Newly diagnosed with genital herpes, help please :(

Sexual health
1

I'm a 25 year old female, always been in long term relationships and never slept around. Two months ago I met the man of my dreams, I changed my life to be with him. Before having sex, we both had a 'full' STI check which came back clean for us both. We didn't realise a 'full' STI check does NOT include testing for herpes.

We live in different countries, I have just been to visit him for two weeks and during the second week (5 days after we first had sex) I got really ill. Fever, aches, tonsillitis and then two small blisters on my vagina. I spent a fortune visiting doctors and eventually had swabs done and got my results monday morning. I am positive for type 2 herpes. Since then i have developed new sores on my vagina. My other half is devastated that he gave it to me, he has never had any symptoms. 

I am devastated. I feel disgusting. Like no one will ever want to be near me again. I feel like I have gone from having everything to offer to being classed as damaged goods. I was so happy the first week we were together, so happy, and when I was ill he was so supportive and kept me going but I was irritable and sick. Now this has happened he is being so supportive and amazing, but I can't get over the fact I now have herpes and I don't know if I even want to be with anyone ever again. I don't think I will ever feel sexy again. My vagina is a mess. I know it will clear eventually, I hope, but I will always be paranoid that it will spread to my face (I know this is unlikely with type 2 but it is possible). How do you even tell someone new that you have herpes !? "Hi, i like you and want to have sex with you but I am prone to cold sores of the vagina, so if we have sex you will probably get herpes" ?!?! No one will ever go for that. Ever. 

I've always been terrified of cold sores and warts. Now I actually HAVE the herpes virus. I can't believe this has happened. I have been taking aciclovir 400mg three times a day for 7 days now and new blisters are still forming. I have another 5 day course courtesy of my trip to the doctors in the uk yesterday when I got home. How long till they stop forming ? I got my first blister 9 days ago now. I also have a really heavy, thin, watery and slightly yellow vaginal discharge. I  mentioned this to the doctor but she said it's normal with herpes. It smells weird. I feel unclean. I feel disgusting. I don't want to leave my bed. I've taken time off work but I have to go back soon. I don't know how I am going to sit at my desk for so long when I have open sores and so much dischage. 

Please help me. I just want someone to talk to. I feel so alone. Any advice on how to get through this would be much appreciated. 

2

hey, i just wanted to say few things!!!

I have been diagonosed few months ago, and i am 20. In the beginning i felt like this was the end of the world and no one will want me but eventually I realize that everyone have their own problems to deal with and this is mine and I am still here healthy and fit and an amazing person thats just a small detail that really sucks so i have to accept it. Recently i found a really good guy and if we get into the direction of relationship i will tell him ofcourse i am not afraid, if he rejects me cuz of that thats perfectly fine, everyone has a choice and i will respect that, yes i will feel crappy but It will pass.  I think you will get ... used to it and u will realise that this doesnt define u as a person cuz i am sure u are an amazing person!!!! If people see u that u are confident no matter what and u believe in urself they will never reject you!!!! Btw if u google it u will see that around 50% of the population have genetal herpes. Its not deadly.. If u stay healthy and strong u may never get an outbreak!!!

To add something the first outbreak is the most serious one and i am saying this from experience the key of not getting a new one is a healthy lifestyle not different drugs! 

I hope i helped u a little bit smile

3

Hey golddd, thanks for replying. Yes, speaking to anyone about this whole thing makes me feel a little better. It's good to be able to discuss with people who are going through the same thing. 

Yes I've been reading about being healthier, I currently work myself into the ground, barely sleep and barely eat. I really have to change my lifestyle now or I am going to be sick all the time. I don't even know where to begin. How did you make changes?

I've been looking at supplements to take too, do you take any? Considering starting on multi vits high in vitamin E and also starting l-lysine if this is available in supplement form. 

I know, and I read somewhere the transmission rates are really low. Hopefully I won't be rejected for life. I hope everything goes well with this person you have met. Have you considered how you will break the news yet? I have no idea how I would do it. Terrifying. 

