Living with Health Anxiety

Mental health
1

I have suffered health anxiety for 15 years but this has got really bad since Feb..I have seen a therapist for an initial assessment who always diagnosed me with social anxiety and slight OCD.

my worst fear is cancer as soon as I wake up its on my mind, every pain or feeling i get I'm convinced a form of cancer, I suffer a racing heart, choking feeling, lump in my throat, feeling of having to take a deep breath, tingling in my legs and feet..all of the above since Feb till now, the doctors have done all test and have said its anxiety..I feel like I'm going crazy I get reassurance which work for all off about 2 weeks. I won't go into a supermarket on my own for the fear everyone is staring at me, I won't go on a bus train or plane or even lifts because it's not in my control.

I feel completely alone, my husband doesn't support me or fully understand what I go through on a day to day basis, the therapist I have seen has told my he may even be the ongoing cause..how do I cope with the way he is?? I know I must be a nightmare to live with. So I've taken the plunge and joined this group for support from everyday suffers like myself. In the hope one day this can be controlled rolleyes

2

Hey hun. Sorry your going through this i also suffer health anxiety ive had a bad patch this last few weeks severe anxiety was throwing up and shaking all day everyday awful. Ive been on zoloft for 3 weeks and although still very anxious am def seeing small improvements. Are you on any meds???

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Hi....so sorry your having a bad few weeks hun 😣...are you waiting for the medication to take effect??

i was originally on 50mg of setraline..then was told 2 years ago i was on the wrong medication so I was then put onto Citalopram 20mg but as the anixety has gotten worse since Feb they have increased the dose to 40mg yet um still having everyday attacks...last week I was given Propranolo (beta blocker) to take when the anxiety is at its worse...i just want to be normal..wake up smiling not thinking im dying xx

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Hey yeah def have had some improvement little bits but i guess its a start. How lont did it take for the meds to work? Is 3 and a half weeks still early days??? And i hear you im scared im never going to be normal again

5

Hi francesca:  You've come to the right place.  Folks here are all dealing with so many forms of panic disorder, generalized anxiety (never lets up), etc. 

I've suffered from panic attacks and terrible anxiety to the point where I was bedbound.  I had to work to support myself and had I not found a group therapy center in my area along with their own psychiatrist, I don't think I'd be here today.  So I know how you are feeling.  Terrified.

All the fun things I could do when I was 16, went south when I was 17 after my first panic attack.  It's been a hard row to hoe from then on.  Fortunately, I had periods of what I can only call remission -- years in fact but that  anxiety monkey on my shoulder never left.  Kept saying you can't do that, you can't go there, you certainly can't give a status report in a staff meeting with all eyes on you (I have actually stuck my finger far enough up my nose so it would bleed so I could get away from any social setting where I thot everyone was looking at me).

I was diagnosed as a social phobic.  When I had to attend meetings at work or go to parties, luncheons, etc. I felt as rigid as a steel rod.  Felt like I was going to faint, have a heart attack, say or do something stupid and people would laugh at me.  In short, I was living in a nightmare that no one understood until I found the group.

No doubt, you fear of cancer is due to your obsessive thots -- the OCD part of your condition.  You don't have cancer that's just the anxiety monkey whispering in your ear.  Plus, people actually don't care as much about us as we think they do -- they are not always looking to make us feel stupid -- that's more stinkin thinking on our part.

With the helo of the group and the doc giving me scripts for xanax, which eventually stopped the actual panic attacks and lowered the generalized anxiety, I was able to forge ahead and not let that monkey drag me so far down.

So I can truthfully say to you that there is HOPE.  You cannot be in control of what you cannot control but you CAN CONTROLL your anxiety.  I have functioned quiet well while wrestling with the anxiety monkey for over 50 years and I'm still standing and here to tell you, 

Suggestion -- see if there is a group in your area that deals with anxiety and see a doc about medication.

Sending vibes of strength to you.

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Hi frazzled. How r u? Ive been suffering really bad bout of anxiety for almost a month now im on zoloft for 3 weeks now. Im scared im never going to be normal again or get back to the way i was 5 weeks ago. I have improved little bits but just want to feel like myself again. Do you think by Christmas i will be better? Sorry just need reassurance

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I'm going to speak to my doctors on Thursday as I really believe this current med isn't working....they took about 6 weeks in all to kick in ..so your halfway there 😀😀

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Thanks for your reply. So you really think i will get better? This anxiety is awful i hate it so much.

