Tomorrow is day 13 for me. I can't even explain how grateful I feel, so.happy when I wake and the reality sinks in. I didn't think it was possible , but it is. I have no desire to drink. I ask for strength everyday to continue to have that feeling and these thoughts. There's so much more to enjoy in life sober. Seriously. Thanks to everyone here with encouraging words and sharing stories, you have all helped tremendously and I genuinely wish to return the favor. The only real problem I have is struggling with my guilt now of all the years and the pain I.caused people I love, that will probably take some therapy to deal with.
I have been in and out of recovery for 15 years. I managed three years of sobriety at one point...and now after a relapse, I have 5 months. Keep going...one day at a time. Therapy has helped me some with the guilt. Down the road, you'll have a chance to make amends. My immediate family and close friends are just thrilled I'm sober again, and have been very encouraging, as are the people here, and I have found in the rooms of AA. Good bless you! Trust me, it sounds like you are on the right path. Stay grateful everyday!!
You're amazing Lori and are continuing to inspire me (thanks for your messages!). Day 4 for me and am feeling good but slightly anxious about the weekend, especially Friday as this is my stumbling block. Am trying to mentally prepare myself!
Well done Lori, I look forward to hearing more about your journey!
Good job Lori. I wish you well. Keep going. I hope I can get to the place you are at when and if I finally get to start my detox on the 12th September.
Yep Rach Friday is such a bad day for me too. Every Friday morning I leave the gym and it's the only day my husband doesn't collect me. I always tell myself I will not go and buy vodka but I always talk myself out of it. Don't take money to the gym I hear you say - that's something else I manage to talk myself out of. I know I'm pathetically weak but I will keep fighting. Well done you 😊 x
So proud of you Rachel. I know how you feel, my first weekend was hard. Not hard.but different just like I was missing something but I hung out with my family and before I knew it the thoughts left my mind. This will be my third weekend dry and now it's not even a thought, I swear I wake up and smile every morning, I'm so grateful I finally woke up and got away from this devil hold that was consuming my life. I'm always here if you need me, just know I truly believe in you Rachel and I know you can do it!!!!
You are not pathetically weak. Many times I've decided to not drink when I finish work but then, like you, talk myself out of it then beat myself up about caving in! This time I feel in a better mind set and it grows stronger each day although it doesn't mean I'm not anxious about the approaching weekend. I am on call Saturday so can't drink (& don't ever) so it's just Friday I need to get my head round. Am probably going to aim to go somewhere cos I can't drink if I'm driving and funnily enough, this never bothers me!
Thankyou so much for your encouraging words and support Lori, I find it truly helpful. It keeps me hopeful that I can do this when I follow your progress.
I to hope that I will have the same success as you, thankyou Lori.
Congratulations on almost 2 weeks! Hey, call it 2 weeks! you worked for it!
The guilt:
Yea, GUILT is a side effect of "recovery". And it is very powerful...and impacts our lives in a big way. Our eyes open and we can see what has happened over the years.
All the people we have harmed..and most of all ourselves. What we have missed out on....Literally, I gave up being a Nurse because drinking alcohol after work was more important.
The realization hit me the other day when I was with my mother. I am 52. For years..I was working and going to school and raising 2 boys.
When I stopped going to school....I said that it was the pressure of having 2 growing boys and working full time. I was lying to myself. The REAL reason I stopped was because I couldn't fit in drinking at night if I was going to school for 3 hours.
There are so many things to talk about feeling guilty about regarding drinking...and very few things to be proud of...because most of my life I drank.
The most important thing I was told by my counselor was to let the past stay in the past...yes, I can think about it and try to make amends to the people I have harmed...but if they can't let it go...I have to recognize that they are not ready to let go of their pain...but I can do my best to leave the past behind...and take one day at a time...doing the NEXT RIGHT THING.
And I'm told..when you do the NEXT RIGHT THING...RIGHT things happen.
And if I don't drink again...I don't have to add anymore "guilt trips" to my inventory.
Excellent point of view. I'm realizing although I can't make up for all my wrongs I can make sure to never do them again and be present in my every moment now with a clear and conscious mind. I do struggle with the quilt because since the age of 14 I have been a drunk. Not nearly as bad as I have been the last ten years or even the last 5 month's but I'm admitting it to myself. Knowing that I'm finally putting that all behind me is such a feeling of relief. I can tell such a difference in my oldest child. She is 14 and I thought I had her fooled but I was only fooling myself, I'm very ashamed of that. That's the shame and quilt that keeps me sober though. As silly as it sounds, the world looks brighter sober, colors are more vibrant... I find myself smiling at simple things. All in all I'm so happy I finally took this step. I'm focused on my path and I love this site to hold me accountable and all the words of advice and encouragement is amazing