Think my girlfriend has anxiety - advice appreciated

Mental health
1

Hi all,

Ive been with my girlfriend for around 2.5 years but over the last 6 months she has developed certain behaviours/symptoms I think are associated with some form of anxety or even bi polar.

Examples include

constant worry over her perfomance at work and how she is percieved by her peers with the need for contant reassurance. (she is a clinical negligence solicitor so is involved in cases where patients have had ilnesses or ihealth ssues - i believe some of her behaviour is triggered by this)

- worry that she has a serious illness when a few or even one symptom is developed I.e. this weekend dizziness and tingling feet - she thinks she has diabities and asks me contantly if I think she has. Got me to smell her urine to see if too sweet. Another example gets me to check her gums contantly as she thinks she has begginings of gum desease with a lamp some nights several times. this is cyclic

- Hitting herself on the head/body when she has made a mistake or has had a bad day and/or believes he has upset someone/made a mistake. I suspect low self esteem. Reluctance to have a social life (though she does work a long day and is too tired sometimes - has had chronic fatigue in the past which is part of the problem complains she is achey)

- Has a checklist for checking security etc in the flat - checking taps are off/ door locked etc has got me to check when I sleep over if I get up in the night. This a fairly recent development.

When I go round in the evenings she is almost euphoric and playful almost to the point of being annoying but this can change to any of the above in one evening. I except this is part of her as I am playful though think it is related to other behaviour

I find it very wearing and drainng when I am with her and have become increasingly less tolerant and end up snapping and swearing. I have believe I am very patient but feel like I can't handle it anymore. Issue is I feel myself get in a mood before I even see her in preparation for her behaviour which is not me at all. My family have said they notice a change in me. I find it hard because I can't unwind myself after work but do what I can.

I love her and am trying to convince her to seek help but she is in denial and belives this sort of behaviour is normal and 'just part of her' and I should deal with it.

I love her and want her to help herself ( I believe nothing I do will change things). I have warned her that if she didn't seek help I would I would split up with her and she initially agreed but has recently gone off the idea. Is this fair?

Im 35 and she 30 - I am reluctant to consider settling with her if this is to be part of the future relationship as I think I will be unhappy and she won't improve. Our sex life is almost non-existent (I think my anger/frustration is part of this aswell) she has cystic polyovaries and the pill has depleted her sex drive though I am very affectionate and try to woo her. We had sex in the beggining of the relationship regular.

Apologies for the length ! any thoughts/advice appreciated

Alex

2

Hi Alexnorfolk. Living with someone with an illness like you describe is very difficult, I say illness because if she is acting out of character and has health anxiety then she is ill and needs to get treated. If she's in denial then there isn't much you can do apart from swatting up on health anxiety and see if you can help her that way.

She can't say it's part of her as its only the last 6 months that she's been acting differently which she needs to acknowledge.

All I can say is that you need to make your feelings known to her and fully, she can make a choice from there on, I hope that helps a small amount but it's very difficukt when confronted with someone who doesn't accept they need some help,

N 

3

Yep definitely sounds like a mixture of anxiety, with health anxiety and traits of OCD. Also anxiety can make you a bit hyper and emotional - different mood swings. Anxiety makes you hyper aroused ie lots of adrenaline pumping around and over stimulates you in the wrong way. Also makes you a bit needy. Well this is all in my experience anyway. Obviously she is a bit in denial and this maybe because she feels a bit ashamed or embarrassed to admit how she really feels as she doesn't want to appear that she isn't 'coping' . Ironic as she is obviously highly stressed and needs some help

Very hard for you! Perhaps write to her openly with your thoughts, concerns and feelings about how you are viewing her behaviour and how it effects you and the relationship? Might be a good way for her to digest and reflect on what you say, written word can be more powerful. If not perhaps confide in one of her friends or parents and see if you can come up with a strategy or intervention type thing?

Best wishes. Fran

4

It does seem she may be anxious you could perhaps try to see if she may try a herbal supplement to see if it makes a difference good luck

5

Hi all,

thanks for all your replies they have been very helpful. I had never heard of heallth anxiety before so I will read up on it so I can understand the condition more.

She is definately hyper when I see her in a plaful way grabbing me and jumpin around..sounds funny but at work I guess she is in a formal environment but if she has a problem there is a barage of worry and anxiety and reassurance is constantly needed. This manifests in neediness all the time.

Also having my own time is difficult as she wants me there all the time.

I will let you know how i get on with finding help and looking at remedies

many thanks

Alex

read up about it as suggested and look at getting some therapy/help for her