum see an anxiety specialist they really do help just remember you our not alone 

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Hello marleen85993,

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my initial post. I was starting to wonder whether I was suffering from hypochondria, glad to hear you say the same thing. Have you ever experienced these kinds of physical symptoms in relation to anxiety? I'm definitely going to reach out the health clinic @ my school to be referred for therapy. I'm sure I have a lot to unpack about my ongoing fears. I've also seen my GP who was not very helpful, he didn't examine me or anything but just blurted out MS and ALS which only made me even more anxious. He referred me to a neurologist @ my behest but the waiting list is about 8 months long. I'm guessing that by the time I finally see this neurologist either things would have settled down or gotten worse....I'm of course hoping for the former Thank you again for taking the time to reply to me, I really appreciate it. 

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Hi Jay you are very welcome.No l don't have health anxiety however I have an anxiety disorder and the symptoms can mimic countless illnesses.Doctors are not very good with anxiety disorders as they need to be treated by therapists and sometimes medication.l am a very rational person however when anxiety takes over the mind is very hard to control.l find practicing relaxation techniques helpful.Talking to yourself can also be helpful however do not be critical as this feeds the negative thoughts and feelings.Do not isolate yourself, keep your mind active.Educate yourself regarding anxiety and please do not Google symptoms.

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Hi Jay

I am so sorry you have these fears about your health. But I can completely relate to you. What happens is that the anxiety can easily turn to negative thinking which turns to fear. That happened to me in my 20s after years of intense anxiety I have the exact symptoms that you have. I also had an MRI which came out normal. But I thought I had some terrible disease. I'm happy to say that I am now in my 50s and I'm doing fine. I learned  through the years what anxiety can do to us and our thinking. I believe that is what is happening to you. Fear has taken over and yes, the more you think about it the more you're going to have those crazy symptoms. Keep in mind that any symptoms caused by anxiety cannot hurt you. They can feel scary and weird  but that's all they can do! 

 Your MRI came out fine. You do not have a fatal condition! ALS is something that is 99.9% of the time founded people 50 years and over .   Please put that out of your mind. I  had the muscle weakness, pins and needles, burning sensation, Eye floaters, ringing in the ears,muscle twitching you name it I had it! All from anxiety and stress. 

 The problem is not the symptoms we get. The problem is most people don't know how to manage the anxiety which causes the symptoms.

So with you it sounds like the anxiety has turned to fear and you don't have to let that control your life! When you get a negative thought, don't try to fight  it off. Instead, you be the observer of the thought for a few seconds. Acknowledge that you have that thought. Do this for a few seconds. Then imagine it floating off and dissolving. We are not our thoughts.  Or negative thoughts are not based on reality or fact.  They are based on fear. So do this every single time you get a negative thought and eventually your mind will be stronger and clear that thought automatically. 

 that is part of a practice called Mindfulness  which is taught all over the world and has a very high success rate. There is a book with the same title with a white cover and a ball of string on the cover. Definitely worth reading! It helps you look at anxiety and fear and negative thinking from a different perspective and help you regain your peace of mind!  Highly recommended! Many people on this site are reading it.

There are also great mindful meditations on YouTube you can listen to. I do this every day and it completely relaxes my mind, body, and any symptoms I may be having. The key is to calm down your brain because that's where all the anxiety  comes from. Please stop googling symptoms because what you're doing is you're telling your brain that you have a particular disease so the brain wants to "protect you" and it sends out adrenaline and other hormones that can cause some of the symptoms . 

 at this point now, when I get a symptom here or there I basically ignore it and it goes away. I don't give it any attention. 

Jay, what I would recommend is do things that relax you, do things that make you smile and laugh,  get a little exercise, eat healthy, get active and socialize. In other words, be a fighter for yourself! You are the one in control. Not anxiety. Not fear. 

FEAR  stands for false evidence appearing real. Remember that. The false evidence are the symptoms that your mind is interpreting as something terrible when in fact the symptoms are actually caused by your stress and anxiety. 

 sorry this is so long but I have been through this and I just wanted to share with you what has  help to me through the years. I didn't want you to live in fear of these symptoms. 

 so basically, 

 if you're really struggling with anxiety I would recommend you speak with a counselor who can help. 

 practice controlling the negative thinking as I mentioned  but stay relaxed and have a " matter of fact" attitude. Of " I am OK. This will pass. I can handle this."

 purchase the mindfulness book if you can 

 listen to audio meditations for anxiety on YouTube. 

 listen to audio on YouTube called "mindfulness breathing meditation guided 10 minutes" this is excellent and important to know. Use earbuds if you have them. 

 YouTube also has some really excellent positive affirmations!  The more you listen the more your mind believes them. 

 you are going to be JUST FINE and you can do this! I am living proof that those symptoms are not harmful and are NOT an indication of something worse. 

 and don't forget to laugh and smile! Try not to take life too seriously like I did. 

 please let us know how you are  doing 😁❤️❤️❤️

 

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Thank you so very much Jan. I am so very relieved to hear all your great recommendations. I'm definitely going to see a counsellor to help me untangle all these fears that seem to be plaguing my life lately. I will get the book you've recommended and start watching the youtube videos pertaining to it. It is so hard to control these thoughts when they start, it is almost like a train running wild. I'm glad to hear that you are doing fine and found an effective way of dealing with your anxiety. This gives me great hope that everything will turn out ok in my case too. Thanks again for taking the time to read my long post and replying to it, I really appreciate that. 

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Thank you for taking the time to read my super long post Gino and replying to it. I apologize for the length of it, I wanted to make sure that I explained what I am experiencing accurately. I'm very sorry to hear about your health problems. I can only imagine how hard it is to deal with it all. You are absolutely right, I would probably have a different approach to a physical ailment which is a testament to how little I seem to know about anxiety. I guess I've been reinforcing those negative thoughts by being so critical and harsh with myself. I'm definitely going to reach out to a counsellor and try to figure out a better way of addressing my issue. Thanks again for your wise words Gino. I wish you all the best.  

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Thanks again Marleen. I'll have to work on staying away from symptom checker and other related sites, it has almost become a compulsion for me to check every little ache, and of course that just drives me off the deep end.

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 You're very welcome! There are the YouTube videos on anxiety and also the meditations for anxiety and the meditations  are best listened to if you have headphones or earbuds. It just gives a better effect.😁

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Sadly Jay that appears to be the case with health anxiety set yourself goals don't check your symptoms for 30minutes then increase the time as days pass.Let us know how you are and keep strong.