Hi everyone, I've been dating my boyfriend for over six months. I love him so much and he's the best person I have ever met. He was diagnosed with depression 3 months ago by a psychiatrist and he's in medication. There are constant fights in our relationship, since he takes everything personally, and sees only the negative side of everything. Every week, we have the same discussion over and over, in which he accuses me of "not loving him" and "not doing enough for him". I constantly show him my love for him and reassure him about it. He just doesn't believe me. He blames me for everything and makes me feel guilty. I try not to take things personally (since I know depressed people say hurtful things without truly meaning them). He becomes a completely different person. Recently, this fights have become more and more frequent and hurtful. He constantly ignores me (making me feel awful). I love him very much and I believe that I have been really patient but I'm starting to feel I'm losing my mind. I'm worried all the time, I feel lonely, sad, angry and frustrated. I even feel guilty for feeling all of this emotions when I know depression is a serious medical condition. I love him so much and I want to be with him forever. I just don't know how to cope with the depression while he constantly pushes me away. Last week he decided he will not be taking any more medication, which worries me very much because his medication had been showing positive effects on his behavior. I feel so alone and helpless. What can I do?
I think whilst you are worried about hurting his feelings or making his depression worse you need to tell him how you feel. Depression will change a person however you’ve got to think about your own mental health. I was with a guy who suffered quite badly with his mental health and although I didn’t realise it at the time, he was making my own mental health deterioate to the point I tried to take my own life. Even after getting home from the hospital he came to visit me and within twenty minutes he was talking about how bad his life was and how much he wanted to end it. Please look after yourself, if hes not chosing to help himself then you need to help yourself.
In my point of view, now you have a good opportunity to test your kindness, humanity and also you can develop your qualities. Everyone (more than 99.9) works for themselves. some one can say im working for others, but most of the times they think they work for others but still its not true. they do it because of for their happiness. here if you can treat him in good manner while he is rejecting you, it will be a great thing and you have to accept some pain. i feel you are a great person because you have done something for him. it is great. i respect you.
Depression is not just a illness. you cant treat for symptoms. you have to find the root cause. why he got depressed and solve the problem. but he may not know the exact reason that’s why he was unable to manage his stress. since he don’t like to take medicines, talking therapy and meditation is the only option. Meditation is good for every one. try breathing meditation follow Buddha’s teachings. if he suffer from severe depression someone have to make his mind to go for treatments.
give your first priority to keep your mind clam. then find possible options.
Thank you for you’re reply. I’ll try to look out more for myself. I feel very confused since one day he loves me passionately and the next day he pushes me away and says hurtful things. Either he’s really happy or he’s really depressed.
The Doctor, his parents and me, are trying to convince him on taking his medication. The problem is, he’s really stubborn and he’s in a really bad place right now. He doesn’t want anything, everything everyone says is wrong for him. His parents literally had to drag him to the psychiatrist because he wouldn’t go. Even before, when he did wanted an appointment, he didn’t follow the doctor’s advice (exercise, meditation, yoga, etc).
Thank you for reaching out and telling us your experience. I totally understand what you’re saying and I’m sorry you had to experience that.
Every time I try to tell him how I feel, he either starts getting depressed or starts telling me that I’m a selfish and self-centered person. This really hurts me since I feel that I can’t say anything.
How can I cope with his depression? How can I cope with being mistreated? How can I stop taking things personally?
Absolutely right. Great reply. x
Hi just because someone has depression it doesn’t mean they can treat you like this. Ok I get the pushing away bit but being selfish and treating you like c..p isn’t part of the illness but maybe part of the reason he is depressed in the first place if you see what I mean.
To give you an analogy if someone is an angry person for example and they get a dog, they remain an angry person but just with a dog and this just gives them more excuses to be angry, maybe at other dog walkers. Do you understand what I am saying? x