I feel isolated. Make excuses not to go out, yet not much social activity since taking early retirement at 55. Work colleagues of 36 years deserted me. I left work a year ago. Lost my Husband 3 years ago, met my now Husband (angel) then his mum passed away, 12 months later his Dad passed away. Feeling very low despite being happier than I have in many years. Does anyone else fear being happy and worried stressed about every little thing !!!! I'm not a manic women on the edge just like everyone need a shoulder, someone who feels as bad as I do. I feel like I'm being judged all the time. I feel old and a waste of space. ????? When does this end.
Paranoia is a question I've often been tempted to ask in this forum but been afraid to for fear of being seen as mad.
I feel I'm not good enough sometimes, let everyone down, don't perform as one expects , as mother, wife, daughter, grandparent. No one complains, it's in my head.
We are not mad, I was working full time a year ago, then periods stopped. All the symptoms everyone talking about are real. I couldn't take the work load and the bitch of a manager so Intook early retirement, told her exactly what I thought of her, went through hell waiting to leave, felt great when I left, then went to pieces. Worried about everything!!! Lie awake at night thinking I'm going to die in sleep. Something will happen to my Son, Husband,Mum. Thoughts going around my head when awake. I feel so lonely but I'm not. I have my Husband and Son and Mum. No real friends, they are never there when you need them. So, no we are not paranoid, we are really suffering from this horrible menopause. Like you I feel I am failing in everything and failing those I love, but we are not we just need to be understood. If your like me I don't really like myself at present, I just hold on to the promise it gets better and hope I still have my sanity at the end of it. It's really reassuring that I'm not the only one who feels like this. Thank you for your input. It really helps.
Dear Nita
I am so sorry for how you feel. I can relate to your new found happiness which is parallel with extreme sadness. Life is so difficult. You just think you are getting there and then like a wave another anxious few days kick in and you wonder how you are going to navigate life any more. My angel new husband just says on days like that to keep putting one foot in front of another. I fear being happy also. I am certain it won't last and could almost ruin what I have.
Yes Nita I feel like I'm not good enough anymore, could have done more to help my daughter when she got married, new grandchildren, I don't seem to have the enthusiasm expected of me. Husband doesn't complain but I'm not the woman he married. Low feelings of self worth. Thinking I'd be better off alone. All thoughts in my head, going round and round. I just want to feel stronger, more capable.
Ahhh this discussion brought tears to my eyes.....I often wake in the middle of the night battling feelings of guilt and some sort of paranoia (I'm a bad person, no one really likes me, I'm so bad coz I had 3 glasses of wine tonight...again, I'm fat & worthless).....I know intellectually it's not true but it still generates awful feelings to fight against (adding to the exhaustion).And the feelings feel more real than my intellect. It doesn't help that a lot of us are nearly/or are already 'empty nesters', as well as retiring or stopping work......then we get the ' if I'm not a Mother/Worker, what am I?? Where IS my worth? I feel like its a fierce internal battle to become a new mature me.
Hi Nita like others here, your email struck a chord with me. Its an awful time of life. I totally empathise. I found and am still depressed about the realisation of part of my life being over, getting older so much quicker, parts of my body dying etc. I put on lots of weight and hated going out. Im only happy when Im doing things that I enjoy. Try to look at the huge positives you have....a loving partner and loads of free time to do what you like doing. Do what you can for your body, vitamins, pampering, exercise, healthy diet, herbal remedies, maybe hrt? and just try to enjoy the rest of your time. Your friends were not true friends, but do you think you could have backed off from them? Find new friends...night classes, book groups, walking groups, get a dog...yes defo get a dog! Voluntary work? Join a choir, go to the movies, live comedy, go see Jo Jo Sutherland, a comedian from Edinburgh, a lady of a certain age who is so funny youll need to wear tenna ladies. Buy new shoes. There were days when I could have screamed to everyone to just leave me alone but these days have just about passed. Im generally feeling better. It will end but seek help wherever you can get it. Some health centres have menopause groups. Ask your gp receptionist which doc knows most about menopause, and then make an appt, just for a chat about how you feel. I promise this will pass. Be kind to yourself and know there are thousands of ladies feeling exactly the same as you right now. It wont be long before youre offering others advice, I promise. Xx
Hi Nita, I'm sorry to here your feeling so low, I get where ur coming from, I too fear goin out and getting together with friends, I have given myself a massive kick up the bum, I have joined the gym and go four days a week, I'm so tired all the time and could crawl into my bed and stay there forever, joining the gym is the best thing Iv done since being peri, exercise is so good for ur mental health as well as the physical. Hope things get better for you soon, take care,x
Hi Maise
I think most of us feel the same in various ways. I'm 56, had my Son late at 34 by IVF and an only child. He is 22, still at home, gets on very well with my now Husband. He laughs at me, but then he is really just a boy still. Men try to understand but they don't really. Tony reassures me I will be ok and that I'm still the same person and all these things I feel about myself are all in my head, which I suppose they are. We just have to accept we all get older but I was fine until menopause then I think the mind set is "well you have had your youth, now it's time for over 50s plan, saga holidays and incontinence pads!!!! No, I don't want to feel like that!!! Went to Gp today, got me to answer a mental health questionnaire, ticking bloody boxes, said, antidepressants and gave me a prescription for self help books, what a joke and Gp was a woman and not young either. What I can say is chatting to you and others is a great lift and at some point you have made me tear up. Smile and laugh and I thank you so much for that. Life goes on ehh!!!!! Keep going
Hi
No matter how you feel it will not ruin what you have, your Husband is right, keep going. It's all you can do. As I said in another chat, went to my Gp today, female, not young did mental health check, ticked boxes, gave antidepressants and self help books on prescription. I nearly threw it at her. My Husband came with me for support and she completely ignored him. I do find that I'm worse at night and early morning. Went to Birmingham on train today, didn't want to go but felt better for being out. I have 2 miniature Dachshunds and they are great, so I have a lot to be grateful for but until this passes there are still day when I want to stay in bed and shut out the world for good but every day I get up and put on my "face" and keep trying and my Husband says I am very trying Ha Ha, be well and keep chatting it really helps. Thank you so much for input, it really helps to think people care about others
Hi Lisk
so sorry didn't mean to upset you.
