Well, i went back to work today. Had the shakes til about lunchtime but apart from that my mood was neutral. No ups or downs although i did feel uneasy at times.
Had a 3/4hr meeting with my boss and her boss. They were very understanding. I now have 2 options: carry on working where i am (where i know everyone and they know about the depression, even thou relations between me and and a member of the team is decidedly frosty (on her part), and i know what i'm doing) or move floors for a minimum of 3 months to carry out more repetetive work that i'm not confident on and where no one knows.
I have until the end of the week to decide. There is no pressure either way from management, they have been brilliant.
I know that only i can decide and there are pluses on both sides but am finding it a real dilemma to choose. :?
Thanks for your kind words no celebration but what would you choose?
I've even asked my sister on this one. Am feeling very vunerable at the moment. I'm a natural born worrier and hate upsetting people. Have really taken it out on this person recently by ignoring her so i shouldn't really expect much. The difference is my moods were not in my control, hers are. I just want to be friends again but think i've blown it this time.
Under normal circumstances i could cope with this but its really not helping my recovery and the 'wobbles' are returning. Maybe a break would be best?! Pathetic isn't it?
Bravo getting back to work and surviving the first day...sounds like you did brilliantly. The shakes are a perfectly normal reaction to being nervous. Dont worry about them one bit, the fact that you didnt faint or be sick means you are much more in control of your feelings than you may think.
Your boss sounds great, understanding is such a great thing to have. Similarly to NC, I know which option I would choose....but its your choice not ours. If like me you have a bad memory and short attention span due to the flu, i would stay within the role i know how to do...just so i can get back into the swing easier and be more comfortable. The lesser the pressure you can put on yourself, the better.
Im not sure how best you can deal with this person you have potentially upset, I know I have alienated many people due to my condition and the way I have chosen to get back to being normal with them is with an old fashioned cup of tea and a chat.
MP - i would agree with everyone and stick to what you know as you dont want to have added stress at this time learning something new and plus if you are like me and a few other my memory is shocking recently and my attention span is not much better but the choice is yours and only you will know whats best for you. Good luck let us know what you choose x
I have now made my choice. Against all your advice (which i didn't know about til i got home as i can't get this site at work) i've decided to go with option 2 and move to a different floor.
A good friend of mine who i used to sit next to moved up to this other team about a month ago. He was severely stressed when was in my current team. Now, after a long chat with him today, he says he is far more relaxed, his migraines are virtually nil (he used to have 1 or 2 a week). He has convinced me that i will enjoy working up there. There is no pressure like there is where i am now, no phones ringing etc.
The girl where i am now is seriously doing my head in (used to do his head in too) as she is a moody mare at the best of times. I cannot cope with her much longer.
As to day 2 of work - the day started poorly. Really did not want to get out of bed. The shakes again til lunchtime. Feel i'd slipped 4 rungs down the ladder and by the end of the day only climbed up 2! Knew my level mood would not last. After a brisk walk round the park at lunchtime my mood was boosted a bit but not as much as i'd hoped.
I cannot remember how to do the simplest things re: work and the F word has been used quite frequently which i had to constantly apologise for.
Frustration and annoyance are my biggest bugbears at the moment. It's so bloody unfair. Why me?
Further to my previous post and because my memory is so cr*p - the work i will be doing is not alien to me and will help in my development at work. I will receive a weeks training along with other souls i know. Apparently the training is not major stuff and i know the trainer well.
Most people at work have been so supportive, caring and sympathetic and willing to share their experiences of near depression.
I will be visiting our in - house counselling and support officer next week.
That's something i had not thought of but my boss went to see her to see if there was anything she (my boss) could do for me. How brilliant and thoughtful is she?
If the NHS counselling is put back again i will seriously consider a local to work private counsellor who means tests patients (£10 - £30). She got this info also.
Well, one more day of this week to go and then 1 more week in my current team with the moody and icy one. Spoke to her partner today. He and i go way back. He used to be my boss when we worked in London.
I really need the counselling soon. Well enough rambling for now.
So you've made the decision to change departments - good stuff. Im glad you've explained further about it as I was under the impression it would be all new people and much stranger surroundings and workload....good luck to you, im sure it will be great.
Also, it would seem you will be getting away from the \"Ice-Queen\" and a frantic atmosphere with the phones. Do you have any jobs going there for me - my office can be a nightmare from time to time as I sit next to the receptionist.
Your boss sounds amazing, to have looked into all that stuff for you means they want you to get better asap and will support you all the way. It can only be good and speed up your recovery and journey back to normality.
You will have to keep us informed how the counselling goes, i have found it to be extremely beneficial and hope you will also.
Things have improved slightly, thanks to you and my sister.
You're right about Ice Queen/Maiden. Won't be on the same floor as her. Some of the people i'm working with now (who i get on with) will also be moving.
My work is linked with property market so things are a bit worrying at the moment. The project where i'm going had work initally for 2 years but if the main work dries up it won't last that long. Sadly there are no jobs available, they are looking for voluntary redundancies but not at my grade (yet) . A lot of the work will be fully computerised in a couple of years so less staff will be needed anyway. Have been with the company for nearly 25 years at different sites.
My boss's best friend is manic depressive so she has more understanding than most. She comes over as being quite hard but has a seriously soft side.
Thanks again for taking time to reply. It's much appreciated. Must eat something now.
Again, I agree with HT, I thought you would be all alone on the new floor, but if you have a friend then that makes sense! Hope it does owrk out for the best.