No sensation during sex but only intercourse?

Sexual health
1

Hi guys

I'm slightly embarrassed by what I'm about to write, as I think a lot of guys would be. But I'm going to go for it anyway. First, here's a bit of medical background.

I've been suffering from anxiety, fairly severely, for about 5 years now. But following a redundancy in July of last year, it's spiralled to a point where it's extremely hard to deal with, I'm more or less housebound. In this time I've gained a lot of weight due to a combination of not doing much exercise even as far as walking, and eating junk food for a little perk up in my mood. I wouldn't put myself in the obese category yet, but I certainly have dark stretch months and look about 6 months pregnant! Starting to get out of breath very easily etc.

The embarrassing problem at the moment is with my sex life. I got married last year and despite everything we are extremely happy. Our sex life is good as well, we do a lot of oral stuff which I can come very easily from, and I have always masturbated a lot - maybe once or twice, maybe even 3 times a day on average, since I was 11 or 12, and like I say I can come very easily.

But the problem comes from having intercourse. Sorry for getting too graphic but my wife is plenty tight enough, like honestly it's hard to fit two fingers in, but when I put my penis in her, I barely feel anything? She can blow me for ages beforehand but as soon as I go in there, I don't feel a thing so I lose my erection within about 30 seconds. It's really, really frustrating. I'm not massively hung by any means but certainly average enough size to be able to feel some sort of sensation, or so I'd hope.

I'm expecting answers such as "it's psychological" and "try losing weight", and that's fine, it's more just to see if anyone's had the same experience and for any further ideas really. Losing weight is extremely hard at the moment due to any perk up possible when I'm in a crap mood really, and I don't see the psychological state changing any time soon. The weirdest thing for me is that oral or being jerked off or anything feels just as good as it would for any other guy.

I guess I'm just trying to ask whether this is normal, and whether there's any easy fix. Thanks very much!

2

Your problem is really not that uncommon. Have you tried different positions and angles for intercourse? A slight change in position can make a big difference. There can be psychological issues such as fear of pregnanacy but that would usually cause loss of erection not loss of sensation. Have you ever had intercourse with any other women besides your wife? Did you have this problem with them? Are you using extra lubricant? Too much lubricant can make things so slippery there isn't much sensation. Your wife could also try tightening her vaginal muscles when you are in her or masturbasting while you are in her as this can cause tension in her vaginal that might give you more sensation. Are you circumcised? Sometimes a side effect of circumcision can be reduced penile sensation, particularly with interecourse where there is not the direct control of pressure like there is with manual or oral sex. A final idea is to put your hand around the base of your penis will inserting the tip into your wife. This may allow you to provide some sensation and pressure on your penis to maintain your erection while also having intercourse. Of course you won't be able to go a deep, but perhaps with time you will be able to maintain an erection without having to use your hand.

3

Hi James

Thanks a lot for the reply. Yes it's happened before with other women, the only times it hasn't has been when "getting lucky" I guess you'd call it, when the sex has been more of a one off surprise with someone I hadn't been with before. Me and my wife always make sure not to use lubricant where possible for exactly the reasons you stated, it tends to just be a bit too slippery and makes things worse.

Regarding positions, we usually stick to quite an intimate missionary position simply because with anything too errrr... (animalistic!) I think my increased heart rate from going fast etc makes my body associate it with a panic attack, and I usually end up feeling quite sick and dizzy.

It's comforting in a way to know it's not uncommon, and part of me thinks it's maybe from masturbating so much for so many years that hasn't helped, but it still sucks a lot that as soon as I start I'm pretty much flaccid before we even begin. Even as I'm getting off my back to put it in I'm always are that its a little bit of a "race against time", a sort of "I need to start making this feel good for me very quickly to stay hard" kind of negative thought process.

I will try your last idea, I think anything is better than nothing. She's so good and so supportive but I feel very guilty that I can't give her what she wants/needs at the moment, even if she won't tell me she does.

Thanks

4

Oh and sorry for the double reply, but no I'm not circumcised, which kind of makes it even more embarrassing because I almost feel like there's no excuse for the lack of sensation

Thanks