Hi, I have had anxiety/depression for most of my life. About a year or so ago I thought I was finally getting control of it, no meds or counselling. Then I suddenly hit a really stessful point in my life with money issues, causing me to have some pretty severe panic attacks, so bad I was scarred to leave my own house or when I did go out I couldn't be on my own due to the anxiety. I was put back on meds (sertraline) in about Feb/March this year. Since then I thought I was slowly gaining control again, but over about the last month I've been getting more and more down & depressed. I feel like I'm not good enough at anything, that I'm quickly approaching 30 and I've nothing to show for my life. For years I used to self harm, I stopped that about 2 years ago & felt really proud of myself. But about 2 weeks ago I got in such a state I did it again, it used to make me feel like a release from the pain I felt inside, but this last time I just felt numb. I've been feeling numb inside a lot lately. I've started Cognitive Behaviourly Therapy, which is helpful I guess. I mean I understand it all & see how it's supposed to work, but I just can't seem to shake this feeling inside me & put it into practice. It's like I'm just craving death, praying for it all to be over. I feel like I don't know what to do anymore. Please someone share with me some guidence/help.
Hey leah
I'm feeling the same way at the minute, Infact I can't even bring myself to go to the doctors because how afraid I am of nothing working. What will I end up with then... Living a life like this or just wanting to die.. Which is what I want sometimes anyway..
I self harmed for the first time a few months ago and have done it since although I have managed to not do it for a month or two now, do you have friends or family who can support you? I'd do anything to have some support in my life but it's something I will have to end up doing alone like usual.
It's good to hear you are taking therapy and medication and you should continue to, try taking up a hobby you can do by yourself if you struggle to be around people.. I go for walks at night sometimes and listen to music, go to the gym or just anything that can help or distract me.
I have pretty much given up but there's still part of me holding on, because why should I let the people win who have ruined my life..but anyway stay strong and there's always hope no matter how small which is what I remind myself every day. X
Leah its not worth your life.. You need to be in a stress center. I was years ago and it helped me so much. Now I can self train myself of fears. Please go to the er and get admitted to stress unit.. Xxx
All these negative thoughts are depression Leah. It's not how you would normally think. Depression effects not only your mood but your thoughts.
You are a normal girl who suffers from depression and anxiety. It can happen to anybody. Don't be down on yourself that this has happened to you. It does not mean you are a failure,quite the opposite..It means that you where trying so hard to be a success that you missed the signs that you where taking on to much xxx
Hey Jake,
Somedays I wake up and I can barely bring myself to get out of bed, others I just seem to be able to cope and get on with things. I feel like anytime I try & talk to my family or partner about it that they don't actually listen. My parents are both very blindsighted when it comes do anxiety/depression, my mum thinks its just bordom. I just want to hide away from the world inside my blanket fort. My therapist has told me to write a thought diary, which sometimes helps, but also doesn't in a way because it makes me obsess over whatever it is I'm thinking/writing about. I feel so alone, even when I'm surrounded by people. They say they care, but in my head they don't. I feel like everyone is just talking about me behind my back, or judging me, or something. I have so many negative thoughts over so many things, it all feels a little overwhelming.
Leah
By the way, feel free to talk to me, so you don't have to go through your worries alone.
Thank you for your kind words Gillian.
I just feel like I've been fighting with depression too long now (about 15years now on & off). I just don't know how much more I can take.
Yes I can either get up and cope with everything and maybe not be happy but seem normal or have days where I can't even get out of bed. I have been in bed for the past 4 days now just so down and alone.
My family are the same, they don't realise hurling more abuse at me that I'm lazy and telling me I'm wasting my life makes me so upset, they've already caused so much pain yet still even now say things to me..
It's hard to want to get better when there's nothing to get better for, I'm past caring about myself so what else is there.
Hi Tonya,
If I do that though it registers me under the mental health act, and I can't do that with the career path I'm on.
I was given some advice in a CBT session I had back in 2010, I was told to make myself a schedule of things I need to do each day. At least 3 things, even if it's just doing the washing, going for a walk, etc.. It seemed to help for a while back then, and when I started with the anxiety again back in Feb, but not so much now. Feels like I'm just withdrawing deeper and deeper within myself.