I know it all could be worse, we could have HIV for heavens sake, but right now, when the news is fresh, it really does hurt that this has happened. 

I'm scared that new blisters will keep forming forever. I'm scared my symptoms will never go away. I'm scared I will never feel normal again. I feel like a light has been switched off. Like something from inside me has been stolen. I am completely deflated and miserable at the moment. I wish I could rewind a couple of weeks to remember what it feels like to be happy. 

4

heyy 

i started taking immune stimulants so i keep myself healthy. The second thing that helped me mentally was i started to box and it starts to become as more than a hobby. I was just angry with myself i felt its my fault that i trusted so much one guy and he let me down. And punching and hiting really helps even tho it sounds weird :d

My advice to you is to start training going to the gym lifting weights, it really does helps with the stress and also u makr ur body strong so those little ________ dont show again. Sometimes i am also afraid when it gets ichy i am like "___ nooot again" but i m just dramatising its still something new to me and we will get used to it. 

So keep ur immune system strong sleep well, eat clean, train and dont think about it and everything will be fine!

About the guy I have to tell, I am gonna start confident not shaking and worrying and starting with " after i tell u this u will probably not want me anymore.." Thats a wrong approach, i will start with " i really care about u and i trust u so i wanna share something with u ..." I am gonna explain everything to him and give him time if he wants to research it or just think and we shall see. Think of it as ur little secret. 

You will be happy give it a time, i am giving it. Its like those things that suck in life but after every bad thing there is something good!

Emis Moderator comment: I have edited this post due to the swearing. These are open forums so as per the T&Cs please do not use offensive language in posts otherwise they may be deleted.

5

Hey golddd,

What immune stimulants do you take? Are those like aciclovir? Do you take that all the time? 

Yes I know, I really need to look after myself as I really don't. I need to change the way I live and sleep more. It's hard because the guy who I am with now lives 11,000 miles away and we have an 11 hour time difference so I want to speak to him when I can. It is difficult. 

I've just spoken to him again and he is so miserable. He can't believe he has given this to me. I don't blame him but I am jealous he gets so symptoms. Oh to be a male ! I want to make it work with him so much. We are just both so down and depressed at the moment so it's really hard. 

If you don't mind me asking, how many outbreaks have you had? I'm so nervous this will never clear. I read I am to expect 6-8 outbreaks in the first year alone. I can't cope with that, no way. 

Your plan sounds good. I've been thinking about how I might tell someone. I read a website that said to change the language. It said to replace the word 'herpes' worth 'coldsores' and 'STD' with 'virus' and 'I have' to 'I get' so you don't have ownership over it all the time. It's all true still, but it makes it seem a little easier to digest I thought. I also read that something like 60-80% of people get cold sores. These people also need to tell new sexual partners they have herpes because obviously oral sex can lead to genital transmission. There are SO many people out there that need to have this conversation. There's a fairly good chance this guy will even have cold sores. (If he does, remember, if you didn't have herpes he would have to tell you the risks about getting infected down there!). 

Crazy. This whole thing is crazy. I'm so mad at the STI clinics. Why don't they test for herpes when so many people have it. No wonder it's an epidemic. Their reasoning is that most people don't get symptoms and finding out you are positive for herpes can have serious negative psychological impacts. I think that is completely unfair. So those with symptoms have to go through it alone. If everyone was tested then there would be so much less stigma attached to it. So much less. So frustrating !!!

6

heyy 

I am not from the uk but i am a student there so basically i live there, however i waited for the spring break to go home cuz in england i probably had to wait a lot and i dont know...... i felt comfortable just going to a doctor back home. So i went to the doctor and she just told me that i just need some immune stimulants doesnt need to be specific for herpes. She gave me a cream to put on its called Aldara, i think its international, its serious cream so i just put it for like 2-3days max. During this perioud i didnt take any pills/drugs things like that, i was very suprise how quickly it went away i felt a burning pain and on the next day it was gone. 