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yes hun you will...are you recieveing any CBT Therpy?

i go days even weeks convinced there is something wrong and in my head I think yeah ok it's just anxiety but then a rush of adrenaline kicks in and I think oh crap what if it isn't anxiety and I really am dying and I then take drastic measure like phone docs or to the point last week I phone an ambulance because I actually thought I was having a heart attack.. then I find im worse than when I first thought....your going to be fine...do you suffer with health anixety?? or do you worry about everything in general??

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thank you so much for your reply...im amazed at just how many people out there suffer with the same issues.

you think your the only one in the world at the time dealing with this issues...and I already know making this step to join forums is going to help me...

i can see by reading your story that this can be beaten maybe not cured but definitely be able to have better control...

i have spent years being told im useless..that if I ever left my husband i would never find anyone. being called fat and ugly this is where my social anxeity has stemmed from..by me thinking what my husband says is true and that is why everyone will stare..laugh or point...but today I'm going to take one of the leaps to overcome a part of this im going to go into a supermarket on my own 😊..to others this may sound ridiculous as hundreds of people do it everyday...im.hoping today will be the day going forward where i become one of those hundred of people daily going shopping.

your right it is like having monkey on your shoulder telling you, you can't do it...

well i have had 4 session of private CBT Therpy and have another 2 left...i now have an nhs appointment on the 8th to start that CBT Therpy where I am expected to have 16 sessions...thank you so much for replying your living proof it can be done x

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Hi Francesca,

i have suffered from health anxiety since I was 18 and I am 60 now.  i obsess I will either get cancer, go blind or go deaf.  Fortunately when I am feeling fine my anxiety sleeps and I function fine until the next time...this anxiety has kept me from doing many things in my life, I haven't been in a plane for 25 years, I won't use elevators, I won't participate in anything adventurous and basically I let a lot of life pass me by from my fears.  While my family relationships are great, when it comes to my anxiety, they just do not understand or have much patience for my  episodes.  They see the reality of the situation and we see our own skewed reality and they know they can't reach us and that doesn't help our issues.

now, as I approach my later years, health issues become more common.  I have had to find the strength to help myself to learn to control my anxiety.  I have found a wonderful PCP who is willing to listen to my fears.  She has upped my medication and that has helped.  I joined a support group for anxiety and depression and the instructor is a anxiety/ depression coach and I have been seeing her for almost 2 years privately now and she has taught me so many tools and has changed my life!

When things come up now I immediately make an appointment and get things looked at.  When I get my diagnosis that all is well I accept it and am able to let it go.  Before I would be petrified to go to the doctor so I would put myself thru hell until I would finally make an appointment months later and go.  Once I did go and they confirmed nothing was wrong I was fine for a week then I didn't believe the doctor and therefore start he cycle all over again!  No more!

while it is hard, I have made progress.  I make appointments quickly and accept the diagnosis and move on.  I am going into elevators and I am planning a trip where I will have to fly with friends next summer.   THis time I am going to Win, not my anxiety!

no matter how lonely you feel you are not alone!!  Those of us who know what you are going thru are there with you.  Find good help!  Try medication, relaxing technics and reaching out to others who can relate, I find this helps the most....you can do it!!!

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Hi trudy:  I can't say for sure but I know that zoloft takes a while to get into your system -- usually kicks in with it's beneficial effects after a month.  Seems like all the SSRI anti-depressants take a while for your body to adjust to them (course we are all different).  You will feel all the starting side effects before the beneficial.

Unless you are experiencing terrible side effects that you feel you cannot live with, give Zoloft another couple weeks.  If you are still very anxious maybe zoloft (usually given for depression) may not be the proper med for you.  See a doc if your anxiety continues.  Don't think about the med either because you'll be causing more anxiety by being afraid. 

I do hope you will feel better by Christmas. About being normal again?  I'm not sure what that means. Since I've suffered for so many years with anxiety and depression, I feel normal when I'm not as anxious and am not suffering depression -- that's what I consider myself.  Since my first panic attack was at 16, I haven't been the same since then. 