I have tried to set myself goals or rewards for myself when I do something but you soon question the actual point of it.. I've tried listing good things about myself and writing out how I feel when I have anxiety attacks to find the evidence as to why I should be worried..
I just feel lost and like this is what my life is going to always be like, if you want to talk you can pm me I'll be more than happy to listen
I do hope I can try and beat this, if not for myself then to atleast not let the people who have ruined my life win
I don't know how I will help you? I have suffered of depression since LONG TIME AGO. LIVING far of my family with relative whom I don't have a good communication, I begin to suffer a high depression. whihc was difficil of put up. I was taking some medication for 3 years, since some time I feel well. I noticed that taking some medication isn't enough. the medication help that the depression no is most strong, or high that was last time. but the medication no cure the depression. you have to do some thing for cure of depression. write about your pass life, remembering some good moments, and when I feel little sttrong emotional write the put you in depression, the negative. the harmful for you. for most insignificant that will see write it. when I feel that already is pain for you remembing some things que were harmful for you. you are curing of the depression. do some things that like to do, and learn to stay alone your self. analize that provoke anxiety, depress. when you begin to feel depress avoid this events if you can avoid. put as you first health your emocional feeling before all.
Bless you reading that brought tears to my eyes because I've been were you are a number of times over the last 20 years and you have got to be strong , very strong you get knocked down but you've got to keep getting back up, it will and it does get better If you feel your going back down you need to talk to the doc stay strong stay safe xx
Thank you for your kind words Amanda. I just don't know what to do. I don't feel like I have the strength or will power anymore. I'm grateful I found this forum, at least I can now speak and people listen.
I know huni. I've been there many times myself. I know just how scary and tiring it is. Sometimes you are even scared to get better with the fear of it will only happen again.
I don't have the answers to prevent this from occurring again. I wish I did. What I do know is that you are a fighter,you have to be to of got this far but sometimes it's ok if you haven't got the energy to fight..sometimes it's ok just to accept that you feel a certain way and that today you are not going to fight it. Then tomorrow you will have more energy to kick its butt.
You are going to be ok. I know you don't think it..I struggle believing it to sometimes but that's the special thing about us...deep inside us somewhere is a little spark that won't be put out and on the days we have no fight left,,,that spark will refuse to go out xxx
Ive been there where I woudnt leave the house, you're not alone.
The postives to take from this:
You got over it once so you can and will do it again.
The thing is with meds (and this is my opinion) are they sorting out the problem? No. Theyre masking the unpleasant symptoms that the real problem causes.
The problem to me seems you have maladaptive coping strategies for stressful events. That doesnt make you anymore helpless or uncurable than the rest of us. We all develop ways of managing and getting over things. You, like me and other people on here, are using one that isnt working for you. And thats why meds arnt working, because they cant change that.
Stick with your CBT, because it seems like you are stuck in a trigger - thoughts - feelings- behaviour cycle. You got money issues, you then had bad thoughts maybe about how you would deal with it, where youd get money from ect, they then gave you bad feelings (sadness, depression) , which then made your behaviour change, staying in to 'protect or look after yourself' which then gives you bad thoughts, feelings and so on. That is the process that you must first recognise and then break.
My advice: realise that your issue is a mental process that you can control and therefore change.
Thoughts are just thoughts and you do not have to pay attention to them.
You can allow them to pass and choose which ones you want to encourage - the positive ones.
So to deal with this: take time out, sit down and observe what thoughts you are having. Don't let them take you into more thoughts just observe them. You will notice what sort of thoughts you are having. Begin practising to let them thoughts go, without interferring, dwelling or trying to change them because that makes them more imporant or frightening. Just let them be. (Detached mindfulness)
Things like "ive got nothing to show for my life" Regardless of whether that's fact or opinion, you don;t actually have to listen to this thought. You can just let it go as if it never popped into your head and avoid all the sh*ttiness it causes. Same for anxious thoughts.
What do you think about that? Xx