4 years ago i suffered severe anxiety, stress and depression due to a very long winded court case anyway to cut a long story short i managed to get myself well again over the past two years. I have taken meds for anxiety and depression for 3 years after i had a complete negative reaction to the anti depressant i was taking and it made me suicidal and completely off the planet.
Im sure everyone that has had or has anxiety can relate when i say its never really fully goes.... you are never 'cured' as since i recovered to a good stsndard it rears its ugly head at times, but after a few days i can normally get on top of it and settle it down.
Over the past 4 months i have had alot of negative crap in my life that has broken my heart. My beloved dog died and my nan who bought me up from a child is dying from terminal cancer.... slowly i had noticed my anxiety creeping back for longer periods of time without going again.
The main problem for me at present is the way its affecting my confidence..i am starting a second job in healthcare friday and i am more than qualified but i find myself doubting myself and feeling worthless my current job ive been in for 3 years and i am experienced and i no deep down im a valued team member and i am doing everything that is expected of my job role but again i have no confidence and constantly re check my work and go home worrying that i have made mistakes.... whuch i havent.
I dont want to go back in meds as i had too many negative side affects. I guess i just needed to vent a bit. So frustrated that im dreading my first shift at my new jib. I should be excited
My anxiety started 4 weeks ago when my ex-husband left. The first week was so bad my eyes went fuzzy and I thought I had a migraine. Everything anyone said that was negative sunk in and wouldnt come out my head as I was thinking about it. Things like reading about the end of the world preventede fromleaving home incase a bomb dropped on the street. But I challenging myself everyday by diing stuff myself. My sense of hearing and smell has heightened.
Your experience sounds very similar to mine. I have just been through a 5yr court case which I won in the end, but as you know it takes a hell of a lot out of you. I went from a confident happy person to being very depressed and suicidal.
I spent 2 weeks in a Pysch hospital which I never ever thought would happen to me. I have found the meds have helped me but it is a constant battle every single day. It is very hard to function when you have lost your confidence. I find it hard just to walk out the front door some days.
I think that you maybe should try the meds again to help you through this difficult time. Life is tough enough, but even tougher when you lose your self confidence.
Please get some help and I hope that this letter reply has helped a little.
Thanks for your words of support and sharing your stories this forum really is a god send.
Im starting my new job friday morning, i have 3 induction shifts. Ive decided if i am still feeling very worthless and still have zero confidence afterwards then i will go to my GP. I literally so anxious already and i don't even start till friday. Godsake i should be excited and proud of myself.
Yes you should be very proud of yourself Hayley, it's just that some of our self belief & confidence has been lost. I had my 45yr old sister drop in today in tears. She has just moved house with two young kids on her own & now she thinks that she has done the wrong thing and is waking up every night having panic attacks.
This is the same sister that I thought would never ever have such doubts about her decisions and she has always been a rock of support for me. There are so many people out there dealing with such similar issues and many people hide it in so many different ways.
Good luck on Friday morning with your induction shifts. Please don't feel worthless and try and walk into your new job with confidence. I know how hard that can be to do at times. I know exactly how you are feeling. Just think about getting through Friday and you may even surprise yourself and walk out with a smile on your face. As my mum use to say, "You just never know what is around the corner for you".
Please let me know how you go & GOOD LUCK & TAKE CARE.