Give it some time and don't worry.  See doc again if necessary otherwise relax and think good thoughts. I know that's easy to type hard to do but you'll get thru this and be eating cookies with Santa with a smile on your face.

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Over 20 years for me, heart attack is what my mind goes to, my symptoms are all over the board by there is always some type of chest pain or tightness.  I have done therapy many times, been on all kinds of meds, and am not able to do anything right now because of financial restraints.  Lost my state insurance because I actually have a job and guess what now I make too much money, yet not enough to afford insurance on my own or pay for my medical care out of pocket.  I have been diagnosed with GAD and Panic Attacks, I do believe I also suffer from depression and mild OCD.  Well I say mild because I can deal with it better than I can my physical anxiety symptoms.  I know what you mean about your husband not understanding, I am on my 3rd hubby, and while he is better than the previous two he still doesn't fully get it.  That and I can only imagine how frustrating I am for other people to deal with because I know how frustrating it is for me. I drive ALL the time, I cannot be a passenger unless I am heavily medicated, I have decided it is a control thing but it is something I CAN control and I will.  I do go shopping by myself if I have to, but I don't like leaving the house alone, mainly for fear that if I drop dead nobody will find me or that I will embarrass myself if I die in public...stupid right? Anxiety isn't a rational disease, I tell myself that I'm going to die one day, and whether I am alone or surrounded by a group of people won't really matter.  If it is my time then its my time.  But my anxiety on the other hand keeps me awake at night, because if I just stay awake long enough I can't die in my sleep.  UGGG!!! I don't do planes or trains or buses, I don't go on vacations EVER!!! The last time I was forced to go anywhere was actually for a work related convention/vacation of my hubbys for 4 days and I spent the entire time in the hotel room trying not to die, feeling like I would at any second.  I made us both miserable. I have had every test under the sun multiple times, even had a heart cath in 2012...no cardiac issues.  I am very overweight and have been gaining weight steadily these 20 years dealing with my anxiety.  I do have a few actual health issues which haven't helped in the matter but I chalk most of it up to being bedridden for long periods at a time.  I have no friends anymore, hell I'm no fun to be around, I wouldn't want to be friends with me either.  I don't really have much of a social life, I stay at home whenever possible.  I have 2 living children and I feel like a failure as a mother, which all feeds into my anxiety which shows up as physical symptoms, which feeds into my anxiety.  LOVELY VICIOUS CYCLE!!! I do suggest that you try EVERYTHING, you never know what might be helpful to you.  I have found that journaling when I am in a full blown run out the door panic attack helps me.  Whenever I feel like I am about to drop dead and call an ambulance I grab my journal.  I just start writing, I write everything I am feeling at the moment, what I was doing when it happened, anything that comes to my mind really.  Sometimes I just write and cry, and most of the time when I am done writing I will feel just better enough to not run to the hospital.  I wish you good luck and will be praying for you.

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I read this after I made my first comment but I had to comment on this...get rid of him!!!  I was there, I was told I was nothing, I was too fat, too ugly, too worthless.  I was made to feel like I was nothing...you are NOT nothing, you are NOT worthless!!! Your husband is an abusive man, he may not hit you, but what he is doing is still abuse.  I am divorced twice and am coming up on 9 years in my current relationship.  You can and will find someone else but you don't NEED to.  You are enough all by yourself.  I don't know if you have children or not but trust me your children ARE being affected by witnessing how their mother is being treated if you do.  My youngest daughter, 14 in October, has been in therapy since I left her father in 2008.  She and I have issues because her Father taught her that I was nothing, she didn't have to listen to me, I wasn't worth listening to.  She has other mental issues that stem from all the things he put us through and she and I still struggle with them all these years later.  When I met the man I am with now, I wasn't looking for starters, I was the biggest I had ever been and feeling my most worthless.  I believe my first husband started off this downward spiral, he was a liar, a cheater, and he treated me horribly too. So when I met my 2nd husband I was already feeling worthless and felt like I didn't deserve better so I let the cycle continue with him.  You have to fix yourself first, not talking about the anxiety obviously, you have to decide once and for all you ARE worth more, YOU DESERVE BETTER!  I did, enough was enough with my 2nd, I couldn't and wouldn't take it anymore.  I decided I would rather be alone forever than to put up with him any longer.  Then 6 months later I met the man I have been with for the past 9 years, someone who I thought was out of my league in every way shape and form.  He showed up and showed me that all men are not the same and that I did deserve to be treated better.  I know I don't know you and just told a perfect stranger a lot of things about my life but I feel like you needed to hear it to understand there is hope, you can get out, you can do better, you do deserve better, and you ARE NOT WORTHLESS!!!

