So November of 2014 I started Citalopram (I was also getting off of Xanax at the same time because my doctor stopped prescribing it) and a month later I was so great. And I continued taking it until July of this summer. My doctor said I could taper off of it if I felt better. BAD IDEA. I was up to 30mg and tapered down all the way to get 10mg about every 2 weeks. Awhile after being on 10mg, I forgot to take it one day so I just thought "Oh well I guess I can just stop taking it here!" And I went through small withdrawals nothing I couldn't handle. After about a week or two weeks they passed and I was okay. Then my depression hit me deep recently. And it's worse then I've ever had it before. My anxiety also arised with the depression too. For the past month I've been staying home all day laying in the same place and sleeping in the same place (on the couch) because it's where I feel comfortable. I've seemed to lose my appetite too and I was a tiny bit dehydrated but I took up lots of water and fruits. After awhile I kinda have it back but I'm still not eating a lot. My stomach occasionally growls or feels empty throughout the day but I just don't feel up to eating and if I do, I don't eat a lot. I've been having intrusive thoughts about my grandparents dying because I live with them and they've been my caretakers for a long time and I fear everyday that they'll pass and I will spiral even more down. My doctor told me to start taking my pills again immediately but for the past week I've been so terrified of taking them again because of the side effects and a fear of them not working again like they used to, and so many other fears that my anxiety can make up. I can't stand living like this anymore but I can't get myself to take them again. I'm in need of some support or someone to encourage me. School has also started for me ( I am in my junior year of high school ) and I haven't been to school because I get so anxious. Please someone help me. Im also terrified that I'll have to go to a mental hospital and I really don't want to do that because I also have a fear of not being comfortable. When I was little I would always become so uncomfortable staying the night at other people's houses and would cry all night. Really need some reassurance. (Sorry this is so long)
hi Bee,
I'm so sorry that you are feeling so bad and frightened. I have been fighting anxiety for a long time too and I can totally understand where you are. I really got to the conclusion that my anxiety and depression is part of a chemical imbalance caused by external events of my life and for this reason I decided to take medication which had been helping a lot despite all the side effects. Have you tried CBT? It also helped me greatly. Please stay brave.
Sounds like you have had a time of it and still are .you must try to slowly Go back on meds 5mg at a time. As the previous person said try CBT that will make you understand and control your breathing,and much more so you anxiaty will slow down. If you have the money see a hypnosis guy .they are experts .they can change the way you feel ,make you more confident, and take away most if your feeds and anxiaty . i did I haven't looked back .it was a reset for me . change my life .it does really work. All the best we are all here for each other.and you are not alone.all of us have have it still experiencing what you are going through.
Hi bee
All your symptoms ie being scared, intrusive thoughts, anxiety etc etc are all signs of depression. I think you came off this medicine way too early, as the longer you stay in it the better chance of avoiding a relapse. Starting Citalopram in November last year and finishing already is too early.
I was ill for 15 years before I took SSRI's, and I've now taken them for 16 years, reducing my meds to a comfortable lower dose whereby I can maintain my wellness. There is nothing wrong in taking meds for life if need be - these are not addictive. So e people take lifelong meds for epilepsy, diabetes, etc and depression is no different.
I had the same fears as you - scared I would be put into a mental hospital, scared of losi people dear to me ..... but remember these are just normal thoughts everyone has from time to time, but in your vulnerable and delicate state at the moment, you feel them much more intensely, causing anxiety.
Maybe you could take a small dose initially, building up over time ... this way it should lessen the side effects. Ask your doctor for help - maybe starting at 5mg, then 10mg up to 20mg or whatever dose you need. For me, I found the side effects a small price to pay for a lifetime of happiness.
When you're back up on top again, these fears won't bother you and they'll be out back into perspective.
It is difficult, I've been there and know exactly how you feel. Start the meds again - people here will support you. Do you have support at home too? However you feel, just write it down here - we've all been through it or are still going through it. You're not alone.
