So I have my landlord having a go at me and also my best friend.
I have always been there for my friend, whenever we are together we talk about her, that is it. And I always try to be as supportive and helpful as I can. Now I have started working I haven't been able to speak to her for a while, she sent me a message telling me what an absolutely horrible person I am. When I did something I have never done before and I turned around and told her about my PTSD, suicidal feelings and self harm - I explained things were tough for me at the moment and I was struggling to which she replied that Im not the only one with these feelings and I should stop being so pathetic.
I spend every day telling myself that I am worthless, horrible, pathetic, weak and should end my life, things have been steadier recently and now to hear from somebody who is supposed to love me that I am worthless and horrible confirms all of my thoughts. I have had a really hard time dealing with my trauma and past, this situation may sound petty but it has kicked me so far down that I want to end my life, now. Tonight. I dont want to live, I can't di anything right and I cause nothing but grief. There is no reason for me to stay. Im too tired, I am so done.
hey your friend seems a little insensitive to your needs forget the nasty things they have said and remember your worth a hole lot more chin up an just cruise on thru this bad patch things can only go up when your at the bottom
Hey hun . Do you have any other friends or family to talk to regarding how you are feeling or someone ego understands ptsd?
You have clearly gone through a lot and have seen things that probably most people wouldn't understand.
Im sure it is painful for people whom ypu are close to to say these hurtful things. I am glad you have come on to these forum with like minded people who will be able to offer you advice and support about how you are feeling .
As a nurse who has suffered with depression and mental health for many years , my first advice would be to see your gp about how you are feeling and up ask for further help and counselling regarding ptsd. As well as medications and referrals to a psychiatrist , maybe you could search online for ptsd support groups you could get in touch with for additional support ( that's if you haven't done so already ).
With regards to your female friend people cope with things in different ways and can start off being angry and say horrible things as a coping strategy.
I suggest that giving her some space to digest the things you have told her may help and hopefully she will come round.
Many of us on this forum have felt as low as you for many reasons so we completely understand why you don't want to live .
What I can say is that hopefully in time you will not feel like this and these negative thoughts will decrease with the right help and support . Please don't do anything drastic and make decisions when you are feeling so low .
you can get through this and we are here if you need to chat. I promise you it will get better.
I really struggle to talk to people in my everyday life about what is going on, the fact I told her that the reason I have been a bit more distant the last few weeks is because of my depression and self harm is a massive thing for me. So for her to turn around and say it doesn't matter just felt like a massive hit.
I have been seeing my GP for the last year quite regularly, im on beta blockers and anti depressents and have had one lot of counselling, being referred to another.
It just hurts because I always try my best in supporting others and for what. Been there for this friend for over 10 years and I hoped she would reciprocate.
It's just hard not to listen to the bullying voice of depression when those around you agree with what it says.
Thank you for your reply and your advice and taking the time to message me x
It's such a body-blow when those close to us let us down badly and fail to validate our feelings. I've been where u are now several times - betrayed & suicidal. When we're weighed down with depression we lack the self-belief to carry us through these experiences. This friendship sounds very one-sided (you have been doing all the giving and she all of the taking). She's not used to giving anything & it sounds like you, her rock, have revealed some vulnerabilities which jeopardize ur ability to support her. I'm not judging her at all - she's just not in a place to be able to meet ur needs and so has over-reacted very defensively. I have a best friend just like that & I have grown to know exactly what I can & can't hope for in return. Please don't let one person's incapacity to say & do the right thing reinforce ur distorted self-image. Ur friends on the forum know u to be a beautiful & courageous young lady. Let us provide the support that u need at the moment. We understand what it is like on a daily basis. We love u for who u are. U know that, right? Please please please don't hurt yourself. I know u r hurting so much deep down but u have been doing so well lately. Take a breath & believe in yourself. Don't listen to the depression - it's a big fat LIAR!
Hugs Sweetness. Focus on the best things u can until the pain doesn't hurt so much (that's what I try to do). xx