Stupid question if I'm asking it I suppose. I hate my life, I hate myself to the point I've cut it into my stomach. I just f******* hate how I feel. But I'm responsible for my daughter in laws dog today so I can't leave him all day. I just feel empty , I don't want to go back into hospital. I just don't know anything anymore.
Just taken some diazepam and going to take the dog for a walk then see how I feel.
You are more important than the dog. Can you arrange for someone else take over and get yourself to hospital ASAP? I know it's not the most comfortable place, but at least it's safe, isn't it?
You're not completely empty or you wouldn't have bothered writing to this forum: please take care of yourself!
You should really get yourself to the ER or in the company of some friends for the evening/day dont be alone surround yourself with people who care about your wellbeing. Hugs
Bless you Tina. Hold on. Let us know how you are. What kind of help are you getting, are you in the USA?
Hi
No I am in the UK, Scotland.
I ended taking the dog out for a long walk with a friend. So reasonable for the rest of the day sort of. I have been very irrational again ok one minute then raging the next. Tried contacted CPN yesterday but no reply back, so went into another rage, ended up cutting the word cut into my arm, reason why I have no idea?? Seeing bereavement councillor today hope I don't loose the plot with her as she is such a lovely lady. CPN tomorrow, GP the next then psychiatrist the next so I am getting loads of support but I just can't seem to feel right just seem to be getting more and more rages sometimes for no reason at all.
I can't even recall the cutting into my stomach but it is a good reminder as it says "I Hate me". Waht a stupid thing to do but don't really remember doing it, what I have become???
Hope it went ok with counsellor, and please tell them everything to ensure you get the right level of support. Keep trying to do those regular normal things like the dog walking. Look after yourself, lots of love.
Meeting with bereavement councillor very distressing and tiring but I have opened up and got in touch with my emotions over something which I am not willing put on here. I bought a bottle of wine on the way home to drink this evening, it is chilling in the fridge....or might go out for a drive to a beach.....just got to keep my s*** together and not loose it completely. Hope everyone else is doing ok.
Tina x
Tina, stop mucking around with alcohol in your state of mind: surely you know it's a depressant and that it's not helping you at all in the long run?
I haven't touched a drop, I'm sitting on a deserted beach just sitting and looking, looking and sitting. I know alcohol isn't the answer that's why I've gone out. It is so peaceful here. .
Tina, absorb as much of that peace into yourself as you can and hold on to it!
My comment about alcohol was based on a few comments you've made about it, I wasn't judging you at all.
That's OK. I was trying to download a picture for you all to see but it doesn't seem to work from my phone.which is a shame plus it was too cloudy for a beautiful sunset but the sky is orange on the horizon . Got sand between my toes the odd ripple on the water and calls from the oyster catchers (orange footed birds if you don't know them). A nice end to a stressful day.
keep in touch in here, you have lots of supporters. glad to hear you had a good evening and could enjoy the beauty around you.
Morning
Not a good morning woke dreaming, nightmare, got to CPN appointment, my CPN has phoned in sick saw someone else who I have never met before, had a general chat and thats it couldn't ask the questions that I had planned and what was discussed between my cpn & with the psychiatrist for their plans, she doesn't know me and I felt uncomfortable. Now I need to do something to calm down, stupid i know but I think I';m getting somewhere then something comes along and upsets the progress or is it just me being over sensitive.