K xx
Well recently I've been going to bed at 11 pm and waking up at 6-7 am. Then I get my pillow and a small throw blanket and lay out on the couch for a bit. And I feel so anxious and empty and in the morning my anxiety feels like it's burning a hole inside me and I feel like I can't eat anything in fear of throwing it back up. (Yes, I have the phobia of throwing up). So inside I just feel so depressed and low so I usually go outside in my backyard and sit in the sun for hours and it really calms me down (I'm assuming because the sun raises serotonin levels I think I've read) when I was in the house a few minutes ago I felt so anxious and scared and everyday I spend my time re reading forums of people going back on citalopram for a second time and having a bad time and it makes me anxious but now that I'm out here in the sun I feel like I would just pop it down the hatch and be fine. But I know I'm going to have to go through side effects. I wish I could just stay in the sun forever. I still haven't taken it yet. I'm suppose to have a doctors appointment tomorrow and I'm scared that if I don't take it today, then tomorrow when the doctor finds out he's going to suggest putting me in a mental hospital. I know I can do it but it's the anxiety telling me to not take it because there's so many start up problems. But thank you all for responding. It really means a lot.
I've only started using this form yesterday and left as many responses as I can where I feel I can help in any way. Katecogs seems to give the best advice on here. She is really helpful and writes everything in a non-judgmental way. So, Bee, you are going through almost identical to what I am going through, same time, same drug and same coming off time. I came off a few weeks back and after 1 week I crashed. Everything came back. Anxiety, depression, thinking I was going to get locked up in a mental hospital, loose friends family etc. This is classic thinking when in depression and extreme anxiety, just remember this at all times when you get these feelings, it's just the anxiety talking. You will get better. I went back on to citalopram. First 10mg for 2 weeks then 20mg. Virtually no side effects, and it worked day 1. After about a week I was feeling great again. Next time I come off I will be tapering over a year or so. Coming off over say 2 months is so unrealistic and I feel not sensible or good medical advice. The brain takes so long to re-adjust 2 months is nowhere near enough time. Perservere and be strong. It takes everything you have to get through it, but you will feel better and get your life back to being good again.
Wow you have no idea how much better that made me feel I was thinking of starting on 20mg to feel better faster but I also feel really fragile and so now I'm thinking maybe I should start on 10mg again. I feel bad because my friends keep asking when I'm coming back to school. I just want to feel well again. Thank so much for replying!
I wish you all the best over the next few weeks and months ahead. Please let me know how you get on in a weeks time or if you need to talk again about anything. It's a really, really tough thing to go through, but when it's all passed you can look back and be really proud of how you succeeded in such difficult times. Dealing with depression is a lesson you will never learn at school! If you are interested in reading, may I suggest getting into the field of NLP. Neuro Linguistic Programming. This was one of the big turning points for me. It covers CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) as well. It was a huge help. Lets you understand about people, how they think, what you believe, what you value etc. Try getting a copy of the "for dummies" NLP book. There are a few new technical terms in there but you get to understand them. There are lots of books out there on the subject.
Most people experience anxiety at it's worst in the morning - I did too. As soon as I used to wake, it'd hit me, and I just wanted to hide under my duvet. Sometimes I missed work because I just couldn't face the day, but the times I dragged myself out of bed, got to work, I'd find it was best being busy and with people.
I do think this dreadful morning anxiety is just a realisation that you have to face another day, and it fills you with dread.
Yes absolutely the sun makes you feel good. Also exercise, though it's often difficult to find the energy to do anything, but a walk in the sun is great - get the benefit from both.
Anxiety is excess adrenaline, and burning it off with exercise is really good at reducing it. Exercise releases endorphins too, which are the feel good factor.
Your doctor won't suggest you go into a mental hospital just because you haven't taken any meds. Try not to worry about that - it just won't happen. By taking your meds really, really slowly and with a very, very small dose, it really should lessen any side effects.
Coming off meds can result in withdrawal effects which I felt first time I came off them. This last year I've reduced my meds by 5mg each time and over felt absolutely nothing (I cut my 20mg tablet into 1/4's). This should work the other way round too ..... as in your case, when you start them. Take 5mg and see how you get on. Stay on that dose for 4 weeks (or longer), or if you do have a slight side effects, wait until they've disappeared before increasing to 10mg and again stay on that for 4 weeks (or longer) before increasing to 15mg. Carry on this way until you reach the desired dose. The slower, the better. Recovery may take longer by doing it this way, but at least you'd have a more comfortable ride.
