My boyfriend and I have been together for over 8 years. We've lived together for most of the time and although we have some rocky spots I feel like we are good for each other. We are both in our mid twenties. Recently (over the past few months) I noticed him pulling away from me more than usual. He doesn't want to do anything outside of being home. I thought this whole time it was something I was doing and confronted him about it multiple times and he said he will work on it. He smokes marijuana most days which normally doesn't bother me much but he would say that's the reason he never wants to do anything and was trying to wean back off of it. We went to a wonderful fair yesterday and he seemed miserable the whole time. I practically had to drag him out of the house with an argument to get him to come. Today I got really frustrated and told him he is a closed book and that I wish he would communicate with me better. He finally broke down and said he's depressed. He thinks he's always been but right now is the worst it's ever been. He did tell me about 5 years ago he thought he might have depression but never talked about it again and seemed fine. He told me today that he loves me and I'm the most important thing to him but nothing in life makes him happy anymore. He said he doesn't know if we can continue in a relationship and try to make me happy when he doesn't even love himself. We both broke down crying and I asked if he wanted to break up. He said he can't take care of me and wants me happy and that if breaking up is what it takes then we should. I told him I love him and want to support and help him and that I believed in him and he should get help. He said he could barely talk to me about this and that seeing a therapist is out of the question and he needs space. He told me if he can't make me happy he can't be selfish and he wants me to be with someone who can make me happy. I told him he makes me happy and that we needed to focus on him and getting him better. He also told me that he didn't know what the future had in store for us and he wasn't sure if he wanted to marry me. Even though he has told me that we will get married several times in the past. We had a long conversation and I ended up leaving for most of the day so he could have time alone. I'm about to go back but this is all so new to me and I need help on how to continue forward.
Oi,
Pode ser que ele esteja lentamente percebendo que não consegue desistir de fumar maconha.
Ele provavelmente é mais dependente do que pensava, e essa percepção está deixando-o mais deprimido, então ele fuma mais etc.
Ele precisa se organizar, com a sua ajuda, se possível.
Você pode acabar sendo arrastado para baixo com ele.
Mike.
Soa muito semelhante à minha própria experiência, mas cheguei ao ponto em que contemplei o suicídio. Falei com minha namorada, que sabia que eu estava deprimido, e percebi que precisava de ajuda. Na verdade, achei mais fácil falar com o meu médico de família do que eu esperava. Ainda estou tentando encontrar o medicamento certo para mim no momento, para que eu possa voltar ao trabalho. Por favor, diga a ele que as coisas vão melhorar, ele só precisa de ajuda, mas a parte mais difícil é admitir que você precisa de AJUDA. Também tente pedir a ele para falar com você sobre tudo: sentimentos, pensamentos, etc. Se ele estiver internalizando tudo, tudo vai explodir em algum momento, o que foi o que eu fiz por quase 20 anos, e isso me causou um colapso total.
You need to get Him off Weed and at about the same time make an appointment to see your Doctor. Weed can cause a depression so to see what is below the drug, He needs to withdraw.
Get Him to see your GP
Good Luck
BOB
Thanks for the info. Any recommendations on how to help him quit smoking marijuana?
Hi ysabella - sorry to read of your dilemma. I was addicted to pot for 20 years, using the drug - and alcohol - to numb myself in the common practice of self medicating. Eventually my world came crashing down. I had to deal with all sorts of issues stemming from an abusive childhood. It took some time and I still crave the pot, but i noticed that when I did have it I would be knee deep in guilt. Your boyfriend needs to decide that he will change and then go get that, not letting anything stand in his way. It will be testing, but there is help out there. See if he would reconsider a counsellor or therapist, as he may well need professional help through this. There is no shame in it - in fact it is the mature approach fo a postive future. As for marriage, I would leave that matter to rest for now. It's a serious life change and the parties need to be clear headed and sincere in that decision. Meanwhile, the best you can do is be supportive, give him space if that's what he wants, but encourage him to deal with his depression because it sounds like he has had it life-long or perhaps it is seasonal. Whichever it is, it will not disappear from his life on it's own, he needs to be active in dealing with it. Best of luck to you both and to your future together.
Oi,
Meu irmão fumou maconha por cerca de 40 anos "ninguém morreu por fumar maconha" era seu grito de guerra. Há 5 anos ele teve que remover parte do seu cérebro.
Ele continuava tendo convulsões e foi a única maneira de pará-las.
Não é mais a mesma pessoa, depois da operação ele começou a viver muito no passado.
Nunca valeu a pena.
Mike.
He broke up with me two days ago. Said he can't be in a relationship with someone when he doesn't love himself. He wants me to be happy and he can't be selfish.. I want to help him but have cut contact form now. Any recommendations?