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Hi Rachel

rhank you for you messages.....I know it must sound like I'm slating him but I can't talk to family, his family or friends..I have none of my own friends...as there all his friends..I feel if I was strong enough to leave I would lose everything my house, the friends I do have because there his mates wife's...no I don't have children he desperately wants them but how can I,

how can I have children with someone who has no respect for me, someone who is aggressive and drinks every night, I grew up seeing my mum and dad rowing because of the way my dad drank, I would be wrong to....I'm 32 now if I left I would literally be alone, and I can honestly say that scares me more than anything, no children no his bad no house no friends...and I would feel a failure have I wasted the past 9 years of my life, what if he is fit no one would want me Bacause I'm fat and ugly!!!

my therapist has already said he isn't the root cause of my health anxiety but is he def part of it now...I had a massive panic attacks last week I was at home alone and I ended up calling an ambulance...when he came home he did not once give me a hug and say all is ok, instead he made a ridiculous comment 😒

Im so pleased you have finally found someone who can treat you with respect and love you for you. 😀

I love the sound of the journal I'm going to give it ago...do you find other things helped you?

xx

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I wish I could just give you a big hug right now...I understand your fear and the feeling of being stuck.  I stayed for much longer than I should have for that exact reason.  Our friends were his friends and his family, I lost most of them when we split.  I found out they weren't really my friends anyway, they knew how he was and even his sister told me she didn't know how I could stay with him and how she would've left her man if he treated her that badly.  Of course it all changed when I actually left. I had anxiety before I met him but he made it worse just like your husband is making it harder on you. I know you are "stuck" right now but you can get unstuck, you have to choose to do it for yourself.  I know you don't want to be alone, nobody really does, and I know you asked what if he is right and you are too fat and ugly to find someone else, but that is how he controls you and keeps you stuck.  I am over 300lbs right now, this heaviest I have ever been in my life and I was over 250 lbs when I met my current hubby.  Being fat or overweight or obese, whatever you want to label it doesn't make you ugly or unlovable just for the record...but I had all those same questions as I am a human female with tons of self doubt.  You can find someone who will love you at any size or any number on the scale, you just have to believe you deserve it.  It took me YEARS to believe it myself so I understand you can't just snap your fingers and believe.  From what I can see in your profile picture you are a beautiful lady who has been broken down for years...you have to make the decision to start building yourself back up.  It isn't easy, heck the easy thing is staying stuck, the hardest thing I ever did was take my kids and leave him.  I really hope that you find the happiness deserve and I will keep you in my prayers.  If you ever need to talk, feel free to reach out to me here. 

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thank you so much...i actually read this crying because I know your right...i need to get myself in a place mentally i mean where im happy how can i expect someone else to love me if I don't....i have already started making small changes i.e having my wages paid into my own accoubt which he was not happy about but it's a start for me to try get back the independence i have lost...thank you for sharing your story too im just glad I'm not the only one out there who is or has suffered

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And I never answered your question about what else works for me, not a lot unfortunately. Hot baths with Epsom salts to help relieve the tenseness in my muscles, since anxiety likes to tighten everything up and then feeling tight feeds the anxiety it does help at times. Also smelling things LOL like essential oils, candles, air freshener, anything that smells good to me really. I keep 2 sprays in my car, I give it a squish when feeling tense in traffic. Then my house is like a candle shop, I use was melts because part of my OCD is that I'm always worrying about how I smell, how my house smells, IDK just one of my things LOL. When I'm feeling extra weird I sniff one of my favorite scents. Lavender is not a scent I like personally but it is great for stress and relaxing but honestly I find things like peaches or cupcakes are my happy smells, my all time favorite is called iced lemon poundcake and I can't do without it.

I've tried herbs, nothing really worked for me but st John's wort and Valeria root are recommend highly for anxiety. Again good luck to you.