I had so far one outbreak but i am not sure its completly gone there is nothing but ... i guess i am just new in this i know it takes time.

About the immune system thing, there are a lot of things on the market. The thing i have i am not sure u can find it in the uk i am gonna check when i come back but may be it will be similar. U have to look for like vitamins, or pills that their main ingrient is herbs or some things like that not so much chemicals. A lot of pills that have sea plants in them they are a good immune stimulant! If u eat a lot of oranges or grapefruits or if u drink squized lemon juice thats also fine. Look in a different websites for more BIO products, may be there is a store called holland and .. barrets i think.... they may have something cuz they have a lot of suppliments. 

About telling someone- I told my best friend who is a guy and he told me that  if he likes the girl he doesnt care if she has herpes or dont cuz that doesnt really define her in any way, which helped me a lot. I really hate it that guys can deal with the herpes easily and we are more capable of catching it.... 

I am not so sure how to tell the guy (that i told u about) i dont know how to call the .. herpes like virus ,,,,mm dont sound good also.. There is a lot of time until i do it cuz may be things wont work out anyway.. But its something that i think about a lot, i dont want him to think that i am a wh**e. And i never been rejected sooo i have no idea how i am gonna react..

I remember something that i ve been told - Now that u have genetal herpes u can get HIV easily than other people, may be thats not true i am not sure 

 

7

Hey,

Your friend sounds really wise and lovely. I'm glad you have a friend like that that you could tell. I know, so frustrating. I just feel really unclean, I hate the sores and the pain and I am sick of wearing sanitary towels. I must have sores on my cervix as I have the discharge. My other half has literally zero symptoms. So unfair ! 

I know how you feel, I didn't like seeing the doctors when I was abroad the last few weeks. Feel so much better seeing them in your own country. 

Thanks for the insight, I will do a bit more research about diet and supplements. I need to eat more and better, I've gone down to under 8 stone now through just not eating and being miserable. I need more fruit and vegetables. To even eat 3 meals a day would be a big achievement for me. I'm going to try and start each day with a good breakfast. 

I have dragged myself out of bed today, had a shower and feeling more positive. I haven't cried today which is good. Hopefully I will not cry anymore. I am beginning to feel like a normal person again. This illness will not define me in anyway. I am the same as before, I just have to tell people I have sex with now that I have a viral infection that they may also catch. I will tell them everything they need to know. And that is ok. It really is ok. The chances of them catching it are minute if precautions are taken which is really good. 

I found out my brother gets cold sores. It made me feel a lot better knowing someone else in my family has the herpes virus. So much better. 

So many people really have herpes. It's crazy. I think it should be treated differently. I think everyone should be tested for herpes or how can we stop it. 

Even when me and my partner tried to be careful with getting 'full' sti check ups, we didn't know this didn't include herpes. I doubt many people know the test doesn't include testing for herpes. It's not fair that those people who are positive and have no symptoms and don't know they are infected can go on leading normal lives, having unprotected sex and spreading the disease. Everyone should be tested to get it under control. 

Here's praying the work on the vaccine goes quickly and smoothly. The man who made the HPV vaccine is already on phase 2 trials. A vaccine that can help us control our new ailment would make life so much easier. To reduce the shedding rate would be brilliant. To reduce the risk of spreading and catching. That would be amazing. Fingers crossed it comes out relatively soon while we are still young. 

8

Hey i just read your post and was recently diagnosed my self about 2 months ago. I just wondered if you've had an outbreak recurrence in the past 6 months?

It would be great to hear off you, i dont think ive ever been so stressed out in my life!

9

Hi Sara,

I just got tested yesterday and should get my results in a day or so but it's definitely herpes as my symptoms are so bad. I've been put on acyclovir but I'm not sure it's done anything as yet. I'm also taking olive leaf extract after reading about the amazing anti viral properties it has and its ability to obliterate the herpes virus. How are you getting on? When do the initial outbreak sores heal? It's been a week since my symptoms started and I'm not sure how much longer I can cope with this.

