Hello Kenneth; firstly I want to thank you for your commiseration in your reply. Presently I'm 61 years old insulin dependant diabetic. I would ascertain with greater plausibility that kidney and bladder infections may be frequently revisted given all the health related setbacks related to the plague stemming from living with the curse of diabetes in my case since I was 40.
I have to admit that this wasn't my first painful cystoscopy experience. The Urologist I'm seeing has for the most part a positive reputation by a large number of his patients which can be viewed online by a doctor rating website. Not all patients give him an 5-star rating which is much to be expected.
I respect the positive and negative reviews of all patients arising from cystoscopy experiences given that all patients are unique. Much like scientist uses a litmus test standard to analyze data.
All three of my cystoscopy experiences were carried out in a hospital setting. They give each patient the option of taking and orange juice drug infused concoction of versed which I only took once as a mild sedative, which really does nothing but raise my anxiety level. I despis all invasive medical proceedures given the torture horrors of my past.
Given the heightened fears before my last cystoscopy experience I regret giving a letter to an intake female nurse who took my vitals and asked me a number of health related questions before my dreaded cystoscopy experience. I received no reply from that nurse much to be expected.
I won't make that vulnerable mistake again.
The letter is roughly as follows:
To Intake Cystoscopy Nurse:
I have great fear of coming to this Cystoscopy Exam.
Respectfully; my reasons of fear are validly based on my being a victimized (“heterosexual man”) who was brutally tortured and gang-raped at gunpoint in the past. It is very difficult for me trying to articulate with embarrassment in placing myself in a vulnerability position with regards to most invasive medical situations.
My fears and vulnerability sometimes gets the best of me when confronted in awkward, embarrassing, invasive medical exams of any nature, most often triggering strong painful memories of my harrowing gang-rape past.
I despise being physically touched by any man including male nurses or male doctors regardless of their genuine helpful intentions without harboring personal bias. It only raise’s and heightens my fears given the stigma of my horrific past.
If you could understand the full reality of all the callous implements of torture I was forced to endure for over five unrelenting hours by three savage assailants either whipping me with an electric cord or placing a loaded rifle against my head and/or revolver in my mouth whilst being repeatedly sodomized by nefarious human animals for numerous dreadful hours by all three corruptible assailants taunting me with obscene slurs whilst making death threats.
These are just some of the modes of torture you could only begin to imagine amongst other inflicted horrors of what I am trying to convey with anguishing memories of misery, awkwardness, embarrassment and unnerving difficulty.
At the end this abomination assault against me, it left me savagely beaten, seriously bloodied, and broken beyond comprehension. I maintained silence for 23 years: I spoke to no one; neither family or friends, nor did I seek medical help for any of my serious wounds, in fear of bias judgement, pigeonholing me as homosexual. Heterosexual men just don’t talk about the horrors of their own personal gang-rape experience …………………………………………………………………………………………
Regrettably; the month of August, happens to be my contemptible, unsung gang-rape anniversary; if you can truly call it an anniversary that grossly lacks any resemblance to a celebration. It’s more of an ongoing nagging condition of consequence I would only desire to forget.
(“In Interest to my personal well-being”): “I would very humbly ask respectfully and with genuine sincerity for a compassionate, caring female nurse to be at my side for moral support during this disquieting exam”.
Should no compassionate female nurse be available, I will unequivocally and respectfully refuse this medical exam.
Medical Professionals who have never experienced rape or gang-rape can only sympathize with their rape assault patients. They know very little about the physical and mental experience except that which they read in an opinionated psychoanalytical open-close text book journal. The experienced horror is far more profound than mere humanized printed words.
As half expecte no reply was given after this letter was read by a number of female nurses in the cystoscopy department.
When one humbly makes oneself vulnerable in a medical setting more than not its met with indifference. Not all medical professionals can be trusted. Nor can one expect compassion or empathy. Learned Lesson.