I'm literally crying over having to go back to work tomorrow. I've had 2 weeks off, which have gone quickly and have been wasted but the break was nice and knowing tomorrow I have to go back to a hostile company I hate, dealing with obnoxious snobby customers and feeling isolated by colleagues gives me great anxiety and dread. I feel extremely uncomfortable there and turn to strong painkillers to ease my mind so I can function and work properly. Since working there (5 months ago) the "pill popping" has increased to daily, taking 4 pills a day total. I am NOT proud of it. It makes me so disappointed in myself because I hate what I've become and I hate feeling so helpless. I'm to the point where I'm afraid, not knowing why. Most days I end up crying at work. I have no friendship or relationship with those I work with and cannot feel comfortable around them. There's even an awkwardness with my manager who only talks to me to criticise and complain, and just before my holiday she gave me an informal warning. I've had many jobs before this but never had this issue or felt so hopeless at work.
I don't know if it's me or the job. I'm 21 and will be off to uni in September so need something I can do in between, but I'm not sure if I can take another 8 months there. I know I could find another job but really don't have the drive or confidence at the moment - which is also unlike me. I have a mild/moderate stutter, so the job interview fear is real af!!
Really don't know what to do anymore. Also, I'm on 10mg Citalopram for nearly 6 weeks, which I'm not sure is even working.
Oh dear. I can see myself in you at that age. Terrible crappy jobs so earn some money to pay for school. Sometimes I didn’t know how I would get through the day either. The thing that helped me is knowing it was only temporary. 8 months is a tiny blip of time and I would tell myself That i would look back on it in the future and be glad it was now over. Everything is a learning experience. Think of what you are learning about yourself going through this experience and using that to move on and never do it again. I have felt very isolated in jobs before and it is soul destroying especially if the job is crap. It really helped me to just take one day at a time, say to myself I am an awesome person and it’s your loss if you aren’t my friend. Having that attitude really helped my mood and happiness cuz you are awesome and why shouldn’t you belive that! If you are that bad you should really leave. I ended up leaving an office job I hated and doing landscaping before uni and working outside with people and I loved it. I hated dealing with people, but through crappy jobs and experiences I have a job I love and I don’t let other people get me down. I look back on times like you’re describing and laugh at the experience at how great it was to learn that about myself, take that knowledge and make sure I didn’t go through it again. Everything is only temporary, just keep telling yourself that. You’re only 21!!!! So much fabulous time ahead! You have to stop taking the painkillers. That is a downward slope and only makes it worse. Just take one day at a time! Make plans to look forward to! Start planning your uni adventure! Check out the campus and find out what you’re gonna to get involved in once you’re there! Just cash you pay Cheques and don’t look back. Please keep your chin up! Let me know how you’re doing. X
Hi. Firstly 10mg is a low dose but having been on it for 6 weeks you should be able to increase it. Speak to your Dr. You can go either 2 ways. Stick it out. Know it's not you that They Are obviously a not nice bunch if people to work for and focus on anything positive. Or leave. Find another job. If it's making you feel this I'll and you are turning to pills is it worth it. You will.know deep down what is the best path for you. Either way you have to do what you think is best and what you are comfortable with. Definitely see your Dr though
It's probably the job. I am in my mid 40's and my first professional career job messed me up back in my 20's. I was too nieve to figure it out back then but I now realize that I was so good at my job the coworkers felt threatened by me including my boss. The more I got put down the harder I worked to prove I was competent. This only made matters worse. I worked at that place for three years and I totally regret that I staid that long. It was so high pressure that I can't even slow down and relax at any job anymore. If I had a do-over button I would chill because I am young or find a job with less stress because it was not worth the cost of staying. My boss purposely wanted me gone because he wanted his son who was also my age to take over his position in the company when he retired. The problem was that I was much better at every task. My point is don't take work personally, people have hidden agendas you may not be aware of. I quit and gave my two weeks notice. On my last day, the boss called me into his office and told me "I am surprised it took you this long to quit" and admitted he always hated me and that he was a jerk on purpose. Hope you feel better soon.
University of Northern Iowa? I don't like my job either but we are hiring. Lol they pay more than they used to. I hate formal warnings. Grr. I totally understand.