I took early retirement. My Son aged 22 still at home. He laughs at me, he thinks I'm ancient anyway. But even he gets snapped at for relatively nothing. I feel exactly the same as you. I love wine and remember it's not a crime. It makes me feel better but then it induces hot flushes, then the guilt sets in and then I look at my profile in the mirror and I could scream with frustration. Then the whole cycle begins again. My Gp is rubbish just wants to hand out antidepressants. I don't want HRT because of the scare tactics. I feel like I want to run but have nowhere to run to. Mind races impoverished and over but as I said I'm not ready for over 50 plans, saga holidays and incontinence pads (maybe pant liners) !!!!! we all have different or same symptoms and at times even when we don't feel like it we need to laugh, keep going
I'm sorry you are going through this. I get anxiety occasionally, but nothing like that. However, I do know someone who does that I am very close to. She worries non-stop about her parents and family...fires, accidents, illnesses, etc. She gets so upset when the traffic reports on the tv/radio announce an accident. She starts calling her family to make sure they were not in an accident. I don't think your paranoid, just highly anxious. The most important thing I need to remember about my friend is that "no one wants to feel this way"...she always thanks me for being patient with her melt downs.This is a good place to talk with others. We understand.
Hi Debbie
Thank you for reply. I too have days when I hate myself. I do have positives in my life. My Husband is fantastic. I have 2 miniature Dachshunds, Peanut and Sammi, they keep me going!!! 6am every morning or I don't think I would get out of bed until midday. I find it very hard to mix socially because under all the bravado I'm painfully shy. I don't miss work but I do miss the company. I take herbal remedies and love reading and music. HRT is not something I want to start due to bad press and scare tactics. My Gp says vigorous exercise and antidepressants??? The only thing I haven't given up on is my skin care and putting on my "face" nearly every day. I promised myself I wouldn't stop taking care of myself and I haven't. I just feel so tired and "lazy" is that the right word? Everyone says it will end so I just have to hope it will be sooner rather than later. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Hi Jeny
you are very brave. I could not pluck up courage to go to gym. I'm a scary cat. I too could just curl up in bed. So tired all the time. I still cook and look after my two mini Dachshunds Peanuut and Sammi, My Husband bought me a exercising machine that helps you do sit ups etc. I know exercise is good for hormone production it's just finding energy. Take care too. Thank you for advice.
Have you had your thyroid levels checked? Low levels can make you feel tired and lazy...x
Yes sometimes I just want to run away too! It's like that movie...Eat Pray Love or something , when she takes off on travels...
and yes I might feel like crap a lot of the time but I'm not ready to give up yet either.....let's fight this thing!
Life seems to be like that. Great things happen alongside horrid things. I also get nervous when I'm happy. I seem to have had so many tough years. So have you. Enjoy what you do have, life is for the living as they say. You're young still, don't read negative media about females over 50. Read and look at things that warm you and nurture your very core. I'm so pleased you found someone to love and someone who loves you. (In China, women become more valuable as they age you know!).I'm sorry for your losses, but I am so pleased for your gains. xx
P.S. YES! I worry about EVERYTHING!
Hi Debbie
No I haven't. Saw Gp yesterday, didn't even do Bp or suggest blood tests. X
Hi Debbie
sorry missed your message. Your friend is lucky to have you. You must be a great friend. Wish I had a friend like you. You are right I don't want to feel like this. And to be fobbed off with antidepressants!! Thank you all so much for understanding, you feel like new friends, wish we could all meet up and have a good natter x
Hi
you made me laugh, perhaps I should move to China, ha ha, they wouldn't let me in!!!! Thank you. I think if we are human, loving caring thoughtful women we do worry about everything because we do care. It's what makes us what we are. Thanks Callianne! Here's to another day xx