K x
One thing to remember Bee, is that you can't hurry recovery no matter what you do. It'll take it's time and will come to you when it's ready. These meds are not an overnight fix, and it will take time ..... but patience and absolute perseverance will bring recovery to you eventually. And oh boy ... it's so worth all the struggle in the end :-)
its unfortunate that it's not fast. 😕 but I'm still really scared to take them. Even though I know I'll be better on them. I just wish I never stopped taking them. It sucks to have to start over. Thanks so much for the advice
I have my leftover pills in 20 mg and they are oval shaped coral tablets and I find it hard to cut them. So I was planning on taking 10 mg which is half of the 20 (obviously) and I have some left over from when I was tapering off and I was at ten so I have lots of halves. But they're cut kind of wonky looking. When I was on a full dose I was on 30 mg so I was taking a full 20 and half of another 20. I'm trying to find the right time to take them because I live with my dad, my grandparents, and my sister. Everyone is working tomorrow and so I'll be home alone. I was planning on taking my first dose today but I couldn't get myself to take it. But I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow when my grandma is off of work. I feel most comfortable with my grandpa home but he works this week and it's hard as he works early in the morning at 6 til 5 pm. He's more easy on me than everyone else and I just feel comfortable when he's home. I don't want to go through side effects alone or feeling unwell alone.
I find I am in a serotonin deficiency. I think stopping the meds too quickly could have had an adverse effect on me. I was fine awhile after being off of them and awhile after the withdrawals were gone. I wish I had tapered down much slower. And also added a supplement that helps serotonin. I'm very lethargic, I feel like I always have to sit or lay down because I just don't have the energy to do things. I have periods where I feel normal but I get worried about a lot of things (I worry too much over simple things) but I haven't had a panic attack in forever. Coming off of my meds, I had no panic attacks. I feel that since I've been of Citalopram I've learned to control them. No rapid heartbeat, hot flashes or derealization. Those are my panic attack symptoms. Anyways, I still think I should go back on my meds, but if I ever decide to come off again, I will probably be taking 5-HTP or something.
I bought a pill cutter which works a treat, chopping the pills up neatly ..... some can be a bit wonky though :-)
Having someone there is comforting, but they'll only be a phone call away if you find yourself in need of someone, and of course reach out to people on this site as everyone is here to help you through it.
For me, taking the meds and having side effects was better than the terrible suffering I was going through. I simply thought what had I to lose? We are all different of course, and each of us have slightly different experiences on the meds.
Reading about depression helped me a lot too - it unravelled some of the mystery and took away some of the fear. Books I've read are:
Self Help for Your Nerves (and others in this series too) by Dr Clarie Weeks
5-HTP The Natural Way to Overcome Depression, Obesity by Michael T Murray
Cooking to Cure - a Nutritional Approach to Anxiety and Depression by Angela Dailey
The medicine lingers in your body long after you stop taking them. Remember how long it takes for them to build up - it takes just as long for them to remain in your body too. For me, I need medication whether it be Citalopram or 5-HTP ... but without anything I feel flat, agitated, anxious and know I'll sink further into a hole the longer I continue like that.
If you decide to take 5-HTP one day, take l-tyrosine with it. It boosts the 5-HTP and stops the stomach upset too. I've taken these before for a year and found them really good.
It's another morning and I feel flat. My mouth is dry every morning. I haven't gotten out of bed yet. It's the day where I'm going to be alone at home. I've been home alone awhile because my dad has left to do things but came back the past few days but he has to go to work today. I'm probably going to do the same thing as every past day, sit out in the sun all day. Anyways. I have been looking up foods that help with serotonin too. I also found that when I was starting to get worse and I fell deep into depression for a week, I started taking a magnesium supplement that has a few other vitamins and it helped me a little bit to feel a little bit better and I can move around a little more and eat a little more than I used to. I also drink a lot of water throughout the day too.
All the years I was ill, I did many things to alleviate my struggle and pain with depression, but it dragged on regardless. I hated being on my own too as I felt scared and anxious, and felt comfortable with someone there.
For me though, at the end of the day the only thing that helped was taking Citalopram. I completely recovered on it. After 15 years of struggling, I was cured.
Sometimes we have to put ourselves out of our comfort zone to achieve something. For you, it's taking the meds. It can be scary, but with help and support from family, your doctor and this site, you can get through it. The side effects will last a few weeks to a month maybe? That may seem long, but really it's a short time compared to how much suffering you're going through at the moment. I went through it - twice - and I've been well ever since. For me, it was a small price to pay.The sooner you take action, the sooner you can start counting the days off and looking forward to an illness free life.