10

I understand what your going through. Yesterday my bf and I went to the dr. Because I thought we tore my vagina. There was one sore that didn't hurt and the rest was fine. The dr. Took one look and told us its herpes.... Even though I knew the risks I am sad because before this I was a virgin. My bf is blaming himself  because he had had previous partners. It is now very painful and I'm not sure what to do. My doctor says the blood test will confirm everything on Tuesday which is three days away... I still love him, but I fear for the future especially with having children....

11

I was just diagnosed today. I had symptoms for about a week and went to Dr thinking I had friction burn. I was tested for everyting as a precaution and thank god!!! I got the call today. Needless to say I was devastated but it didnt take long for me to realize that life goes on. My partner and I will cope with this. She had never had any symptoms before and did not even know she had the virus. No matter what I still love her and now we will cope with this as a couple. She cant stop crying and feels ashamed and horrible. I love her to the moon and back and even though this post might be all over the place. I feel better to have spoken about it.

12

This is what worked for me , essential oils like tea tree oil in your bath daily. Epsom salt lemon or Tea tree, plain or whatever you like. Epsom salt is great for the body especially that area. The oils will help to reduce the break outs. Diet is very important now water is your best friend. GREEN FOODS are your friend, less red meat and decrease your dairy intake. Less white substances sugar, bread, pasta. Less artifical intake.Less caffeine, less Bi products cold cuts, hotdogs, outside food, fast food, our body is one huge parasite that feeds on these types of products that we put in our body and certain things can trigger herpes. It now time for you to learn and do you I am sorry that you have gotten something that feels as you said used goods but I am here to say your not used you are beautiful and have been an unwilling receiver because of trust and I can say I have been down this road. It is not fun and it hurts but you will get through it is now up to you whom you want in and around your life you have to feel and look within you cleanse yourself inside and out. If your past nate is still willing to support and love you accept it that is genuine. Give to those who are true not trying to use you and after this experience your emotions are high and low I know this to be true. Time to yourself is necessary time to heal and learning to trust again is necessary. I know this to be true. There is a rainbow at the end good thing is children are not involved and there are no family ties your are not married and can move on. So this.😊 is not all bad once you research and don't take this laying down be your own Voice and Stand up for You. You did not ask for this but you sure don't have to accept it find ways to listen to YouTube clips on essential oil and its benificial use in herpes. Or read article , look up clips on going green or juicing. The benefits of green base diet. Along with your healthy nuts not cashews they are the enemy. Almonds ,walnuts, pistachio. Then Epsom salt and it's benefits. Hope this helps. Stay clear of stress too that can be a high factor. Laugh more and live life also if your religious praying helps alot. Writing in a journal and simply doing things you love saying how you feel with no regret and enjoying all of you so you can give to others around you in peace. If that means a vacation, a might in a hotel , a day at the spa, a night of dancing and friends a night to read and stay home take baths daily this is your friend quick shower rinse after you are letting out the bath water. This is to clean the vagina good place to for meditation as well clear your mine and seeing a positive future. Blessings.

13

I had my first herpes outbreak 8 days ago. I thought it was a yeast infection. 4 days into it my gyno confirmed that it was herpes. I was a mess. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months with plans to get married. We have such a beautiful relationship until this happened. The virus has been dormant in him without him even knowing. it just sucks bc I was a virgin until I met him and decided to have unprotected sex.....

Well by the fourth day with no meds I was in so much pain. I could barely walk, pee, wipe, bathe, roll over, etc. Even with the valtrex I was this way until Day 4 of being on it. I was miserable. So here are some tips to survive:

1. Bed rest. You can barely move anyway but excess walking will make it worse

2. Do not overdo with home remedies to ease the pain. Destin baby rash cream, aloe vera gel, salt baths, etc made the pain so much worse!

