I had my fourth child four years ago, she is my husbands first child. He loves her dearly but his patience is non existent. She knows exactly what buttons to press and he just can't ignore her. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells all the time. I suffer with PTSD, and one of the major symptoms of that for me is anxiety. I've tried explaining to my husband that he makes me feel like I'm constantly on high alert just waiting for something to happen. Even the sound of his voice makes my stomach tighten. I wake up every morning with chronic stomach ache, which is caused by my stress levels shooting up as soon as I wake up. It's definitely been worse these last couple of weeks as my husbands has been at home. I'm curious to see if it gets better once he goes back to work. I've tried talking to him, I just don't know what else to do.
You could seek help from Relate, but any man who gives you this much anxiety just by being in the house is not doing you any good.
What does he do to his child, exactly, that worries you so much? And where are your other three children?
If your husband knows you're anxious he should be trying to help you.
love Tess xx
I too have started getting anxious around my spouse and it came down to me packing some of his things because he simply would not discuss it without blowing up.
I had to sit myself and tell myself, this is no good for our children. We have three boys and our oldest, who was 12 at the time, passed away.
It will take you, literally, only you can do this, sitting down with yourself and saying enough. You have a right to say this is not healthy, be helpful or phrase step out of the way, I have babies to raise.
I realise my way isn't for everyone but I was at rock bottom and too felt anxious everyone I had to talk with him about certain subjects, important subjects.
Best of wishes and keeping you in my prayers <3
I couldn't agree more. Very succinct, Tess. I couldn't quite grasp what and why he was stressing her out.
Please not phrase. LOL, I didn't check my words 
Did you leave him in the end, then, Lilly?
Or did he agree to go to counselling?
This was actually the night before last, he is coming back today so we can talk. Yes, I do agree some form of counseling is needed and that will be grounds for returning. I never want our children to see me like that again. What's that teaching them, to be our keep a prisoner of their own house, in later years? I most certainly wool not raise children to be apart of that cycle
Or* and will* I really need to proofread
You must do what is best for you and your children.
I left a husband who terrified and beat me - seven times - and went back, like an idiot.
Finally left him 1990. I am now remarried to a great bloke.
IS there any violence, verbal or otherwise, in your marriage/ Do you feel that the child is at risk from her father?
I agree 100%, so very proud of you for making that move. It was a brave and seemingly rewarding decision.
There's no physical violence. He gets verbal. I don't like shouting or confrontation of any kind and frightens me. It's just how quickly he flares up. He has been known to punch doors and walls in his temper. It makes me so sad because other than this he's such a kind, generous, and loving man. He's only been like this since we had our daughter. She was a difficult baby because we discovered she was dairy intolerant and she would cry all night. He has zero patience when our daughter is playing up.
He gets verbal and has at times gotten right into her face. My other children are much older. My eldest no longer lives at home. The ones who live at home are 18 and 12. It just makes me sad because he is such a lovely man normally, but he just has zero patience with our daughter when she's being naughty/a typical four year old.
Does it not worry you that he's only been like this since your daughter was born? That he has zero patience when she is distressed? What happens when wall and door no longer suffice? He might turn that temper on you or worse. There's no excuse for his behaviour, none whatsoever,
I wish you well, I truly do and I feel very, very sorry for you,
I truly do not believe that he would ever hit me or my daughter. I know that's hard to believe, but I've put him through a lot with my PTSD and he's never raised a hand to me. He's more of a verbal person. It's more to do with his attitude. I don't want us to separate, I want him to see what he's doing and change it. I find myself taking the blame for things that my daughter has done just so he won't say anything. He seems to moan about everything so I try to make sure he has nothing to moan about. My anxiety levels are constantly at a high level so it doesn't take much to tip me over the edge to be honest. But he just doesn't seem to be sympathetic to that.
Oh sweetie I'm so sad for you and so sorry! Living on your nerves is no way to live, being on tenterhooks, I don't have an answer for you, only you know the answer. But to me, deep down you sound frightened of his anger. Taking the blame for your daughter's mishaps to divert that anger towards you. What is that teaching your child? I don't know. I'm not qualified to help, I only wish I were. You don't want to seperate but you want him, essentially, to change. I fear that's not going to happen. I send hugs.
Im going to be very blunt and honest. Your husband most likely has a narssistic personality disorder. Im sure he belittles you, blames you for things way off range, laughs and mocks you not caring if it hurts you or not, not soothing kind of guy. Plays an audience at your expense at times im sure.If you trigger his ego or his way or his plans he will be off a his little npd rage sort of speak, they target compassionate people. They target who will actually even put uo woth their crap. To me it like they are emotional fice year olds. Yet they can function fine in the world, hold down jobs and be nice to their work peers. They know right from wrong. They just feel this is their world.he wont chnage hahaha. He cant. Ince in a while he will feel he annoyed you a bit too much and back off the. Go right back into himself. They are very hard to treat because they really dont think they are off or wrong. Its a toxic lifestyle. You most definetly always had high anxiety levels and that also comes with comdepency and neediness and a hugher tolerance level as a result. He isnt really going to wake up or change but if you stand the dance sort of speak its a toxic relationship that can last.
He went thru ptsd with you as it made him feel stronger and he felt you would get better anyway. It made you more co dependent and needy of him. So yes hed stay for that. I know it sounds cruel but search narcissistic personality disorder and being married to one. I think youll learn a lot. What you do in the end is what you can tolerate. Many stay and deal and dance the toxic dance. I had a father like this i watched it play out. He was bright, worked and functioned but he was toxic. My mother stayed. Sold her soul is how i viewed it, but i understood it. Life can be hard in yiur oen and it easier with someone who provides everything for you. I somehow understood it. Codependency can make a person do things they never thought they would. Thats what your doing. I am not trying to be mean im being honest and blunt. Without a doubt you had anxiety issues before you married him. Whether you knew it or not they were there.
You hit the nail on the head, Lisa! I do feel she's in denial but men like that are manipulative. I do wonder if he's jealous of his child? Now he doesn't have her undivided love and attention. Guys like that are all about control
I've always had anxiety issues it started when I had my first child at 18. Something traumatic happened and it changed my life. They think that's when my PTSD was triggered. But to be honest I've always been an emotional person because of my childhood.