My ex-boyfriend is pushing me away

Mental health
1

I need advises I don't know what to do anymore...

I met my ex-boyfriend last year in July and since then we have been spending almost every day together. He told me after few weeks that he was suffering from PTSD and also in few occasions he talked about his trauma.

He was planning our future together, I met his parents, children, family and friends. He put me on the centre of his life and this was the same for me. Our relationship had its highs and lows.

He never said he loves me, he says he cant feel love or feelings like missing someone.

In september last year we had an argument and he asked me to leave his flat. I started to study about PTSD and I came to a realisation that he wanted to stay with me. He was pushing me away. I have been sending texts,calls I have been to his place but with no luck, I wrote him a letter too.

In one of his text after we broke up he says that it was difficult for him to deal with his PTSD and also with me.

This didnt stop me, I didnt give up on him, deep inside I know he feels something for me. He came back last December, he told me that he coudl not give me anything, but that he wants to talk with me.

After that I have been sending  texts saying that I will wait for him, That I know he feels something for me...that I will not give up on him.

Few days ago it was my birthday and I sent a text saying if he wanted to go for something to eat as it was my birthday. No reply.

I sent another text the same day, as I was really hurt, saying that I have failed to make him happy. no reply.

I dont know what to do.. does he care about me? or maybe I should give up. I dont want to give up in one side, but in the other I feel I am really suffering. I love him so much and I miss him.

In September last 

2

Oh, how my heart hurts for you, love! You have been the rock in his stormy sea, no he's chosen to stand on the shore instead. I've suffered from PTSD for several years an it has changed my perspective of the world, but it's never changed how I feel about the people around me. If anything, it's made me charish my friends and family even more. I'm only going on what you've said here, but, a relationship is a two way street, and it seems that you're doing all the work. I think you need to find a good counselor, and so does he. You don't move in with someone, make them a part of your family, start planning a future, but, all the while telling you he can't feel love. That's BS. Then one day just decide that you have to move out. As hard as it's going to be, I think you have to walk away. YOU are more than this. YOU deserve better. Delete his number,, cry, scream, throw darts at his picture, do whatever you need to to start healing. Call your best friend, call your Mom. And above all you need to start right now telling yourself, I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS HAPPINESS!

He blew you off on YOUR birthday!!! How obnoxious!!! How selfish! How unbelievable!!!

 Love, you shouldn't be worried about making him happy. 

 He's making you miserable, and if he truly felt anything for you, anything at all, he would be trying to make you happy. 

I know where you are right now. I know only too well that huge crushing, aching, emptiness inside. That churning feeling in your stomach. That knot in your chest that spreads to your throats and it makes it hard to breathe. And you always feel on the verge of tears. 

I honestly wish that I could take this pain from you. 

You sound like a wonderful, caring, compassionate woman, who deserves so much better. 

I wish you all the best. 

🌹💜💜💜🤗🌸💕🌼

3

My husband has PTSD and ADHD . I love him very much and have been trying everything possible to help his cope with his symptoms ..... for a very long time . He is willing to work at it but he just doesn't seem to be aware of a lot of his feelings and reactions. It's gotten to a point where I have to ask myself if this is healthy for me and the kids . It's not that he is abusive or anything , he just doesn't seem tone able to move forward . I feel in your situation that he has put space between you two that you should leave it that way . It's really hard to leave someone you love but he needs to get the help to move on . He likely doesn't even know how he feels about you , he has so many intense emotions ( I am assuming ) that he is struggling with. You don't want to enter a relationship that needs so much work before is even gets started . You can be a supportive friend , but I think that's where it should stay for now . My marriage has been very much a caretaking relationship .

4

Hi Emily,

Thank you so much for your kindest words. I feel he is scared and is not ready to see me. I agree with you I need to respect his space and I will not contact him, unless he will.

I love him so much and I will not give up on him, he knows that.

I have faith and I will wait.

5

You need to move on I feel of course that is your decision.

If this person is suffering PTSD and the situation happened when young at home or school, His feelings will be very cold to those around Him and reationships I feel may be clinical without emotion.

Your situation has been a problem now for about four month and yes you miss Him, you need to understand this situation is not beneficial for you and you need to ask yourself what sort of Life you would have together even if you managed to get back together again.

You have researched His condition, yes the problem can be suppressed, although the problem will always be there

Whatever you decide, we are here

BOB

6

I know that feeling , and it's just time that will tell. You never know when that time or experience will happen that will help him recognize or see the path he needs to take to heal . It doesn't help that there is not a lot of help out there . He needs to find that person that is able to figure out his exact needs . I truly believe that if I keep reading and learning and being patient enough that my husband will see how the horrible experiences he had during his childhood impact every thought , feeling and reaction effects every relationship and experience he has . I will keep trying as long as he does . I am very open with the kids and make sure they know that sometimes when he reacts in a way that seems irrational , that they tell me and we talk about it , to make sure they don't internalized things that my husband may say or do that is a reaction from his traumatic past . But it is hard , and very frustrating and often I feel like a terrible person if I feel angry. But , that where we are at , and relationships are the hardest thing to maintain for even the healthiest person . You just have to trust your yourself and now when it's time for a break. But I think you already recognize that and are doing the best you can.

7

Hi Tracey,

Thank you so much for your nice words I have really appreciated.

I am the only person who knows that he is ill. I can't leave him on his own.

I am a Buddhist and I do believe that with my prayers I can go behond this wall. I know he feels something for me, but he doesn't know how to express his feelings and I know when he did not reply to my messages and he didn't wish me happy birthday he suffered.

I have lots of faith and I will not give up yet.

Thank you xxx

8

I forgot to mention that he is on therapy, for now I didn't see any counsellor but I might consider it in the future.

9

I have suffered this , I just wouldn't let go even though there was no relationship , I thought I depended on him but No I was much better off away from him I can think straight got much more done , and best of all he can't make me feel unwanted ever again ...

10

I'm sorry but P.T.S.D. or not a person should still have manners. He could of messaged you on your birthday saying he could not make it and hoped you had a nice day.

P.T.S.D. does NOT make a person selfish and that is what he is.

You need to take a step back. It sounds like you are co dependant.

Take up opportunities to socialize so that you do not dwell on him.

When he contacts you say that you tried but obviously it didn't work so what would he like from you?

Could you settle for just being friends and you both date other people?