Negativity is ruining my life and I don't know what to do!

Mental health
1

Hey guys,

Right so this is gonna be a ramble, but i'm at my wits end. I'm pretty much on the way to destroying my long-term relationship because my partner can't cope with me anymore. He's had a ton of patience and understanding for nearly a year but nothing is changing and he's had enough, even I've had enough, of me! 

I just wondered if anybody else has similar things and what on earth do i do about them? It's been like this most of my life due to some unsettling childhood experiences (death of a parent at 14...and so on) and if i don't act now then i feel i may as well give up on life, buy a ton of cats and never open the door to anyone because this is driving me crazy and i don't know how to combat it alone.

So, here goes the list: ALL help is greatly recieved!

I always over think things, in a negative way. I also always think in a negative way generally.

I have a severe fear of tiredness. I always feel it and it now rules my life - For example I won't go out on a weekend to 

see friends etc because i'm too scared it will cause me to be tired.

If someone is mad at me, I just get MORE mad at them so then I’m the one in control and they have to work to 

make me not mad at them anymore.

If someone says something like “you’re too argumentative” even if I know it's true, I will get angry and have a go at them.

I’ve come to a sort of conclusion that my mind is my enemy and all of my negative thoughts are irrational, 

but it doesn’t stop me from being hurt/upset from them. I’ve convinced myself not to trust myself, but during an argument I 

always try to prove I'm right even if, deep down, I know that I'm not.

When I’m happy/laughing I’m extremely happy, but my mood can change for ANY reason and extremely fast. Ex. 

If someone says my laugh is weird, or if they look at me funny.

I try and attribute all of these irrational thoughts to something else. Ex. I haven’t got enough sleep, 

I’m hungry, I’ve been working a lot, etc. But I am starting to realize that these thoughts are consistent. 

I ruin relationships with my constant negativity, and I make problems where there are none present, for example I'll create an 

argument over something tiny then the argument will esculate, I will storm off, and it takes my boyfriend ages to prompt me 

to apologise. Sometimes I forget why the original argument started. 

I have problems with sticking to a job, I didn't stay in a job for more than 3 months until 2013 - I then lost that job late last 

year due to being unproductive, since then i had loads of good interviews but never went to any of the jobs, instead i

opted to be a cleaner, the low responsibility, low hours and constant change of environment helps me stick to it, plus the 

independence, but now i'm struggling to stick to that and am cancelling cleans alot and loosing clients. 

I always feel ill, every weekend i feel like i catch a cold or flu, my muscles always ache, i never feel refreshed when i wake up

and feel like i don't sleep whereas normally i've slept like a log all night - this contributes greatly to the fear of tiredness

i have and also to not going to work etc, i don't feel good. Sometimes i think if the tiredness went away then i would be

able to be more positive because i would have more energy. I've been tested for everything possible at the doctors and everything

says i'm perfectly healthy and has come back normal.

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Angiety and depression association of america ,look it up excellent

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Hi....well the negativity and irrational thought is a side effect of anxiety and depression and you are suffering from both.  If you want to save your relatiionship then you need to see a doctor and perhaps get some counselling as you cannot go on as you are. Be pro-active and seek some help.

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Hi Vikki, 

I used to be the most negative person going before I learned some useful tips on how to change my thinking. 

Firstly, negativity can be a habit; but it is a habit that you can change. 

Start talking to yourself in a more positive manner. (For instance, instead of tellling yourself that you can't do something, tell yourself that you can). I truly believe that thinking negatively can make these negative actions more likely to happen; as your mind will work things in a way that ensure that what you expect to happen will. 

For instance... if you keep telling yourself that your relationship will fail, it will fail - because you will subconsciously drive your partner away. (Now, I'm not saying that being positive about a relationship means that it runs no chance of finishing - as a relationship needs 2 people trying, to make it work; but you will stand a better chance of it succeeding if you act positively about situations, not negatively). 

I wonder whether your fear of tiredness if more linked to a fear of anxiety or depression? I say this as years ago, if I was having a bad time, I would try to take my mind off it by going out drinking (I never drank a lot, but enough to calm me down and take my mind off things - while out with my friends). However, I now find that I can't enjoy a night out drinking the same as I once did; because I attribute this activity with bad / negative times in my life. Could this be the same sort of thing with you do you think? 

I think you also need to ask yourself why you HAVE to win every argument? Some arguments just aren't worth it - learn when to pick your battles. Arguing like this takes a lot of energy as well. Be honest with yourself - is it just merely down to stubbornness, or is something else going on? What would happen if you did back down on an arguement? 

Regarding your job-side of things, I think you need to start talking to yourself about what would happen if you lost this job? What else would you lose? For instance, you would lose your income; you could lose a means of social interaction with people; you could lose your independence. 

Also ask yourself what letting your clients down will do to you in the long run... Again, this could affect your income. Plus if any of them are friends, could it affect how reliable they see you as an individual? 

I don't say this to make you feel worse - only sometimes it helps to think how your actions affect, or will affect the people around you.. There are many days that I feel like I would prefer to stay in bed, instead of go to work or do what I have planned; but then I tell myself that will be letting people down and that stops me.

You have to stay strong with anxiety and depression (and negativity can cause depression). If you give into it, it will take over.

Good luck and I hope you manage to sort things out soon.

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I have been through similar to this for 25 years and have destroyed my marriage and wasted years being miserable and angry with the world! I almost lost my life in March 2013 and it had a profound affect on me wanting to recover.... I guess you could say i hit rock bottom and realised i want to live a happy life whatever that looks like. The things you describe sound to me like anxiety and depression but you are at least recognising that there is a problem so it might be time to speak to the doctor. There is alot of help out there, but you have to go and get it! 

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Hello Vikki

You are so right when you say you think your mind is your worst enemy.  That hits the nail on the head where anxiety is concerned.

There are so many aspects:

Feeling insecure

Thinking everyone is better than you

Feeling self-conscious

Having irrational fears

Worrying about how you feel.

The list is almost endless.

So we who suffer anxiety have to somehow come to terms with ourselves and think positive.

Good Luck, don't be afraid to talk this through with qualified people and those closest to you.

 

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Just know that you are NOT alone! I too am a negative kind of person. I tell myself that if I prepare myself for the worst to happen then I won't be so shocked or let down when bad things do happen. I think the reason that I'm like that is that I've had lots & lots of bad experiences in my life so far. I lost my mum when I was only 20. I don't think I'll ever get over that. Then I've had cancer twice so far, once as a 2 yr old (wilms tumour) then breast cancer when I was 34. I've also lost 3 babies through miscarriages :-( so I've not had a good life experience so far. I'm now 46 & have had depression & anxiety for the last 10 yrs. I think it was bought on coz of the chemo I had. I was warned I could get depression but thought I was coping so well with the chemo & radiotherapy & other treatments. Out of the blue I was a complete mess & didn't want to do anything & cried over nothing. Been on various meds since. Effexor, Cipralex (escitalopram) am now on sertraline & am waiting on therapy for the first time since I was diagnosed. I totally understand having a mind that is just sO negative. This is why I've asked for some more help than just meds do s the first time as I feel trapped in a negative frame of mind. Hope you get the help you need & WE CAN DO THIS!!! . Good luck!