Hi everyone. This site has been such a help for me on my second time on Citalopram. Had it not been for so many of the great insights and stories provided here, my journey would have been much more tumultuous.
So I wanted to tell you my story and give some other people struggling some hope. Hope that you can get better, that you will get better.
I went back on Citalopram after experiencing similar anxiety symptoms to the first time. It’s all a long story, but it was kinda a sleep deprivation, parenting anxiety with 2nd child on the way and previous anxiety and depression PTSD thing.
10mg had worked last time, but after 10 weeks and not feeling any improvement, I went up to 20mg. It was harder the second time around, having been on it previously I had on top of just those frustrating, illogical anxious thoughts about just about everything (seriously, I was even getting mildly anxious over what spread to put onto my kid’s sandwich for his daycare lunch) also anxiety of why I wasn’t responding like I did the first time. Was it working, had I done the right thing, around and around it went. And just like last time, there were days in the early weeks where suicide felt like the only way to make it end.
It has taken me 6 and 1/2 months to be where I am now. For about a month I’ve been back to my normal self. I’m able to sit still and relax, I’m not having anxious thoughts about anything and everything, and I’m no longer going around in agonising, anxious circles about my recovery. In that 6 and a bit months, I think I’ve experienced every possible setback. So here’s what I found during my recovery:
- Exercise is critical - I did 30 mins jogging twice a week at least - it made a huge difference to my recovery and my lack of it while on 10mg was maybe why that dose didn’t work this time
- Don’t do this without a Psychologist - I didn’t click this time with traditional CBT, instead I was lucky to find an experienced psychologist in Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and tapping and hypnosis - for me that was some truly powerful stuff
- If you’re exercising and start to see little glimpses of improvement in the first 8 weeks then stick with that dose and stick with it for at least 4, probably 6 months
- It seems a lot of people on here took about 6 months to fully recover, I did too
- Take your meds within an hour of the same time each day - being regularly inconsistent with the time you take your dose will reduce Citalopram’s effectiveness
- Do your best to not dwell on things like Are these meds working? Am I feeling better yet?
- Missing one dose or accidentally double dosing once seemed to be ok
- Missing more than one dose will set you back at least a week
- Don’t leave your meds all day, even if they’re in a bag, in a hot car - it absolutely kills their potency and I found out the hard way after a week on what were effectively dead tablets - withdrawal symptoms big time
- The early weeks are hard, increased anxiety and worry, on and off depression, fatigue - if you can, take the first 3 weeks or so off from work and have a plan in mind to keep yourself somewhat busy each day - building Lego, doing odd jobs around the house, video games helped me
- Blips will happen - I got them throughout the 5 and 1/2 months, you’ll feel like you’re regressing and the meds aren’t working - but the blips don’t hit as hard each time and they get shorter, I found some comfort in feeling and knowing that each blip
- Insomnia was a problem for me, but I found just doing what I normally did before going to bed before I was all anxious worked better than all the sleep tricks and techniques I’d mucked about with - it was almost like those techniques were priming my anxiety over sleeping - what I used to do worked so I went back to that
- As a male I’m naturally inclined never to share my feelings and struggles with anyone (it’s just how we’ve evolved unfortunately) - don’t do that - have at least one person you can talk with about this piece of evil that is anxiety and depression
I really, truly hope some of what I’ve said helps and provides some inspiration to those of you at various stages of recovery. It’s great to finally be back to me, and back to being able to enjoy life with my wife and two kids. Especially the kids. I’m that dad that’s hopping on the water park slides with his kids and goofing off just as much as them. Anxiety took that from me, and I’m so glad to have that back.
Ask me questions, I’d love to talk.
Dave