3. All you need is a sitz bath (getting in the tub burned for me so filling up the sitz bath and putting some soap in there and bathing that way helped a lot!), Lidocaine is your best friend (ask your doctor to prescribe this for you, it's expensive but well worth it. This will numb the sores when you're in really bad pain and need relief), and vasoline (after you dry off put some on the sores to help heal them and so your skin won't stick down there)

4. Peeing was the worse for me. What helped was taking AZO max strength. This takes the ingredient in the pee that makes it sting out which was a big help! I then would rub Lidocaine on my sores to numb them. Then I would run my sitz bath and let the water run with my pee and I wouldn't feel a thing. This literally saved me a lot of tears! I then would dry off with my blow dryer on low.

5. Cotton panties help dry the moisture after you bathe or use pee.so I changed mine like 4 times a day.

I was in tears for like three days straight. I was devastated and in so much pain. I thought there was no hope! But by day 4 of valtrex I felt some relief. Along with my regime and the meds I was healing! I was able to walk and move with less and less pain! Here it is day 5 of valtrex and I'm even better. The sores are healing and the swelling has gone down so much. I'm going back to work tomorrow! I feel that much better.

So the ones who have just been diagnosed, things will get better. I know it might not seem like it but it will just hang on there! Do what I did and I promise you will be less painful. Lidocaine was my turning point. I don't even have to use it now. But I hope this can help someone bc when I was diagnosed the other posts on here is what helped me get through! Let's take control of herpes!

14

Trust me you are not alone I know exactly how you feel but it's not the end of the world first of all you have to except it on it the more you stress and worry about it the more out breaks you will have learn to meditate yoga or something that takes you to a happy place. I know it hard bit u have to. This website have been wonderful for me I never knew it was so many people in my shoes wowww just when you want to give up god says no your not a have a plan for your life and if you me or anyone else can help one person on here then God is at work I hope this can help you you have a blessed day sweetie

15

I know this is an old post, but you may see this. It has been over a year since you were diagnosed and I hope you are well over your initial attack and feeling emotionally stronger. I have had herpes for over 30 years, and life goes on. You get to know your body and at the first mild tingle I always apply Aciclovir this really helps. I take no supplements and now my outbreaks can happen maybe once a year or a couple of times a year, it is very random, but can be linked to stress when you are at a low ebb.  You (and me and everyone else) are not pariahs just unlucky. Keep strong and keep happy.

16

I was 36 weeks pregnant when I found out. I've had one outbreak in my life and I don't be even realise I have it anymore. I'm still doing what I do everyday of my life! smile it's not as bad as it seems xxxxx

17

Can anyone help. I've found out I have genital herpes type 2 a few months ago. I had serious blood poisoning and ended up in hospital. A few weeks later I came out with no spots and burning wee. Went to my doctor and was informed later that week I had herpes. So I informed my wife and she had all the test and came back clean. No herpes at all. I have been with my wife for 10 years never played away. What's happened? I'm confused. Help

18

Hello, I was Just diagnosed 2 days ago. Im 24 and have been with my husband faithfully for 8 years. He is getting tested so Im not 100% sure if I got it from him or Who but from what my obgyn told me is that it could have been from a past relationship even if it was 9+ years ago. She said that the virus can stay dormant for many years, that some people can go many years without ever experiencing an out break. She also informed me that I could get numerous outbreaks or this may be the only outbreak I ever get. I hope it help clarify some things for you.

19

I understand completely how u feel. I was diagnosed just this past Monday. I too have been in a serious relationship with the same guy for three years. He swears he didn't step out but where else would I have gotten it. I too feel gross. I don't know if it will help u but I plan on talking to a therapist and hoping maybe this will help me cope and move forward. Good luck and don't be so hard on yourself.

20

Hi, I have just come across your post. You say u apply aciclovir is that a cream or are you talking the tablets? Also would you mind telling me if you have hsv 1 or 2 as you have had the virus for 30years I thought by this time you wouldn't get any more outbreaks as I thought the decrease over the years. I am waiting on test results I believe I have genital hsv1 as my first outbreak was last year February and I believe I may have just had my 2nd outbreak. Hope to hear back. X