nutty neighbour

[nh_user_905121]

I wasnt sure where to write this but it is getting me down.  I suffer severe anxiety. panic attacks severe depression and agoraphobia on top of that i lost my fiancee dec 2015 so as you can imagine im not at my best. I also have athritis in both knees and hips so am in pain a lot of the time which makes me quite tired. 

I moved house to a lovely house its perfect fro me and the kids the problem is my neighbour.  She is her 40s and lives with her parents sleeps in till dinner and has started coming round pestering me.  She walked into my home the other day sat down and i was shouting for my 13 year old daughter to come down my daughter is autistic i went in the kitchen when i came back into the room she had gone upstairs and told my daughter off as you can imagine she is a stranger and i wasnt best pleased. My daughter dosnt like people in her room. the day after she came round again i have started locking my door can i come in i said no im busy next thing i could hear her shouting up at my daughters window my daughter came down and said mum shes freeking me out i asked her to stop and told her that her behaviour was inapropriate she said i just wanted to apolagise to her for going in her room i told her to leave it and carried on 30 mins later she was shouting up at her window again so i lost my temper told her to leave us alone. she did for a whole day was back today are you busy can i come in, no im always busy i have 3 kids so she left and then came back a bit later and said im really fed up cant you just let me come in and sit noooooo i had just sat down fro a coffee.  Im not her friend i dont want to be my stress levels are through the roof and i dont know what to do it is making me so uncomfortable shes nosy just sits in her pjs smoking in my kitchen i live in a non smoking house she is as far as i can see a compulsive liar as things she says dont add up she was looking through my medication while i was changing my daughter she constantly brings up my fiancee and tells me ill move on she doesnt even know me. i dont want to cause any a problem with her parents but dont know what to do im at my wits end my mood is low im taking extra diazapams im just fed up thanks for reading

[nh_user_1033748]

Hi there

Hill donns

Can I firstly day I am sorry for your loss and tour children's loss. Clearly this had had a massive impact on you're lives.

No one can tell you how time are feeling no one can tell you when you will "get over it' it is a process. It has only been two years.

I believe. I really feel for you donscc.

I too have RA at 39 it's very pain full.

You've so much on haven't you...

Re the Nutty Neighbour

This can not be easy for you!! at least you've a voice. Keep up with the firm responses and lock your door. It's sad you've to do that, I know.

This woman is cleatly no good to be around you and certainly not your Daughter or your other children!!

How dare she shout at your child! Shows theres no understading there .let alone pushing boundaries.

To be smoking in a non smoking house is disrespectful alone.

To be looking through your medicines its a not on at al! I would never go to my mates house and route though her things never I've known her 29 years.

If you keep doing what you are although I know you shouldn't have too!!! She hopefully will get bored and move on to next one.

You are protecting your family!!! Good for you

If she has nothing better to do than sit in her pjs and sit around she clearly has time on her hands !!! You havent.

If she does come again you can say you have so much to do with your children.any excuse.

Shame this has happened to a moher of three whos trying to get along.

You've done the right thing Like I said you've got a voice. Yoive stood up to her before.

I am sure like me you don't like conflict. Hopefully it will settle.

If it dosnt stop could you write a letter to the parent or talk to them they may be more understanding. Just a thought it may fill you with dread and I would understand that too.

I hope it will settle for you.

Once again sorry for your loss xx

Take care

Vicky xx

[nh_user_905121]

Thankyo so much for your kind words i will keep telling her im busy and hope to god she gets bored again thankyou.

[nh_user_1033748]

Hi x

I hope she does you've enough on without That to deal with.

Keep going like you said .all the bast too you and your children.

Have you family and friends around you,people to support that are understanding towards you?

There is no time line for grief. No ones ever said " you get over it in x amount of time/days months years" it's your feelings and you've your girls.

I hope she gets the message and leaves you and your family in peace that's what you need right now.

Take care donns

[nh_user_910044]

Hi Donns - what a situation to find yourself in - and in a new neighbourhood! Have you spoken to her parents about her behaviour? It sounds as though she may have mental health problems and her parents would best know how to handle her. Keep locking her out and explaining to her that you are too busy for visits. If things continue or get worse, keep a journal, take video, and prepare for a complaints proceedure. Hopefully it will not come to that and she will lose interest. Best of luck to you - a difficult and delicate situation to be in...

[nh_user_905121]

Thankyou so much for advice.  I am lucky i have great family and friends my friend is up a weekend and as she says she wont be taking any crap.  Its just making me so stressed when your an Agoraphobe your stuck in all the time its like your home is your prison and im used to it and dont need a nutty cell mate lol.  My daughter has just started to ignore her compleatly she tried to ask her what was wrong and she said i just sprinted off to the shop and came back in the front door bless her.  Her parents will be my next action and if it continues i will log everything such a shame we were really happy here it was what we all needed as a family to heal.

[nh_user_20468]

Hi this is awful and you need to stop her.  Next time she comes round tell her if she doesn't stop now you will be talking to her parents about it.  This might be enough to stop her.  If not you will need to follow through and speak to them.  She clearly has mental health problems and they might be able to control her. I would tell them that if it doesn't stop you will be forced to go to the police as this is harrassment. 

Obviously tell them this in a nice way but explain your situation.  I bet you are not the only neighbour she does this too!   Or she has done it before.  I would be very surprised if you are the first.  

Let us know how you get on. 

 

[nh_user_905121]

Thanyou i feel awful cos her parents are really nice people and love the kids she has so far left me alone since i said no the other night.  I think she is lonely so does my mum but im not looking for a friend with my illnesses and kids i have hard enough time fitting my actual friends in.  and your quite right i dont think im the first this is a rental property and she seems to know a lot of personal stuff about past tennants and their kids so i feel she has tried this before.  I like my own space and company i have got used to it,  I miss my partner terribly and her talking about him and saying ill move on just really upsets me he is the first thing i think of and the last person i say goodnight to and i still yell at him when i cant find the screwdrivers even though we have moved it still his fault cos he never put anything back,  Some people thinks its un healthy buy my CPN says its fine and part of grieving he.  He was a wonderful man who my neighbour never met if she had she would know that he was our world and moving on isnt an option.   Our youngest child was 5 month when he died my house is full of pictures of him so she can see who he was and me and the kids can see our life like a big memory it works for us.  Thankyou again