My 20 year old son fell victim to this illness last year too and he went through absolute hell on medication and was off work for 4 months. We got him out every day walking or cycling - he looked awful, but we persevered. We got him to join 2 different music groups which was good for socialising. 6 months it took to get him well again and today, a year on, he is a happy young 21 year old man with a new girlfriend, working, and still enjoys his music groups.
It is truly a very tough ride to get through, but you also need to push yourself just that little bit, even if you don't want to. Do your family know what you're going through? Can you sort a routine of when someone comes home, to go out with them for a walk, for some exercise? Exercise is good to boost serotonin levels. Maybe sort a daily programme for yourself - get up at a certain time, have a tiny amount of breakfast even if it's only one mouthful. Maybe have a walk in the fresh air after eating. Plan your day, even if you have to drag your body around ..... do it. Reward yourself by sitting in the sun. When someone comes home, arrange to go out walking with them, or help to cook dinner or something.
I believe you're seeing your doctor today? Ask him for help and support during the time you start your meds.
K x
hi katecogs just wonderd if you have tried or are taking 5-HTP
Today is a bad day for me. I'm crying every 5 minutes as I'm not feeling very happy today. I wasn't really that anxious this morning but it's kind of turned around and I'm anxious today. No panic attacks though. Just anxious about going to the doctors and not feeling well. I might have to ask someone to go on a walk with me maybe. I think most of you guys are from the UK as this is a UK website but I'm from the U.S. And I'm also only 16 years old. I'm still in school too and I am in a choir class (musical group) and the teacher is the sweetest lady ever and she's really supportive and she knows what's going on with me because I still haven't been to school yet and we started on August 1st. I believe that the music class helps me a lot and when I first joined it I actually felt like I belonged in something and I actually wanted to go to school because of it. But I'm missing out on it so I really need to get back on my meds. The doctor is probably going to prescribe a new bottle for me because I only have a few weeks worth of my old ones. I also forgot to add because I got so caught up in talking about my music group, I still don't really have an appetite but it's there if that makes sense. Like I can still eat food and I can feel the emptiness of my stomach but it's the depression or anxiety blocking my brain from wanting the food. I've also had dry mouth still and I looked up things on how to fix it. So I have my water bottle filled with water and lemon slices because lemons activate the saliva glands or whatever 😁 it's been helping too so I guess that's good. But what I've been weepy about earlier was my weight. When I was on Citalopram I unfortunately had the side effect of gaining weight. I'm a pretty small person and it didn't really effect me, I just had a little tummy. But it's gone down since I've stopped taking it and I have no appetite from the depression and I checked my weight earlier and I've lost 10 pounds. I was in tears because it scares me and this isn't how I wanted to lose weight. In school I have a workout class and last year I was in it and it was helping a little bit. But I don't want to lose weight this way or become anorexic. I'm sorry I have a lot to type as I have so many thoughts running around and this is where I let them all go but in March of 2013 I was getting dehydrated and I didn't know it but I got severely dehydrated and was unable to sit up or even stand up without feeling dizzy and I was really weak and that brought on my generalized anxiety and the panic attacks. I ended up getting IV fluids for it and I was put on medication for my anxiety. I feel like I've been through lots of medication but I don't really remember most of them. But I know that Citalopram really worked for me and I noticed I've been on it in the past because I found old bottles. I found one that had 10mg and then I found another one that was 40mg. And that kind of scared me. I have fears of the Citalopram wearing off. Because I feel like I have no other choices but I know I do. But I just don't want to go through a bunch of meds that won't work. I hope Citalopram doesn't wear off for me. Thanks for helping me in this hard time. Oh and yes my family knows what's going on and I feel like they've kinda given up on me because many days I said I wanted to start taking it but I didn't and it irritated them.
Yes I have, and with success too.
I came off Citalopram 2 years ago and started taking 5-HTP and l-tyrosine which I took for a year. I felt quite well on them. Sadly I felt the need to restart Cit after my son became ill last year and I became quite stressed by it all, so decided to go back on Cit as I needed to stay well to support him. No good me sinking into a dark hole. So I went back onto 20mg lastnyear, reduced it to 10mg this year and am now on 5mg. I'll stay on this dose til next year after my daughter gets married then stop and go back onto 5-HTP etc. Don't want to take any chances before the big day :-)
There were no side effects with 5-HTP other than indigestion, which righted itself when I introduced l-tyrosine.